I can’t take credit for this one – I just wish I could!
A reader, writing in response to my article of a couple of days ago about the Gay Muscle Car, suggested that to complete the ensemble of fake muscle car noises emanating from this device trying desperately to be everything it isn’t and can never be – kind of like Rachel Levine and Dylan Mulvaney – there ought to be fake sounds of the gas not being pumped from the “fast” chargers at which devices draw electricity.
Hilarious!
Also revelatory.
If devices such as the 2024 Charger were appealing in their own right, it would not be necessary to try to appeal to people’s memories of what these devices aren’t.
Putting on a show isn’t going to cut it.
Dodge did everything it could shy of doing the one thing it should have done. It ought to have fought back rather than given in. This is something VW ought to have done when it stood accused of “cheating” on the federal government’s exhaust emissions certification tests back around 2015. This “cheating” being the equivalent of the “speeding” everyone does in that both are harmless violations of statutes designed to catch people violating them, in order to provide a pretext for punishing them.
Just like the “ticket” you’ve probably gotten for doing 41 in a 35 or some such – which you and the cop both know didn’t mean your driving was unsafe – but which the cop pretended it was – VW’s offense wasn’t so much that it altered its diesel-powered cars such that when tested their exhaust emissions were lower than they were when driven. The real offense was the cars themselves – because they offended the government’s plan to push people into battery powered devices.
Can’t have $22k, 50-plus-MPG Jettas and Golfs that go 600 miles on a tankful that takes less than five minutes to refill available when you’re trying to push people into $50k-plus devices that maybe go 250 miles – if it’s not too cold or hot outside – that require you to wait at least 30-45 minutes for a partial recharge.
The “cheating” provided the excuse needed to punish VW for offering the former when government wanted the latter.
VW’s mistake was to agree it did something wrong – just as most people tend to do when the cop who just pulled them over tells them they were “speeding.”
Really, officer? I had no idea! I thought I was doing the speed limit . . .
Of course, it’s only a $150 “ticket” (that is, mulcting). Plus the future mulcting by the insurance mafia, when they find out about your “speeding.” Not worth fighting about it by the side of the road with an armed government worker. Not the hill to die on. And so, instead, we die a slow death. Having kowtowed to this business of being “ticketed” for this or that statutory violation, we are now subject to being “ticketed” for so many potential violations that driving within the letter-of-the-law has become almost impossible and always unpleasant as well as absurd. Examples of the latter include the necessity of coming to a complete stop at stop signs when there is no traffic around – but there might be an armed government worker lurking around. Also waiting for no reason – other than it being “the law” – at a red light when it’s obviously safe to make your turn.
VW – the car industry, generally – have pretended to agree the government is right and they have been in the wrong. In VW’s case, that the fractions of a fraction difference (literally) in the quantity of oxides of nitrogen produced under wide-open-throttle by its diesel engines constituted anything more than “speeding” not even 41 in a 35 zone – as we’re not even dealing with whole numbers here.
In Dodge’s case, that the beloved Hemi V8 powered Charger (and the V6 Charger; more on that it a moment) is causing the “climate” to “change.”
It’s nonsense of a piece with the lies about “asymptomatic spreaders” – used to justify punishing people who refused to put on a “mask” to “stop the spread” of a sickness they didn’t have (and so could not transmit). Also the gross exaggerations of the threat supposedly presented to everyone by a cold that was in fact no more of a threat to people not already chronically sick or very old and frail than colds have always been to people in those high-risk categories.
You may have noticed a pattern here.
Two of them, actually.
The first is the use of trumped-up charges to justify the government’s actions. The second and more interesting thing is the pretended acceptance of guilt by the victims of government’s actions.
Yes, officer. I’m sorry. I promise not to do it again.
And:
Here’s our new line of “zero emissions” EVs! We are doing our part to lower our “carbon footprint.” 
Instead – of only! – VW or Dodge or any of them refused to play along with the guilt-tripping. If only – as in VW’s case – the company had defended itself. Had very publicly insisted to know who, exactly, had been harmed by the literally fractions of a fraction difference in oxides of nitrogen emissions under wide-open-throttle produced by its TDI engines. Bring forth just one victim. An actual person actually harmed – as opposed to a rule affronted. Instead, millions have been victimized – by the government. They are no longer able to buy 50-plus-MPG VWs that go 600 miles on a tankful for $22k or so.
Instead, they are presented with $50k devices that go maybe 250 or so miles, if it’s not too cold or hot out.
And Dodge could have done what the industry should have done decades ago – and told people why it can’t legally build the cars buyers want and is instead building cars the government demands, which most buyers don’t want.
Like this new device being marketed as a “Charger,” which it kind of is now. And – as a final note – while most of the coverage of this device focuses on the V8 it no longer has (but the sounds of which it imitates) there is little mention of the fact that the V6 you used to be able to get in a Charger is also gone.
And it’s more than just that.
