First came ASS – the acronym that stands for Automatic Stop/Start, the system that automatically shuts off the vehicle’s engine every time the vehicle stops moving, then automatically restarts it when the driver lifts his foot off the brake.
At first – when ASS began to mysteriously appear in new vehicles as a standard feature that no one asked for about a decade ago – it was easy enough to turn ASS off. There was usually a button on the dash or somewhere on the center console. You often had to turn ASS off at the start of every drive in order to stop ASS from shutting off the engine every time the vehicle stopped moving – but at least you could turn ASS off.
Then it got harder to find the off button because there no longer was one. Instead, you had to figure out where “off” was buried within the various menus displayed on the LCD screen. These latter became unavoidable in a new vehicle about five years ago. No more just getting in and pushing the off button; it was necessary to go through a process of rigmarole to turn ASS off.
It was easier to just leave it on.
Just what they wanted. Just what was originally intended. The vehicle manufacturers knew few – if any – of their customers wanted ASS. That’s why ASS was never an option. It has always been a standard feature. But when a standard feature is unwanted, it’s generally wise for the seller to make it possible to turn it off. Hence the button – for awhile.
Now the physical button is gone – and the option to turn ASS off – is disappearing.
This is an example that sets the stage for the next feature that’s all-of-a-sudden becoming standard in new vehicles: “Distracted/drowsy driver” monitoring systems.
These monitor the driver’s eye movements via cameras you can’t see but that see you. That watch you while you drive. The cameras are typically embedded in a housing on top of the steering column; look for what appears to be a small accessory warning gauge pod that never lights up. Some systems watch you via cameras built into the big black box thing that’s now part of the rearview mirror.
The point is, you’re being watched as you drive. If the system doesn’t like how you’re driving, it will badger you with warning chimes to “keep eyes forward” or “take a break.”
All it takes for the badgering to commence is to glance right or left as you drive; i.e., for you to keep track of what’s going on around you as opposed to just what’s in front of you. The system wants mindless tunnel-vision; eyes ahead only! It’s not exactly “safe” but then neither is the embedding of most of a vehicle’s controls within menus that are only accessible by “scrolling through” smartphone-emulating menus on a smartphone-emulating LCD touchscreen built into the vehicle – but leave that aside for the present.
Almost no one asked for these “distracted/drowsy driver” monitoring systems, either. They just began to appear – magically! – about two three years ago. Soon, they will be as unavoidable in a new vehicle as ASS and after a period of getting-used-to-it, it will become impossible to turn off this feature, too.
For now, it is possible to defeat (there is no off button) the “distracted/drowsy driver” monitor by putting a piece of painter’s or electrical tape over the electronic eye, so it cannot see you anymore. When you do that, the monitor gets annoyed with you – just like your middle school teacher did when you passed notes in class. “Sit Up!” the display reads. The monitor/nag thinks you’re slouching in your seat. After awhile, it gives up and says the “distracted/drowsy driver” monitor isn’t able to monitor and to check your owner’s manual. 
It’s entertaining – it’s enjoyable – to stymie the electronic nag. But laugh while you can because it won’t be long before you can’t stymie the nag. It’s coming as assuredly as the button to turn ASS off is going.
What will happen is that the vehicle will not drive if the “distracted/drowsy driver” monitor is stymied. It may not pull itself over and lock you within until a cop arrives to hand you a ticket for “unsafe” driving. But it will refuse to move if it cannot see you; if you place tape over its electronic eyes to prevent it from seeing you. If you do that before putting it in Drive, it will not let you put it in Drive. Remember, you don’t control anything in a vehicle that is controlled by computers. You are allowed to operate various functions. So long as the computer allows it.
If you wait until you’re driving to place the tape over the eyes, the likely result will be badgering chimes that make driving unendurable. Or that the computer cuts engine power such that all you’re able to do is drive very slowly until the tape is removed. 
Bear in mind that this “distracted/drowsy driver” thing is already a mandated thing. That is to say, a thing all new vehicles must have by 2026. Which is why many vehicles already have it, in anticipation of what’s coming (in terms of the regs, which have the same effect as laws) and also so as to get people used to it.
