Zombie Disguise

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Well, this Fourth Turning sure is heating up. The Nobel Peace Prize winner tried to start another war of aggression and an ex-KGB murderer is trying to bring peace to the ME (when was there ever peace there?).  At least it looks like WW3 has been stopped; well at least it has been put on hold for the moment.

Government approval ratings are at abysmally low levels (but epically higher than the 0.00% they deserve) while scandals are only removed from the headlines by even bigger scandals.  Mass shooting continue and our rulers think a responsible solution is to create more gun-free zones, you know where the vast majority of shootings occur.  Its like they are trying to apply twisted economic laws to the situation: i.e. if  we make more gun-free (defense-less victim) zones we can flood the market and drive the occurances down by tiring out the crazed mass shooters from having too many options.  Don’t forget the new shows and seasons on TeeVee start soon so that gives boobus amerikanus something to be enthused about.

I seemingly come off as cynical and pessimistic but I am actually not an Eeyore, I am actually pretty optimistic (albeit in my own way).  Each day the aggressive sadistic morons in charge are losing more and more credibility and I see the failed religion known as the “nation-state” crumbling and showing its true colors while more and more people are waking up.  Granted, it is still exceedingly less than a majority but a majority was never a realistic goal, the real goal is enough (whatever that is).  The vast majority may have the capacity for freedom but they still yearn for the warm blanky of slavery because we are essentially a nation of spoiled children.

The upcoming unraveling will likely involve tough times; ideologies and relationships will be tested.  The protruding nail will always be struck by the hammer.  The alternative is to camouflage yourself and “blend.”  One thing that has weighed on me heavily lately is the fact that these times of upheaval are typically not good for people of libertarian/anarchist leanings.  Things usually unravel and then “leaders” come to bring about order: namely their order.  Quick quiz: What is the difference between a leader and a ruler?  Answer: The use of force/coercion.  Which do we have today, leaders or rulers?  (Nevermind, that’s a topic for another day).

At a certain point you have or will realize that your NeoCON or Libtard Prog-ladyte friends, family and acquaintances can’t handle autonomy.  They yearn for leaders even when those leaders real intentions are nothing more than bloodlust and power.  Throughout history the “solution” to a society’s woes has been “strong leadership.”  Strong leaders are important, just ask the Germans what a strong leader can do for you.

There is always the possibility that New Switzerland will be founded here within the US and a congregation of libertarians/anarchists all move there, practice the NAP, open or conceal-carry all they want and do away with all the welfare/warfare nonsense within their border.  This is not a possibility I would bet on or reasonably expect to occur.  On a much smaller scale you also might want to believe you can shelter in place within your doomstead.  That might work, for a while but eventually they come for you.

zombie horde

But what to do if you aren’t the type of person who wants to be led/ruled and you don’t possess the sociopathic gene making you predisposed for leadership(rulership), politics or police service that involves leading/ruling?

Answer: Zombie Disguise

ask me about my zombie dsiguise

Now, how to work on your zombie disguise?

Essentially it means you have to dress and pretend to act to like a hoodlum, douche or member of the idiotic masses on occasion.  Don’t think of it as acting, think of it as camouflage.

1.  Practice staring at your iGadget.  I do this occasionally, it looks like I might be playing a game, messing with an app, texting etc, but I am actually just scanning through pics of my wife and son.  The zombies will think that you are a mindlessly adoring the same itech as them but you really aren’t.

igadget

2.  The majority of the zombies follow the gladiatorial events that grace the idiot box regularly.  It will help you blend if you stay up on NASCAR, NFL, etc.  Watch a few mins of sportcenter to know what stupid sporting event the zombies will likely be discussing.  A small factoid is all you need.  Here’s a recent example:

I can’t believe the Vikings lost to the Browns, the Browns are terrible.