The V6 version of the Charger was much more affordable than the V8-powered iterations. The new battery-powered “Charger” is certain to be less so because it looks like Dodge is only going to offer a simulacrum of the V8-powered, no-longer-available version. In other words, what you used to be able to buy – as recently as just a few months ago – for $33,200 (the base price of a ’23 Charger SXT with a 3.6 liter V6) no longer exists. Instead, people will be offered the “opportunity” to step up to a device that emulates the sounds and sensations of the V8 powered Charger R/T Dodge no longer sells. One that will likely cost at least $10k more than the $42,940 base price of a ’23 V8-powered Charger R/T.
That’s what happens when you pretend to agree you did something wrong – and play along with those who mean you harm.
. . .
If you like what you’ve found here please consider supporting EPautos.
We depend on you to keep the wheels turning!
Our donate button is here.
If you prefer not to use PayPal, our mailing address is:
EPautos
721 Hummingbird Lane SE
Copper Hill, VA 24079
PS: Get an EPautos magnet or sticker or coaster in return for a $20 or more one-time donation or a $10 or more monthly recurring donation. (Please be sure to tell us you want a magnet or sticker or coaster – and also, provide an address, so we know where to mail the thing!)
If you like items like the Keeeeeeev T shirt pictured below, you can find that and more at the EPautos store!
None of these things are selling or are going to sell. Any why the ‘force’ is coming whether you like it or not.
That thing sounds terrible.
Hi Brandon,
Embarrassing, too. I can’t imagine anyone older than 17 driving that device and not feeling like a tool.
And anyone that’s 17 will never afford one unless they’ve got rich parents.
$34T and growing debt bomb plus BRICS will put an end to the madness.
If you have to make your new product emulate the old one, then it’s clear that your customers DO NOT want the new version. The “climate” be damned! Speaking of which, has anyone ever noticed that there’s never a “crisis”, UNTIL the technology to “avert it” becomes available? No one was concerned about “climate change”, until the advent of Li-ion BEVs. Just like masks and/or “vaccines” weren’t required, until they proliferated. Ditto for no fear of driving, until ADAT and automated vehicles became available. And here in Doitey-Joisey, disposable shopping bags were never a threat to baby sea turtles, until reusable bags became a thing. In other words, the “solution” ALWAYS precedes the “problem”.
bg6124,
I notice “invented diseases” constantly peddled on the TV whenever I watch good retro
shows at night! (Mannix, Hogan’s Heroes etc.)
I believe I’ve seen at least 6 “new ailments”diagnosed within the last 2 months!
Boy, I wish they could come up with a cure for ASS-Active Sphincter Syndrome (with occasional “bad breath”)….a malady I have suffered with for decades.
Oh, to be able to stroll into a crowded elevator with confidence!
I wonder what the commercial would look like….? 🙂
The sound of gas flowing into a gas tank for a fill up, the batteries being charged, the sound would go on forever and be non-stop 24/7. It is now, gas stations are everywhere you go, to be sure, the sound of gas flowing into a charging battery would be amplified by a factor of 10 and increased flow by a factor of 100.
Not real gas, just the sound of gasoline flowing, of course.
If you own an electric vehicle, chances are you have another vehicle with an engine. Life will be better for you.
I can charge the EV all day and drive the ICE vehicle while electricity flows to the battery.
If you only have an EV, you’ll be chained to the charger for hours, be a good time to have a few drinks while you wait. You can get couch-locked for a few hours, take a nap.
Another way to look at it is while the EV is charging, you can get the feeling of a boot stamped on your neck, not quite forever, but long enough while charging, the electric vehicle hobbles your ability to roll the wheels. It’ll get old fast.
Joe Biden too, enough to drive you to drink there. Joe uses needles and bombs, not a boot, but still feels like one.
Had a conversation with a Tesla Model 3 owner, likes the car, rear wheel drive, you place the front tires on the rear wheels and buy two new tires for the front. Drives it in and around Phoenix.
Didn’t ask about charging times and such.
‘This is something VW ought to have done when it stood accused of “cheating” on the federal government’s exhaust emissions certification tests back around 2015.’ — eric
How VW did it:
“Knowing when to switch to the EPA-favorable cycle is the trick; it could be set up to detect the absence of steering-wheel movement, or, and this is known, we often turn off the traction control for testing purposes.” Either way, the result is the same: it turns the emissions controls on for EPA testing and off for real-world driving. Somewhat ironically, the presumed benefits of turning off the controls for normal driving include improved fuel economy and engine power.”
https://tinyurl.com/yc82pahf
Yesterday I encountered a similar algorithmic problem: a high-performance sector trading model I’ve developed has one glaring flaw: a 50% drawdown during the 2020 lockdown, when it held the worst-performing sector.
Like VW’s coders, I found a particular combination of worst rank plus an unusually high selection score during that meltdown, which exists less than 1% of the time. This morning, I’m gonna code around it — turning on the emissions controls, as it were, to snuff that dip. Is this cheating?
A purist — an academician — would say of course: you’re adding a highly tuned degree of freedom, a ‘gotcha’ rule, which defeats the generality of your model. I say, this is exactly what I want the model to do if this unusual combination recurs … and it works for me in the real world, bitchez!