Just like ASS.
. . .
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Everyday society becomes more Orwellian. I won’t be surprised if these will become eventually required by the insurance mafia. They will then “adjust” your rates for every so many seconds you look in a direction the devices don’t like. We really are turning into a fascist country at this point if we aren’t already there.
Hey Eric. An experiment: Mount your (smiling, wide-awake) photo in the sight line of the e-Nag and see/hear what happens.
Best Movie Ever.
Hey Eric, my buddy who was special forces said they already named the nag Bitchin Betty.
“Altitude too low, altitude too low” You would think pilots who flew spec ops missions would have a button to turn here off or at least shut her up when the pilot is fully aware and doesnt need the bitchin. Nope.
Worth the 10 minute time investment: the automotive market great reset.
https://youtu.be/GSmWcXf4ThE?feature=shared
At some point here’s what you do:
Buy the car.
Rip out all of the electronics.
Replace the ones you want with aftermarket (EFI, perhaps, or cruise control) & throw the rest in the woods.
Or mail it back to the OEM.
Imagine a mountain of packages of wires and circuits showing up addressed to Mary Barra at GM Center…Imagine the hazmat fees to get rid of it all…
Here’s what you do, RIGHT NOW…
1. Start buying gray market imports from overseas, Japan is probably best, but your $$, and your choice.
2. These are all typically like 25 Year old vehicles, and pre-invasive electronic gizmos.
3. Cheaper than new, old tech and typically low milage and if maintained, anvil reliable.
4. Have something no one else has, perhaps a 95 JDM skyline?
5. Eric did a column recently about a 4WD on this phenomenon.
Send the manufacturers a clear message with your $$$. Screw ’em all….
Good luck!!
I use a piece of masking tape to date label everything in my fridge. When in doubt, throw it out. Haven’t got food poisoning yet.
I bet you do. LOL.
Recent test drive of a brand new Maverick, and a Bronco, both had a button to disable ass. The salesman was so proud. He was young, and it seemed lost on him that you shouldn’t need a button in the first place. You should be able to buy a simple car that isn’t part of the internet of things. I no longer have a cell phone, why would I want to drive one. Cant help think old Henry is spinning. The Ford corporation hates me, (a lifelong customer) and everyone like me. Or, maybe they just love the reassuring tyranny of the government teat more than the idea of giving their customers what they want. Either way, FORD is officially FOAD in my eyes. I hope they bleed out and die screaming. Also hope to lay some short bets on at just the right time.
Wife’s new (50K miles) 99 500SL Benz runs like champ. I’m looking at a 92 chevy stepside Wednesday. Six cylinder, 5 speed, looks nice in the pictures. They always look good until you start crawling around under them. Although, life long Arizona cars seem to have fewer problems if they were garaged and taken care of. This one has pretty high miles, we’ll see.
We’ve wrapped our mind around the idea that we wont ever own a new car. Cant justify rollin in a mobile microwave oven that treats you like an infant, even if I didn’t want to live forever, its still an unacceptable version of safe and effective. The day, of criminalizing freedom of choice, is rapidly approaching. Some day soon, we’ll all be outlaws.
Re: desert cars, great for no rust but hell on plastics, look at the wiring insulation for heat / exposure damage. Buddy got grandmas low mileage cream puff but the heat had cooked the wiring. Lots of electrical issues and this was pre CANBUS computer age.
That makes sense. The truck I’m looking at is pretty cheap, so even with a new motor, and throwing some money in it, it might turn out better than new.
Its as much about the sun as the heat. Not hot as hell everywhere in Az, but the sun always shines. I’ve had vehicles that spent their entire lives outside, and ones inside. all things being equal, the ones outside here in Az at least, are always worse for the wear. The wiring as well as the interior.
The wife’s new MB is like a hermetically sealed time capsule from 1999. In some ways, I like it more than my 02 T-bird. The Mercedes is exactly what I’d expect from the Germans, built just like a tank. Hoping it will be a keeper, one for the kids/grandkids.
That MB sounds like a great find! I’m at the airport after a 110 mile drive in the kids 09 Acura MDX, the suspension isn’t aging well. We did shocks and struts, sway bar links, tie rods. It struggles on rough roads, divots, etc the norm here in WA. Some other stuff underneath need attention.
