The “Turbo” Porsche That Isn’t

By
eric
-
57
3222
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

You may have read about the Porsche Taycan losing value almost as fast as it can go from 0-60. This device – italics to make the point – which Porsche brought out for the 2020 model year – sells for nearly $100k to start and nearly $200k in fully loaded “Turbo S” trim.

The air fingers quote marks to mark the lie.

There is no turbo in a device. There are motors and a battery pack in this device. So why does Porsche style this device a “turbo”? Probably for essentially the same reason that mRNA drugs were sold to people as vaccines. Which is to say, to mislead them. To play a game upon their minds. To get them to buy something that isn’t what they thought they were buying that sounded like the thing they had bought in the past.

People – including people who have never owned or even driven one – know that a Porsche Turbo is a special kind of Porsche.

Well, it was.

A 911 Turbo, for instance, is arguably Porsche’s best-known model and also one that holds rather than loses value. In fact, early 911 Turbos from the ’70s often sell for more today than they sold for when they were new. Perhaps because they actually have turbos – and are Porsches rather than devices with a “Porsche” badge. The older models are also air-cooled, which was once another very Porsche quality that has been absent from Porsches for a long time now – for the same reason that Porsche is now selling its name – and a fraud – in the guise of a device.

Because the government – via its regs – insists on it.

But, of course, Porsche buyers are still wanting Porsches – and turbos – so Porsche pretends to still be selling them.

Which brings us back to how quickly the Taycan “turbo” loses value. According to a piece written for the usually pro-device “car” site, Jalopnik, these devices have shed as much as $100k of their original “value” – that is, their original selling price – over the past four years, which is how long this device has been available.

“While the Taycan offered solid build quality and a driving experience that you would expect from the maker of some legendary sports cars, the EV model was expensive,” the writer notes.

Well, so is a 911 Turbo – a Porsche that isn’t a device that does have what its name suggests. These sell for almost exactly as much ($197,200) as the Taycan device but are not worth $100k less after four years, like the device. Probably because the 911 Turbo actually does deliver the  “driving experience that you would expect from the maker of some legendary sports cars.”

Which the device – however quick it may be – cannot.

Italics to emphasize the fact, which relates to the fraud.

That’s a harsh word but it’s an accurate one. How is it anything other than that to sell a device called “turbo” that hasn’t got one? Especially in this context. Porsche and turbo are like ground beef and hamburger. As opposed to cricket meal and a patty shaped like a hamburger.

How long before someone slaps “V8” on the back of a device?

The attempt to conflate the real with the fugazi is fundamentally dishonest. Of a piece, by the way, with Ford styling one of its devices – a five-door crossover device – a “Mustang.” The obvious intent being to sell the association with the real thing as way to sell the fake thing. (Ford at least has the decency to add “Mach e” to the name of its device, thereby disclosing that it’s a device called “Mustang” as opposed to a Mustang.)

But this Porsche device is a kind of double fraud in that it is a “Porsche” in name only and lacks the thing its name says it has.

Yes, certainly, this device is made by Porsche. But that is not the same thing as being a Porsche. A Porsche is – was – a specific kind of vehicle. One not like any other vehicle. It had an engine specific to Porsche that was not the same as the engines  that powered other cars. The most desirable Porsches are those with Porsche’s iconic boxer (flat six) engine, preferably air-cooled and turbocharged.

That’s a Porsche.

The Taycan is a device. One like a multitude of others. It may look like a Porsche, but underneath, it’s fundamentally the same as a Tesla S and other devices. (And Tesla at least has the etymological honesty to not style its device a “turbo.”)

So what is its value?

The same as that of other devices.

New, it’s the very latest thing. A way to style and preen – among the green. But that turns brown faster than an old banana left in the sun for a day or two. Once the newness wears off, the Taycan is just another device. Time to get another, so as to have the very latest thing. Yesterday’s latest thing becomes an undesirable thing. Who wants to be stuck with four-year-old iPhone?

And at least that device doesn’t pretend it has a “turbo.”

. . .

If you like what you’ve found here please consider supporting EPautos. 

We depend on you to keep the wheels turning! 

Our donate button is here.

 If you prefer not to use PayPal, our mailing address is:

EPautos
721 Hummingbird Lane SE
Copper Hill, VA 24079

PS: Get an EPautos magnet or sticker or coaster in return for a $20 or more one-time donation or a $10 or more monthly recurring donation. (Please be sure to tell us you want a magnet or sticker or coaster – and also, provide an address, so we know where to mail the thing!)

