Safety Clovers/Van Down By The River

I was driving around in a new VW Golf (though not a TDI) doing a little video monologue, my V1 radar detector on but muted… because the VW, like more and more new cars, emanates its own radar signature. For saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety:

It is a function of the “collision avoidance” or some other obnoxious/can’t-skip-it technology the car comes with – and which all new cars will soon come with, like ashtrays (which they no longer come with).

Anyhow, the car leaks radar from every pore, so even if there’s not a revenue collector within an astronomical unit (AU) of your location, the poor radar detector thinks there is – and will ping constantly. Which of course is annoying. And so, one turns the volume down. And so, becomes vulnerable to the real thing. To the presence in the vicinity of an actual revenue collector.

This is what happened to me.

As usual when this happens, I was just barely “speeding.” (When I mean it, I pay much more attention to my surroundings.) I’m doing my monologue – which I ended up having to stop abruptly – when, coming at me in the opposite lane, I notice a white-bellied porker. A glance at the speedo tells me I’m a few MPH over. Not much. But, nonetheless, “speeding.”

Scheisse.

We pass each other. I immediately look in my rearview.I see him brake and turn into a driveway, as if to turn around and come back the other way.

It was all I needed to see.

I proceeded around the bend, lost sight of my friend and – at the first opportunity – took the scenic route to my destination.

Which would not have been necessary had it not been for the radar clutter produced by the car. And by other cars – and big rigs, too. I’ve noticed the detector goes off like clockwork whenever I am anywhere near a Kenworth or Volvo or Peterbuilt. Apparently, over-the-road truckers are now also forced to fit their rigs with saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety systems similar to those in cars. And every time I get near a Cadillac, an Audi or an Infiniti – same thing.

Soon, it’ll be Hyundais and Kias, too.

I’ve spoken with Mike Valentine of V1 radar detectors (one of the best, the one I use) and he tells me they are working on it, trying to filter out the false-flag K band signatures now littering the ether. But, be advised: Thanks to saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety, your radar detector’s effectiveness is not what it used to be.

Land of the free, home of the brave. Are you kidding me? America is the home of the micromanaged and the neurotic. VW figures out a way to “cheat” the EPA by designing its cars so they emit a fraction of a percent more NOx emissions and you’d think they clubbed baby seals to death while pouring motor oil down the sewer. The slightest, most abstract “threat” to the “safety” of a cop justifies summary execution.

Oceania, ‘Tis for Thee!

Well, anyhow.

Tonight (6:30 p.m. east coast time Sept. 26) I’ll be on Inside Track & Voices of the West. Hope you’ll tune in.

Meanwhile, we’re stalled. See the pie chart – which I may soon rename the Van By The River chart. I’ve made several appeals, and some have responded, but we are still way low, about 44 percent in the red with just a few days left in the month. This is bad, obviously.

I’m hoping it’ll turn around, as it has – so far. We’ve managed to stay out of the red for five months running.

Will you help make it six?

We depend on you to keep the wheels turning!

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EPautos
721 Hummingbird Lane SE
Copper Hill, VA 24079

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