Its surprising that an 09 has that many problems. My brother had an MDX he swore by. You have some rough roads up there, We drove from Seattle down the I-5, leisurely through Washington and Oregon, then over to Crescent city, all the way up to Port Angeles last spring, and that climate has to be tough on any car, especially on the windward side of the cascades.
The previous owner of the Benz put about five grand into it a few years back, shocks were part of that. It has sat outside more in the last month since we bought it than its entire life. I had a bitch of a time making room alongside the T-Bird in our tiny two car garage.
‘we wont ever own a new car. Cant justify rollin’ in a mobile microwave oven that treats you like an infant’ — Norman Franklin
Pure poetry. Nothing built since about 2013, when vehicle telematics began systematically to poison our world, is of any interest to me.
I don’t want what they are building at any price, including free.
Subaru employee here. The image you show of Eyesight is not a driver monitoring system, but rather the similarly detestable suite of ADAS (“Advanced” “Driver” “Assistance” System) features such as ACC (Adaptive Cruise Control), LDW (Lane Departure Warning), LKAS (Lane Keep Assist) FCW (Forward Collision Warning) and AEB (Automatic Emergency Braking). It started as a seemingly interesting, quirky and dare I say even desirable option (“look, my car can basically drive itself!”) that customers could choose if they wanted “every bell & whistle”. It’s since morphed in an unavoidable add-on on even our “cheapest” most “basic” vehicle like the Base Impreza which starts around $25k. Not “Driver Focus” is the newest feature that is following the same trajectory. We have it on our 2022 Forester because we got the Touring trim, which is to say, the top trim level. It nags you if you even so much as scratch your face. It was marketed as both a safety & convenience feature as it will also set your seat and side mirrors to your preference based on it seeing you sitting in the “driver’s” seat. Now, I see it showing up in lesser trim levels and models. I’ve no doubt in the next couple years, just like ADAS features, it’ll be on the Base Impreza too. At least for now, I can turn even it off.
Oh, and the ASS can still be turning off on all Subaru’s with one single press of either a touch or physical button, depending on the model. And the 3-row Ascent…doesn’t even have it!
Good report on Subarus, thanks. Nice that the Ascent doesn’t have auto stop start.
‘[Driver Focus] nags you if you even so much as scratch your face.’ — Dan
What does she — excuse me, ‘it’ — say when you scratch your balls?
I own one of the new VB WRX’s (Love it for the most part) – was in the shop for a few days and they gave me a loaner. A 2024 Outback Onyx and the eyesight stuff was rough man, hated it. Hated the ASS, had to remember to turn it off at the touch screen. Sadly the 24 WRX’s have eyesight as well. It really feels like the good times are running out, and have been for some time.
The mechanical age was the golden age…..this computerized age is a curse….now with AI it got a lot worse….
Fascism 2.0, Part 3: Feudalism 2.0
How our closed and controlled Social Media services are now processing every post with an LLM…..AI…..
The sentiment will be “we are worried for you because your thoughts are wrong and they’re harming you.”
https://www.zerohedge.com/political/fascism-20-part-3-feudalism-20
An article this morning says that JP Morgan Chase is considering to sue the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau over some inquiries it made about the payment app Zelle. In January JPMorgan’s CFO, Jeremy Barnum, discussed suing bank regulatory agencies over higher bank capital requirements known as Basel III.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/big-banks-are-no-longer-afraid-to-confront-their-dc-overseers-111802724.html
Banksters are some of the most conformist people on the planet. If the white-shoe, golf-at-3pm crowd is sufficiently vexed to litigate, what’s holding back EeeVee Mary and Lightning Jim? Stockholm syndrome, in which they admire and identify with their NHTSA and EPA captors?
As a former corporate colleague used to say, ‘If those guys were working for me … they wouldn’t be!’
Eric, I caught you on KMED several years ago and have followed you ever since. So glad to hear a voice of reason among the throngs of auto insanity.