If you like items like the Keeeeeeev T shirt pictured below, you can find that and more at the EPautos store!

Related posts:
  1. The Turbo Problem
  2. Porsche is Doomed
  3. Electric Porsche is All Fired Up
  4. Porsche Problems
  5. The Turbo Tax

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

57 COMMENTS

  1. Porsche has lost their way…..

    They are just an SUV manufacturer now….that sells a few sports cars still….

    The lightest car they sell now is a 3000 lb Cayman….

    the Ferrari’s are way over weight too…..plus auto trans only….

    Donkervoort still makes driver’s cars…the quickest cars sold in Europe….they only weigh 1600 lb…manual trans only….the Porsche’s are all over weight GT cars now….

    Even the collectors are getting turned off Porsche’s…..one said he doesn’t like any 911 after the 997….they had lost their purity…997 made 2004 to 2013…..

    Car enthusiasts have to buy the older Porsche’s now….

    Corvette the same problem….way over weight and auto trans only….lol….

    Lotus is Chinese owned now….soon it will only sell a 5000 lb EV…lol…

    At 3:30 watch the Super 7 clone the Donkervoort GTO eat/walk away from the Porsche 911 GT3, the Donkervoort is a very fast seven. It is the quickest car sold in Europe now…..the only street legal car that can pull over 2 G’s in corners…5 cyl Audi powered…
    695 kg. 1532 lb…..lightness matters….

    Lotus should have kept making/developing the seven and made this car…..

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_J0v69_r_4

  2. Its funny – almost Orwellian how this Taycan thing is being covered by the press here. The other day I read an article – the price decline is because “it held its value so well” that a number of owners decided to sell. At which point the value has now come down !! They dont get how absurd the thing is.

    The actual reason (at least here in the UK) is that the gov gives good company / payroll tax incentives to take out new electric cars. So many who have businesses are incentivised to take these cars on leases. Once the lease runs out – they go back to the lease company who then sends it to auction. Now a couple years ago there were not many electric options particularly in the luxury segment – so many of these were taken out. now these leases are ending….. and nobody wants a 200k “device” with a turbo sticker on it (here in the UK they arent even moving at about 40k on the used market when they were 150 new).

  4. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. It begins with two hearts and a diamond, by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”

    It’s over at the TexasHuntingForum

    By the end, the auto companies, who are being taken for a ride by dot gov, will be using a club and a spade to get rid of being regulated to death.

    There will be no love lost.

    They’re coming for you, too.

  6. This EV thing is a fraud, from dictat to marketing. All those involved can lose their shirts and I’m ok with that.

    Let the lesson be learned.

    • From the article:

      ‘Actuators would attempt to mimic the sensations of an engine idling, driving and, combined with other systems, even shifting gears.

      ‘In addition, Dodge thinks these systems aimed at replicating the sound and feel of its old V8 models could increase saaaaaafety for vehicle occupants and pedestrians.’

      Well alright, then — if it’s for safety, who can object? Though it sounds rather expensive.

      Dodge’s wheeze is like making a full-scale silicone doll ‘talk’ like a girlfriend. Indeed, ‘she’ should be standard equipment in the passenger seat of this shimmering illusion.

      I’ve been all around this great big world
      And I seen all kind of girls
      Yeah, but I couldn’t wait to get back in the States
      Back to the cutest girls in the world

      I wish they all could be California girls

      — The Beach Boys, California Girls

    • I can hardly wait for the “all electric” rail dragsters. [snicker]

      And, no, Virginia, you cannot create hydrocarbon flames, or the odor of nitromethane, with an electric “flame simulator.”

      And why did they misspell “Fartsonic?” Da gummint, I suppose.

      • Double A fuel dragster….weighs 1800 lb and has a 10,000 HP V8
        Fuel tank: 17-gallon capacity …full tank about 100 lb of fuel…. The car burns 8-9 gallons per run

        An EV dragster with 10,000 HP would need ten 1000 lb batteries……lol…

      • ‘Why did they misspell “Fartsonic?” — Adi Heidler

        It is reserved for Dodge’s new Active Whoopee Cushion function.

        After a carbon-neutral meal of Soylent Green and insect-flour patties, a speaker concealed in the seat base can unleash a raucous blast, as if the lucky passengers had dined on a contraband 20th century repast of cheeseburgers, milkshakes and barbequed beans.