nfl scores

3.  Dress like a zombie.  This one is somewhat situational.  I recommend some “nice” clothes (suits, things that button up for the hoidee-toidee zombies in NY shCity), “baggy” for the hood-rat areas and then “douchie” for the abercunty and beeyotch herds.  You also want to get something with the ‘Murkin Flag so when the inevitable war gets started again you can fit in with the crazed nationalistic zombies aka patriots.  This is to avoid standing out visually.  You don’t want to be walking around libtard gun grabber central wearing jeans and a “molon labe” t-shirt.  Those vegan pussies are actually pretty aggressive and dangerous in large #’s.  Kohl’s is a descent place for this stuff, they are slowly going out of business so they send 30% coupons in the mail regularly but the real gems are found in the thrift stores.  You can find the “real” douche clothes here because many of the people who wear that crap don’t want to exert any energy trying to sell it and think more $100 jeans and $80 Ed Hardy t-shirts will always be bought by mummy and daddy.  I recommend getting one of each of these:

lawyers
Something one of these a-holes would wear.
mike the situation
                                    “Douche”
hoodlum costume
                                    “Yutes”
peter griffin in american flag suit
                                          “Patriot”

4.  Create Facebook account.  For a short time I had one but I found myself updating it predominantly with info no one should give a damn about.  I was also in “limbo” in regards to a lot of the people on there, I was interested enough to read some of their stupid posts but not enough to actually call them (i.e. actually interact with).  I shut down my account which is when I learned that you can’t actually “delete” your account, you can only deactivate it.  Keep in mind I f’n hate Fa(r)cebook with the burning of a 1000 sunds but it is important to the zombies so creating an account (or re-activating in my case) might be a good way to not stand out from the drooling moaning masses.

f farcebook

5(a). Another option so as to fit into multiple zombie crowds is with a new BMW financed with a 30 year loan (10 yr are becoming common so 30′s are probably right around the corner).  This covers most types of zombies.  If you choose this path you better hope that WW3 doesn’t involve the Germans on the other side because you will then have to say buh-bye to the bimmer.  I personally don’t recommend this choice but it is a viable option (and these overpriced hunks of metal, plastic and gadgetry do drive really well).

lease a beamer
Can be yours with 360 simple monthly payments…

5(b). I think it is preferable to “bling” up your wheels.  Not everyone has enough extra cash to go buy a zombie disguised car like an Escalade or Beamer. But you can make it look the part for a lot cheaper. Keep an eye out for garage/yard sales and get yourself a set of “dubs” that you can throw on your ride. Nothing would scream “zombie” quite like a set of $3k wheels (bought for significantly less 2nd hand) on my 1994 camry that’s worth $1k.

chromed up 94 camry

      This guy is well on his way, he has the wheels and douche “lean”

6(a).  Language will be important as well, but you have to know your environment.  For example, say you have a strong affinity for the 2nd Amendment and the natural right to self defense (fair assumption since you are on this site and not a troll).  If you are in Mordor on the Potomac or Chi-raq keep your thoughts on those subjects to yourself.  If you are in a big state like PA, know what region you are inhabiting.  In Pennsyl-tucky, let it fly, no need to hide your thoughts, in fact state them openly and loudly.  (safety note: just because someone supports the 2nd amendment doesn’t mean they aren’t a zombie, don’t be lulled by their position on this particular subject).

gun protesters
They are “good” people because they don’t want you to have guns and are willing to allow tyrants to send people with guns to take your guns…

But if you live in/near Filthadelphia or Schittzburgh or the People’s Republik of Commiefornia you need to keep that stuff to yourself for the most part.

no right to bear arms
                          No Right To Bear Arms

6(b).  Language will also be important in terms of dialect.  You might want to practice your southern drawl, Bostonian and ebonics.  I would generally recommend you stay away from anyplace that has a distinguishing dialect unless it comes naturally to you but that isn’t always an option.  Practice phrases that include y’all (meaning “you all”), aight (mean “yes” or “alright”), adding the word wicked as an adjective in nonsensical situations ex: That was wicked cool, say “ruff” (when describing the roof of you house) and add awhile to the end of every other question ex: Can I get your drinks awhile?.

This commercial for Delta Airlines hits upon many of the important words but his pronunciation needs work.

This is far from an exhaustive list but I think it is a good start.  Please share any zombie disguise secrets you have with your liberty loving friends here at The Strangest Brew.

Bill Murray (while playing himself) in Zombieland had the right idea, stay away from the monsters but have a monster disguise readily available so that when you need to blend in your ass is covered.  Safety Note: If you are going to stay in costume 24/7/365, make sure you let your fellow liberty loving friends know about your zombie disguise so they don’t aerate you with zombie dispatching equipment.  The world needs us… and Bill Murray.

murray zombie disguise

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  10 comments for “Zombie Disguise

  1. Mike Erway
    September 24, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    Thanks for the great advice Mr. Peters…I mean, bro! I’m going out amongst the great hoard in a few minutes to enjoy a few brews. I live in Southern Arizona near a military installation with a huge contractor presence. I will no doubt hear the latest reasons why the US should invade Iran. I live in the sticks, or perhaps cacti, and try to limit my exposure to “civilization” once a week. Blending into a desert environment has become second nature to me. However, traipsing around town is another story. I will try a couple of your “sick” suggestions tonight. That’s sick as in “wicked cool.” Hey, that’s wasn’t so hard! I think I’ll be okay.

