Hero Cop Threatens Ass Rape For Speeding

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This one’s a keeper:

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eric

Author of "Automotive Atrocities" and "Road Hogs" (MBI). Currently living amongst the Edentulites in rural SW Virginia. 

  13 comments for “Hero Cop Threatens Ass Rape For Speeding

  1. dom
    December 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Ha, that is a keeper for sure. He better be careful now that the video is public! Some might go see if he’ll make good on his offer..

    • mithrandir
      December 30, 2012 at 7:44 pm

      Now I know who owns this country.

      It is a good thing he is one of the good guys. ;)

      • December 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

        Yeah, he is one of the “good guys with guns.”

        Maybe he would be a good candidate for being an armed guard at a public school, he can bark at adolescents threatening sodomy for being late to class.

      • mithrandir
        December 31, 2012 at 2:07 am

        Probably this would not have been a good time for the tourists to do their best Tom Cruise imitation.

        • January 6, 2013 at 6:13 am

          Dear mithrandir,

          It might be the time for the other Maverick impersonation, the one Quentin Tarantino spoke of.

          “Swordfight! Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin’ A!”

  2. Tor Munkov
    January 1, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Man, them CHiPs sure have 82nd Airborned since the Ponch & Jon days! I remember when they helped a brother thru a “freeze up.” –
    “Nobody told me, I thought I was ready to take my bike on the freeway, people should have told me, I don’t need this…”
    [1st Vid Related]

    Ponch and John assist a clover motorcyclist
    http://www.youtu.be/LQBTixd9R4U

    CHiPs Parody
    http://www.youtu.be/Stt7HU2g4Vo

    • January 1, 2013 at 10:48 am

      Indeed.

      Anecdotally, there seems to be a new “type”:

      Overweight, vaguely Down Syndrome-looking. The kind of load most guys could kick the proverbial feces out of in a straight-up fistfight.

      That – and the overcompensatory vaginated sow. An armed and badged creature such as this is not to be taken lightly.

      • BrentP
        January 2, 2013 at 5:56 am

        The cloned potato soldiers (Sontarans) of Dr. Who!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tOEUT_iGjE

        On CHiPs…. it seems like another world when the ideal cops were Ponch and John.

        • January 2, 2013 at 10:55 am

          What happened in that CHiPS clip is literally inconceivable today. A guy on a bike blows past two cops. In between two cops. And the cops see him as a “freezer” who needs help. They get him to the shoulder, reassure him – and allow him to just walk away.

          In real life, today, the guy would have been run off the road (PIT maneuvered or some such) then Tazered and had the crap beaten out of him before being charged with multiple crimes.

    • January 1, 2013 at 10:54 am

      Great memories of a better time…

      PS: ChiPs could have used a technical adviser… good luck getting the bike “out of gear” the way Ponch suggested!

      PS PS: I have the same bike!

      • Tor Munkov
        January 2, 2013 at 2:16 pm

        I remember growing up, storytellers and teachers told us the real truth. Mr. Rogers taught me addition, subtraction, and even to count on my fingers if I had to, and to damn well not take any shit from anybody when I was doing it.

        http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/2/0/128620.jpg?v=1

        In my favorite episode, Mr. Rogers kept it real with this little story:

        Hey, neighbor! Let’s say that the person you love most in the world has just been shot. She is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. Some guy rushes over and says, “Step aside.” He looks over the bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife – he’s going to operate right there in the street.

        “Are you a doctor?” you ask.
        “No,” the guy says.
        “But you know what you’re doing, right? You’re an old Army medic, or …” you plead.

        Suddenly the guy get pissed. “I’m a nice guy, I am honest, I am always on time. I am a great son to my mother and I live a rich life with many fulfilling hobbies. I never use foul language or behave in an unsafe manner or break the law,” he says indignantly.

        “How does any of that fucking matter when my wife is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not you psychopath?!?” you shout. (Can you say: Jackass, kids? I’m sure that you can.)”

        Now the man becomes agitated – “Why are you being shallow and selfish? Don’t you care about all my other good qualities? Didn’t you just hear me say I always remember my girlfriend’s birthday? In light of all of the good things I’ve told you about, what does it really matter if I know how to perform surgery or not?

        In that panicked moment, you take your bloody hands and shake him violently by his shoulders, screaming, “Yes, I’m saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole.”

        “I don’t get it”, the guy says. “Would it help if I put on a lab jacket? Do you want to see my diploma I received for being a Bachelor of Environmental Science?”

        Through this story, kids you can see the terrible truth about the real world: You are in that situation every motherfucking day. Only you are the useless dickhead with the pocket knife. Your friends, coworkers, and loved ones are the bleeding gunshot victims cursing you for the incompetent numskull you really are.

        If you want to know why people seems to shun you, why you seem to get no respect, it’s because the world is full of people who need you to do things. They need houses built, they need food to eat, they need entertainment, they need fulfilling sexual relationships, they need you to stop the goddamn bleeding right now.

        You arrived at the scene of that emergency, holding your pocket knife, when you’re mother shit you out into her birth canal – the moment you came into the world, you became potential part of a system designed purely to see to people’s needs, or something to cast aside like a stillborn fetus.

        Either you will go about the task of seeing to those needs by learning a unique set of skills, or the world will reject you, no matter how kind, giving and polite you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, you will be left out in the cold. When you die, a few may pretend to care to make a buck, but really no one will give the slightest shit as they toss you in a hole and forget about you forever.

        If you expect every day to be a beautiful day in the neighborhood. To wake up to a fresh cup of coffee brewed by a banging babe named Mrs. Rogers like I do, then you got to have skills. You got to solve problems. You got to be a doer. You got to learn to be a closer, if you want to wake up to a fresh full cup of life everyday, learn to do shit and learn to be a closer.

        Coffee is for Closers Only
        http://www.youtu.be/8kZg_ALxEz0

    • MoT
      January 1, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      The parody was a hoot. With some 70′s show cast members no less. I couldn’t stand the actual show. It’s like looking at old reruns of SWAT and wondering how in the hell you thought it was “cool” back in the day and now you only cringe with a knot in your stomach.

  3. MoT
    January 1, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    Why are you driving in my country? Asshole! Why are you robbing people of their hard earned money to support your tax-laden ass? I believe that’s a more appropriate question to ask the badge wearing tax-leech.

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