It makes me glad I have old(er) vehicles, with the oldest being the most interesting at least to me. I have a 1986 Samurai “tin top” with a VW diesel transplant of the same era. Mileage is around high 30’s-40 mpg. The diesel has a mechanical injector pump and the vehicle is essentially “electronics free”. It does have a battery and starter, however the vehicle can be bump started, which I have done a time or two. It also has a manual 5 speed. This thing is 4×4 and will literally go anywhere. The 8000 lb Warn winch can even take it farther. It also will squeeze between obstacles where my ’97 Jeep would have to stop.
After seeing what Govco and the auto industry has planned for us, I’m stepping off that Merry-Go-Round.
I wonder how many years we have left before they start limiting our ability to drive old cars. I guess it depends on the outcome of the election, although I think that will just slow down the progress, not stop it. And certainly not reverse it.
I can imagine in the near future that I will be pulled over and fined repeatedly until they arrest me and take my car. Bastards.
Shame that people don’t think they have the moral right (even a duty) to fight back and will just go along peacefully.
The consequences are severe. Is it worth the cost, or better to crawl away and live another day? That’s up to each of us.
Incrementalism is their tactic and it works.
Shakespeare said it 500 years ago:
“A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once. It seems to me most strange that men should fear, seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.”
Modern man has forgotten this. He thinks he will somehow live forever. In fact, he won’t, but with enough tyranny and misery even a short life will seem like eternity.
Can’t wait for the big fat law suit over catastrophic damage/death caused by such computer nannyism control of a vehicle. Steering to the shoulder and shutting down is seldom a safe maneuver. Especially if there is no shoulder to speak of.
Amen, John –
The system’s constant nagging is itself a distraction. It wearies you. It makes you want to smash something….
Repeatedly I expressed concern for the DUI monitoring.
There are folks who live in a rural areas without first responder access.
What happens when vehicle owner has had a few too many. Child gets injured (possibly critically) and needs to get to hospital ASAP or at least to town where ambulance can take over.
But due to driver monitoring, vehicle is speed limited (at best) or disabled at worst.
Who is responsible when that child is harmed?
Based on discussion with peers and management, they believe the parent is at fault. Furthermore, they feel that when the lawsuit inevitably comes, they will be indemnified by .gov in a similar manner as has occurred with Takata air bags. I.e OEM’s won’t be held liable when the system that was mandated by .gov fails to protect and actually causes harm. Acting in good faith don’t cha’ know. Not their fault they did what they were told by regulation.
The precedent has already been set.
I know a semi driver who’s tractor yanked itself over into the next lane and caused a serious multi car wreck. The driver was blamed and in hot water even tho he pleaded “it was the truck” so he got a lawyer and was trying to fight it.
Shortly after the same tractor did the same ‘yanked it out of the driver’s hands’ and and caused yet another serious wreck.
This was brought to the judge and the case/points charges were dismissed.
I never heard anymore about it and the company is still using the same fleet with the same software as far as I know.
Nothing to see here, move along. Business as usual till the next big wreck.
When I took driver’s ed back in high school the instructor told us to always keep your eyes moving, be aware of what’s going on all around you. Excellent advice, and it kept me out of many a jam over the years. Staring straight ahead like a zombie with tunnel vision sounds like the perfect formula to get T-boned by someone running a stop sign/red light while staring at their sail fawn.
Indeed.
When it was still safe for this old fart to drive, I typically checked my mirrors about every ten seconds, and looked for traffic coming from side streets and driveways. Saved my life several times.
I always watch my rear view mirror, lots of aholes back there. Hehe.
Hi Mike
I ride a Kawasaki and if your head isn’t on a swivel you probably won’t make it back home once you’ve left. It shocks me how bad the average driver has become at driving. This look only straight ahead reminds me of horses with their blinders on! Except this time we’re the horses and the computer is holding the reins.
“ The auto industry is making a beeline for an existential calamity. And I’ve got a bottle of fine champagne on ice to toast their demise. 🙂”. Jim H
As someone who left a 27 year career as an automotive engineering career due to the mandated jab and having been funneled into working to support and develop these tyrannical “features” which are being driven by .gov regulation I say Cheers to the death of the industry.