        That is, if anyone can hear it, over the simulated rumble of a nonexistent V8. 🙁

    • This so much reminds me of dystopian sci-fi….first movie that comes to mind was the movie AI. The one where the parents who lost their son had a robot “boy” to replace him – it was a sad Pinocchio-esque story about the robot desperately trying to fit in with real children and real people.
      And then there was the original Battlestar Galactica movie where the little boy loses his dog in a Cylon attack. The ship’s crew is able to replace the lost dog with a robotic version because there were no real dogs available in space.

      But essentially the theme is the attempted replacement of the real thing with something (even though the boy in BG came to love the bot dog) that’s fake….

    • FTA: Dodge CEO Tim Kuniskis has previously confirmed the new STLA Large architecture (which the Daytona is based on) is a “multi-energy platform” that “has the ability to run an ICE engine”.

      “I can put an ICE engine in it. It doesn’t mean we’re going to,” he told The Drive.

      So buy the EV because you can (and take the tax credit too), then swap in a crate engine that really shakes.

      The thing is, at least own the EV experience. There’s something to be said for smooth linear acceleration and quiet cruising too. Sell that, not these laughable attempts to make your vehicle into a RealDoll.

      • Hi RK,

        In re “quiet cruising”: With the exception of vehicles designed to rumble (e.g., performance cars, trucks, etc.) new cars with engines are all quiet when cruising. In an EV, you hear the tires/road noise a little moire because there isn’t the cancellation effect of the drivetrain’s slight background hum. But none make any significant noise when just cruising along.

        • Good to know. I haven’t driven an EV, just read reviews that mentioned the quiet ride. Yet another thing that gets played up while ignoring the fact that just about every car with a standard exhaust is very quiet.

  8. No sound, no smell, no emotion, very little feeling…..does have a price….as in a huge loss….

    The air cooled Porsche’s are worth more now then when they were new…..

    Why do car people favor air cooled Porsche’s over water cooled Porsche’s?….because of the sound…..the sound is 60% of the experience in an ice powered vehicle….

    In a Porsche EV….No sound, no smell, no emotion, very little feeling….in other EV’s no feeling at all….nothing….

    No sound….silence…the sound of death….

    A real Porsche Turbo…..The 935 K3 Group 5 Monster

    About 800 HP and weighs 2100 lb.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5BwSkSKcm4

  9. I would be interested to see the depreciation curves between say, the latest iPhone, and the latest BEV, then add the depreciation curves of ICE vehicles on the same chart.

    I bet even ICE vehicles are getting steeper steeper depreciation curves with all the “connectivity” going obsolete just as quickly as the latest iPhone,

    If I get big enough bug up my rear – I might just do that.

    In the meantime, I have switch validation to prepare for Jeep EVs “Starting at” Wait for it… $80k

    https://www.caranddriver.com/jeep/wagoneer-ev

      • Or, possibly, ‘Taycan ‘Shovit’.
        Back in the day, of course, hot rodders routinely referred to Chevelles as “Shovels,” and Chevettes as “Shovits.”

        But I have to say that the Fartsonic comes nowhere close to the howl of a 1960s Mopar Hemi. Once you have heard that sound, you will never forget it, any more than you will forget the eerie whine of a Rolls Royce Merlin in a P51 Mustang.

        Sure wish I had been able to build out the AC Ace chassis I once owned into a “pseudo-Cobra” (before there were kits), but, unfortunately (old story) ran out of money & found a bigger sucker to buy it.

    • Hi Horst,

      If Navalny had rubbery blood clots at the time of his death, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet he died from the vaxx, not from anything Putin did. There have been embalmers who found all sorts of strange rubbery clots in the blood of corpses after the mass rollout of COVID jabs in 2021.

      • People also get blood clots that can kill them from being beaten or being dehydrated. Putin sent Navalny to the gulag, basically, and it was a death sentence from the beginning. Russians were very anti-vax and they didn’t have the mRNA vaccine, they used their own traditional vaccine, so I doubt they went and procured it to kill Navalny when things like beatings or poison work much more reliably. They’re not out to be subtle.

        • @ 3:14 in video…

          homogeneous… a society of people that share the same culture, beliefs, language and racial backgrounds

          heterogeneous…. a society of people that have a variety of cultures, beliefs, language and racial backgrounds

          Russia has a homogeneous society, so does the Ukraine…in this current war, both are being attacked…

          the slave owners like heterogeneous societies…if the slaves are fighting each other…there won’t be a slave revolt….