  2. Garysco
    September 24, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    @Eric- You are on the right trail – catering to the zombies with forcible rape, mutilation, torture, theft and mass-murder is the mark of mass market success in 2013.

    ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Sales Surpass $1 Billion In 3 Days (as of 9/20/13)

    Sales of “Grand Theft Auto V” have surpassed the $1 billion mark after only three days in stores, the game’s creator, Take-Two Interactive Inc., announced in a press release Friday.

    The company added that the game’s impressive sales rate is the fastest that “any entertainment property, including video games and feature films,” has ever achieved.

    “We are incredibly proud of the extraordinary critical and commercial response to Grand Theft Auto V,” Zelnick said in the release.

  3. Ed
    September 24, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    Mike & Gary, harryp wrote this one, not eric. Just a heads up.

    • Mike Erway
      September 25, 2013 at 2:46 am

      Geez, I see that now. I’m just so used to EP I didn’t even notice. My apologies Harry. Great article.

      • DownshiftFast5to1
        September 25, 2013 at 3:02 am

        Mike Erway, imho. That’s quite understandable.

  4. Garysco
    September 24, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    @harry – Man I tried to goget a new iFhone so I could post my stuff on Facebook with “sent from my iFhone” at the bottom, just like you said to do. So when I got there, and while waiting in line, this guy comes over and starts assin lots and lots of questions. So many that I got tires and went home. Well he never said he was from the New Yorker Magazine. Hell even I nos that is stuff rich white people read.

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a poll taken over the weekend about the looming debt-ceiling crisis and government shutdown, most Americans said that they were totally excited about the new iPhone 5s.

    When asked about the prospect of a debt-ceiling logjam leading to a downgrade of the U.S. economy, seventy-two per cent of those surveyed said that the new iPhone looks like the most awesome iPhone yet.

    Questioned about the disastrous impact of the U.S. government defaulting on the nation’s debt, sixty-five per cent agreed with the statement, “I can’t believe I waited on line all Friday for the 5s and they told me they’re sold out until October.”

    On the topic of whether the debt-ceiling crisis could plunge the world economy into the most apocalyptic catastrophe since the financial meltdown of 2008, Americans were deeply divided over which color iPhone they would choose, but agreed that all of them looked amazing.

    http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/09/in-poll-about-debt-ceiling-crisis-americans-totally-excited-about-new-iphone.html

    • DownshiftFast5to1
      September 25, 2013 at 12:06 am

      That was a Great lead in, Garysco!

      How-freaking-ever; these aren’t your average zombies, they’re thmart zombies.
      They know the gooberment isn’t going to shut down. This time.
      And now that they’ve been properly conditioned to think this way, when it does happen, they’ll never see it coming.

      Mark Thornton discusses the threatened government “shutdown.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z77nmo5TbO8&feature=player_embedded

      Oh, and I don’t think I can do the zombie camouflage, The best I think I can do is try and be quiet and just nod in agreement.
      I once read FerFal describe this as being “The Grey Man” from Spy Vs. Spy.
      I think about that now and then, and I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a Grey Man.

      There’s no way I could trade my 4×4 in on a Geo Metro or a flashy Toyoda Camry with low profile wheels and spinner hubcaps, even If it makes me one step ahead. Just can’t do it.

      I think maybe I can throw a ‘wicked’ into a sentence though, maybe.

      Do zombies point at normal people the way Pod People do when they discover normal people in their midst?
      …No, crap, they just bum rush.

      WFD.

      • Garysco
        September 25, 2013 at 12:16 am

        @DS – No problem. I am here to help. Go to Wally Mart, get a typical hispanic looking shirt & pair of baggy work pants, with brown work boots. Then just look like a semi-senile old man, but keep you hand in your gun pocket. All will be well.

    • harry p.
      September 25, 2013 at 8:43 am

      hahaha,
      you definitely have the zombie language figured out in written form

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