Hardley Able

2
3326

Well, the pig runs again.

Briefly.

Now that the starter issue has been fixed, the regulator is billowing smoke – god knows why. It didn’t before. But mechanical issues are secondary only to electrical issues with this bike. The harness has been cut and spliced beyond fixing – all I could do was bypass the bad grounds, the sometimes-it-works starter solenoid circuit, with a pair of jumper cables. Positive connected directly to the nut on the solenoid and negative grounded on the bike’s frame.

That’ll start her. With a shot of ether, if it’s cold.

But let her run for more than a couple of minutes and ominous electrical smoke begins to huff out from the generator area (yeah, this bike has a generator… remember, it’s a Harley). So I shut her down and wonder and marvel… why anyone would find one of these carbuncled, always-leaking, never-quite-running-right (no matter what you do or how much you spend) underpowered/overheavy, burn-your-leg-if-you’re-not-careful and keep-a-fire-extinguisher-handy Lurches of the motorcycle world compelling.

This bike is not mine. I it were, I’d have put it out of my misery a long time ago.

I will concede that the ironhead engine is pretty in an ugly way… like a drooling, farting bulldog whose smell and sounds you’ve grown used to. But its merits as a machine – as a better way to get where you’re going than walking – are sorely lacking. I have bikes 20 years older that I’d not hesitate to ride across the country… without a guy following me in a truck with lots of tools and spare parts and whiskey, too. This thing I’m reluctant to take farther down the road than I can walk back home in 10 or 15 minutes to get the truck, tools and whiskey.

Fix one thing – the carburetor, for instance – and something else (starter) craps out. Fix that and then the regulator or some other thing has a meltdown. Ever play whack-a-mole at the county fair?

The bike leaks constantly. Not the usual drippage one accepts from an ancient machine. I am talking puddles. Gas, oil, gear lube. It is said that Harleys bleed.

This one has hemophilia.

Nothing can be done to correct it, either. The cases are poorly machined; all the RTV in the world won’t help. And then you have iron heads and an aluminum block and the seepage that inevitably occurs as a result of the differing expansion and contraction rates.

It is a 1980 model bike that was technologically obsolete in 1965. Pushrods. A four-speed transmission. Points. The previously mentioned generator. It doesn’t even have fuses.

No, really.

The startling thing is that the country which produced this thing – that’s us – managed to beat the Japanese (let alone the Germans) in World War II. How did the nation that built Iowa-class battleships derange itself to… this?

I used to wonder why Harley riders were all fat, old and tired-looking.

Now I know why!

PS: I will be a guest on Bill Meyers’ radio show tomorrow at 11:10 East Coast time discussing vehicle-to-vehicle communications and probably also this hideous business that’s brewing in Arizona (see the lead article, here). Hope you can tune in, but if you miss it, don’t worry – the audio will be posted here later in the day.

Update: Audi clip is here.

PS PS: We’re a little low on the dipstick at the moment. Please remember that EPautos.com depends on you to keep the wheels turning! 

Our donate button is here.

 If you prefer not to use PayPal, our mailing address is:

EPautos
721 Hummingbird Lane SE
Copper Hill, VA 24079

PS: EPautos stickers are free to those who sign up for a $5 or more monthly recurring donation to support EPautos, or for a one-time donation of $10 or more. (Please be sure to tell us you want a sticker – and also, provide an address, so we know where to mail the thing!)EPautoslogo

2 COMMENTS

  1. Truly amazing Harley managed to survive the 1970’s and 80’s.

    You wonder what is going through people’s heads when they think a company that makes bowling equipment is a suitable buyer of a tired past it’s prime, rundown motorcycle company.

    But they keep making that mistake over and over in the automotive industry. Fiat and Chrysler, Mercedes-Benz and Chrysler (least they could undo that one), Chrysler and AMC, Hudson & Nash (AMC).

    Why do they think putting together weak partners is going to work? If anything the dysfunction of the individual companies only spreads.

    • Hi Rich,

      The Harley thing… it’s a cult, basically. The members have their own costumes, their own lingo and they mostly keep to themselves, shunning people who ride other makes.

      I picked up on that a long time ago.

      I am partial to Japanese and Brit bikes, but I respect other people’s different preferences and can appreciate pretty much any bike. I have no issue riding with a Harley owner, fore instance. But Harley guys seem (my experience) to radiate contempt for guys who don’t ride Harleys. Dealers definitely do.

      It’s Weird.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here