          Ukraine has one of the most homogeneous societies in the world..the slave owners are restructuring this now…in the war immigrants are moving in…Ukrainians out…

          @ 3:17:00 in video

          The highest percentage of adults who refused the bat germ injection were in Russia and Ukraine….now they are being punished….the war….getting blown up….

          https://invidious.jing.rocks/watch?v=lyYQ8XJlJSs&list=PLllBTohUweHxaAzFpph0xGtqNzBeWku87&index=58

  14. The Taycan is a “Turbo S” in the same sense that a Mustang Mach-E is a Mustang. This is what happens when you let marketing people run amok, and try to use the image of a car people are familiar with to sell one which isn’t. This little bit of marketing trickery does work on the fools who buy something based on name alone – dumb people with too much money, and I don’t begrudge them that. I’d never buy one.

    Your last article about Mercedes and this one illustrate something I’ve been seeing for a while. I work with both of these companies as part of my job. The engineers and lower level “makers” within the companies hold the same views about EV vs ICE as you and I do, but they have no influence. It’s the upper management who’s signaling their EV virtue. What I don’t know is whether this is genuine belief, or a fear response to government, or virtue signaling to the climate change screamers.

    I think the car companies are saying what they have to say to stay to keep regulators from singling them out and making an example of them. VW got positively reamed having been caught doing what pretty much everyone does and that scares people. I have no proof of this, just a feeling, but I think people are saying what the overlords want to hear, and keeping contingency plans in flight. I think that German companies will resist first, because they are such a huge part of the German economy, that they can move government if they want to. Furthermore, Europe may be socialist and full of leftist nuts, but their court systems are still interested in applying the rule of law, versus implementing the directives of the ruling party. (It’s sad to see legal systems on a continent with no notion of individual liberty become more fair than ours).

    • Hi OL,

      I agree with your summary. I also know mid-tier people who’ve told me the same. The thing that’s changed is the top-tier people. I used to know them, too – and got along great with them because we were all car people. They liked me because I didn’t hate cars or the business of making them. Now I find myself at odds with people at companies such as MB, who apparently don’t like me anymore for exactly the same reason the top-tier people used to like me. I still like cars. They no longer do.

      • It’s what happens when bean counters run companies, not the engineers and makers. This is the same disease killing Boeing right now.

    • Update.

      The branding badges Porsche, Santa Cruz and Cannondale are all actually held by a branding badge known as Pon aka Pan. Certified goat fk.

      All pushing “devices” regardless of trivial feduciary trifle.

  15. ‘How long before someone slaps “V8” on the back of a device?’ — eric

    This is very easily arranged. ‘V8″ is a trademark of the Campbell Soup Company. It appears on bottles of a tomato-based vegetable juice of which I am quite fond, particularly with added pepper, horseradish, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce and vodka.

    Thus, to your screaming little twin-turbo four — boosted to within an inch of its life — add some tomato-red piping to the seats, tomato-red brake calipers, and tomato-red exterior accents, and then you are at liberty, after making a modest royalty payment to the aforementioned Campbell Soup Company, to slap a V8 badge on that limited special edition for an $18,000 upcharge. Bloody Marys not included. 🙁

    • Charge that EV battery! Charging seems to be what EV’s do best. It just sits there doing nothing until the EV permits you to drive it. Forget driving, it’ll drive you to the looney bin.

      Ford built the V8 engine back in 1932.

      V8 juice wasn’t created until 1933. Campbell’s Soup acquired V8 the drink in 1948. Didn’t even create the drink. beets, celery, carrots, lettuce, parsley, watercress, spinach, and tomato. Just a bunch of leftover vegetables nobody could sell, too much there.

      Looks like V8 got hijacked from Ford by Campbell’s. Have to sue, no other choice, royalties are due since the first bottle sold. If the gov can fine auto manufacturers for not obeying, then Campbell’s can be fined for using a letter and a number illegally and leaving Ford holding the bag.

      Might have to re-consider who divvies it all up. Ford has first dibs, looks like it to me.

      Maybe Ford could demand a ten cent royalty for every bottle of V8 juice sold since 1948. There oughta be a law!

      Clamato with lea and perrins, pickle juice, celery salt, short stalk of celery for more flavor, Stolichnaya, the only vodka. Two one ounce shots per pint. Have to shake in some Frank’s RedHot hot sauce. You have a Caesar, Canadians use lemon juice and pickle juice. Olives and a dill pickle in the mix if you want.

      Forget about the hyphen!

  16. … and all those empty miles… just roll, ro-oh-oh-ll, roll away… they roll, ro-oh-oh-ll, roll away… – Midland, Roll Away

    Car videos are mesmerizing and hypnotizing, you want to drive the Porsche yourself.

    136,000 Taycans worldwide total sales, 200,000 a copy, 13,200,000,000 USD in total dollars spent, wasted.