We need to do what Milei is doing in Argentina,,, eliminating unnecessary three letter parasitic agencies. Our epa being the worst. So far it has eliminated our manufacturing and now has its eye set on eliminating the auto industry. Governments answer to this? Bring in millions that they think are willing to work for next to nothing yet these replacements have no skills to do the work. In government the answer to any problem caused by government ends up being yet another problem.
Putting illegals into the military to use against we citizens. Fine with me. It would be a very cost effective method of deportation.
The other three letter parasites are the atf,,, the irs,,, the fbi and most of all,,, the Federal Reserve. The fbi has proven itself to be a willing gestapo. The irs,,, a cartel of thieves. The atf,,, regulating firearms is unconstitutional. The Federal Reserve,,, allows the printing (dilution) of money disguised as borrowing creating inflation.
Government(s) do not own us, our labor, our property. We are not the sheep that need sheared as Calvera put it.
“…eliminating unnecessary three letter parasitic agencies.”
I wonder why the government almost always uses three-letter acronyms? Is it something to do with the number 3?
Alphabet song (heard this on a radio a while back, was pretty hilarious, can’t find it anymore sadly):
BATF IRS
CIA and FBI
DHS TSA
NSA and KGB
Now I know my ABCs
All of which spell TYRANNY!
People are finally starting to see through the MASSIVE propaganda involving electric vehicles, but given the nature of government, instead of admitting they’ve been LYING about EVs, they might double, triple, or even quadruple down on trying to SHOVE EVs down everyone’s throats and claim it’s necessary because of “Climate Emergency”. They did something similar when they obsessively tried to get COVID jabs in every American’s arms, claiming “Public Health Emergency”….
https://thegoodcitizen.live/p/evirtue-signaling?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Eric wrote: “Bring forth just one victim. An actual person actually harmed – as opposed to a rule affronted.”
Lies, damned lies and statistics.
Thing is, the prosecution would trot out every wheezy asthmatic kid they could find who lived anywhere near a road. Then lead the witness into recalling that summer afternoon when all his (thir) friends were outside enjoying the sunshine, but he was isolated in his room with nothing but his inhaler for company. How does one defend against such a sob story? Bring in experts who try to educate the jury? LOL! And if VW should somehow win the case, then there’s the congressional investigations, civil lawsuits and all the rest. Either way they’re screwed by the kangaroo court system.
At one point I was disappointed to the point of being truly pissed off at VW for rolling over like a whipped puppy. But this EV thing is central to TPTB’s long term plan. Like Ukraine, they don’t care about a million dead as long as it advances the agenda. If VW fought back they would have destroyed the company. I mean no more VW led ironically by the Germans themselves who has their nuts in a vice controlled by the Greens.
Of course the economic implications of that would have been so serious it could have easily destroyed the entire European economy.
Maybe that is what should have happened I don’t know. It wouldn’t have had an economy kiumg effect in the US right away and Americans are sometimes too stupid or distracted to put 2+2 together when the dominoes start falling.
That being said, it was shameful and embarrassing how VW reacted. They threw themselves at the mercy of the court not realizing that the court is run by narcissistic sociopaths who don’t do “mercy”.
This outcome might be worse in the long run, but the problem with ling firm problems is that most people only have short term memories.
I recall reading a review of a TDI in C&D back when it was a car magazine run by people who loved cars. They said something like “these are the cars that will trailer the EVs and hybrids”.
The saddest part is what VW did really wasn’t even illegal. They had to invest a crime by calling the ECM a “defeat device” which it defeated nothing. It just optimized the performance for varying conditions. That’s actually a good thing, its what they SHOULD be doing.
VW’s behavior is explained easily if you realize that the emissions scandal was fake all along and VW was in on it from the very beginning. VW simply did what it was told to do. Same as with the auto industry in general, which allows itself to be gutted like it does now. The government and big business are owned by the same money, you see.
Hi Yuri,
I’ve wondered about that. About whether the “Dieselgate” thing was a set-up, designed to slander “clean” diesel (and by implication, all) engines so as t pave the way for “emissions free” EVs. I feel like the Comedian from Watchmen.
It’s all a joke.
Well, they did name it the “Charger”
It should be named the dis-charger since it disrespects the real charger.
“How dare you be smarter than us and program your product to out smart our test!!”
VW’s diesels did pass their stupid test after all. Their sin was making the Psychopaths In Charge look bad in the process.
Telling that GM did the same thing and only had to pay a fine. Of course you can’t get their little diesel engine either.
They offer a 3.0 litre in line six by Duramax in the 1500 trucks. My 2020 gets 30 mpg, highest average in the upper 40s. I love it
Of course how many years will it be before you pay an “electricity guzzler” fee to buy a performance EV?
On the upside maybe you can retrofit that fratzonic chamber gadget to a cordless impact or blender, fun times to be sure. Or better yet figured out how to have kept the Charger gasoline powered. I wonder if a Charger burning propane or E85 would have passed the newer emissions regulations?