    Half of it is gone already.

    Porsche needs to re-evaluate its priorities.

  17. Same comment as on Eric’s article about Mercedes yesterday:

    I for one have no sympathy for any entity that buys into the climate change hoax & proceeds to castrate themselves. That goes for individuals, corporations, or states. Good riddance to stupid rubbish.

  18. They are thrashing around, because they don’t know how to do what governments insist they do, and still sell cars.
    They can’t.
    Curious that this radical loss in value showed up in Porches. But it is a very small market, and perhaps not so relevant.

    • Hi John,

      I found it interesting that the depreciated devices referenced by the Jalopnik writer all had very low miles; one of them around 15k. In other words, a barely used device. Try to find a four-year-old 911 Turbo with 15k miles for half the original selling price…

      • ‘a barely used device’ — eric

        Trouble is, EeeVee battery life is measured in dog years.

        In a 4-year-old wheeled cell phone, its battery is already approaching middle age.

        At 10 years on the shiny device shell, its battery will be elderly, creaky and crotchety — like some people I know. Don’t make me name names.

        • Hi Jim,
          Some complete idiot wrote an article in the local paper a couple of days ago about.how you can now get a great deal on a used EV, because there are so many available now. Well, DUH….he specifically mentioned how Hertz has dumped 20,000 used EV’s on the market, without ever mentioning WHY that was so. Can’t fix stupid.

      • The e911 in my neighborhood is sort of like a sun belt golf cart. Mostly sits outside on the street far away from owners valuable house.

  19. “Turbo” was one of the first Orwellian newspeak terms. In the 1980s there were all sorts of turbos, found in everything. Turbo(charged) cars, of course. That’s where it all started, with early attempts to build power into small engines to regain performance. And like the number badges that came with the optional big block engines of the 1970s, that badge was there to tell the world you paid up for performance (even if it was on a minivan). But pretty soon it became a marketing term. Lots of things gained a “turbo” badge. Boomboxes and speakers, small electric appliances, shoes, sunglasses. Even tax preparation software got into the game. I recall a Far Side from that time:

    https://rennlist.com/forums/attachments/944-turbo-and-turbo-s-forum/42449d1107083252-wtb-farside-turbo-cartoon-larson.jpg

    This columnated in the introduction of the 386 microprocessor* and the motherboard “turbo” switch. This was designed to actually slow down your machine to the default 4.77 MHz for software compatibility purposes. No one ever bothered to turn off turbo mode but it became another selling point, with that turbo LED shining brightly.

    At some point in the 1990s/00s, the marketing term fell out of favor and the term reverted back to the exotic sports car. So it only makes sense that the marketing departments of these companies apply it where it has no meaning. To them, turbo is just another (totally awesome) word.

    *I might be wrong on the timing, it might have started on the 286. At the time I was still running Atari 8 bits.

    • ‘I was still running Atari 8 bits.’ — ReadyKilowatt

      Those primitive little processors were put to shame by the mind of a house fly. They were more like nematode-level intelligence. But now we have Gemini AI, performing monumental feats of ratiocination like this one:

      Hitler: WW2, Holocaust, bad art

      Musk: Electric vehicles, expanding internet access, future space travel

      Who’s worse?

      Google’s Gemini AI: “Wow, tough question. Too close to call.”

      https://twitter.com/eyeslasho/status/1761795522556223561

  20. It’s mind-boggling that an expensive, luxury carmaker like Porsche would lie so blatantly about a car. Calling it a “turbo” when it’s electric… talk about Orwellian mindfuck. That’s something you’d expect the government to do.

    But of course in the corporatist state the government and the corporations are essentially the same…

  21. Before reading this I figured the Taycan was a turbocharged 4 door luxury sedan by Porsche and figured the loss in value was due to the used luxury sedan phenomenon.

    Of course being an EV and a luxury sedan guarantees its value will drop like a rock. Makes you wonder how many Taycan owners lining up to charge their devices cursed when that rusted out Volare was refueled and gone in 5 minutes?

    • Gates has a Porsche 959…old school ice powered….

      The billionaire slave owner control group will be driving Porsche’s and Ferrari’s while the slaves are locked up in 15 min city/prisons….zero mobility….

      less useless eaters clogging up their highways……

      The billionaire slave owner control group will also be enjoying the pristine wilderness….after the slaves are banned from rural living…..

    • Hi Roscoe,

      In the case of the Ford device, “GT” means the battery/motor output is higher. Analogous – Ford hopes people will believe – with the way “GT” in the context of a Mustang meant a higher-performance Mustang.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here