Reading the comments it’s sad that most people don’t realize the extent to which these “features” are integrated in such a way as to hobble the vehicle if they are tampered with.
Example: covering the driver facing camera can be made to put the vehicle into “limp mode”. This could restrict any number of other functions including speed limiting.
Development and testing of methods to autonomously move the vehicle to the side of the road and safely shut it down are already feasible and underway. There are ongoing discussions about whether the doors should automatically be locked for occupant Saaaffffety until first responders arrive.
This all is being done under the assumption the driver has become physically incapacitated (medical event, driver falls asleep).
What really depressed me was as how my colleagues developing these “features” can not see how the features will be abused to enslave. Example: for suspected DUI just pull vehicle over, disable ignition, lock occupant inside, notify the authorities.
Initially, I thought this inability to see the potential for abuse was due to naivety on the part of the people I worked with.
After seeing the how they supported the depravity and tyranny of COVID masking and the Death Jab, I now realize how many of them are in love with the idea of turning your car into an instrument of your own oppression.
Wake up guys!!!!!. In the end it won’t be as simple as putting a piece of painters tape over the driver facing camera. Likewise all new cars are coming with “cybersecurity “ that makes it much more difficult to hack the CAN bus. Likewise if the vehicle detects tampering with the CAN bus or software, the vehicle can be “protected” by basically bricking itself. Read up on the blue screen of death that occurs when over the air software updates fail. If software checksums don’t match – the vehicle becomes completely unusable.
Buckle up, put on a helmet, we are in for a very rough ride from here on out.
Hi Burn!
Your perspective is welcomed and appreciated. I have a number of friends still “inside” the business who pass along interesting information… off the record, of course. It is every bit as bad as you say and I think even worse. As someone who loves cars and appreciates engineering, it just makes me sick – and mad.
Driving in general is far safer than going to the doctor (41000 dying on the road in the US in 2023 vs at least 250000 by or because of the medical/pharma system).
. Even the great crusade of the last 40 years to get the “drunk” driver has failed spectacularly. Most of the people whose lives have been destroyed by the legal industry over DUI/DWI were doing nothing wrong. They were quite capable of driving and over an arbitrary limit number, or they were just screwed by a traffic cop.
And to this day, the very rare, newsworthy drunk driving wreck is inevitably some poor schmoe who was sauced to the gulls, with a blood alcohol level in the .2 range and higher, while the communist crusaders continue to agitate for lower legal limits so they can fuck over more of their rightful masters.
The latest variant of the crusade is against “distracted” driving. Wherein people crawling along at grossly underposted speed limits fill their otherwise wasted time with phone calls, texts, and media. All while studiously ignoring the dings, wails, and flashing lights and the nontactile touch screens of the “modern” car.
Driver facing cameras, pretty nuts, gotta check my cars.
“There are ongoing discussions about whether the doors should automatically be locked for occupant Saaaffffety until first responders arrive.”
If the ignition is disabled, the doors locked, and presumably, the windows closed (and disabled), that’s going to be bit of a problem for someone in this situation around here in high summer when it’s often 110 degrees+ in the afternoon.
Meant as reply to Burn it Down above
From what I can tell I’m so poor that I actually have to drive my own car and check it’s blind spots. 🙂 No doubt I’m living a deprived life but on the upside it makes me pay attention when I drive and as an added bonus I can still do most of my cars’ maintenance and repairs.
On my friends’ newer car I pulled the codes and his response is “so what”, his wife is “I need those airbags” and my response was just wear your seat belt and pay attention. Sure you can fix it but you’ll probably driving it long enough that the repair parts won’t be available any how.
That’s going to be more of a problem in the future when you can’t afford to repair a safety related system or the parts are no longer available and the computer will not let you drive it until it’s repaired.
Over at Alibaba.com do a quick search for an ESP32 camera module. You can pick one up for $0.70 ea, but that price drops to 50￠if you buy 500 at a time. Adding a structured light infrared laser is incredibly cheap too, it is basically just a clever LED with a lens on front. The hardware costs nothing. The software is likely some open source stuff, perhaps written by Chinese operatives for the Social Credit System, that’s adapted for the nanny cam. It’s cheap stuff.
But it adds another selling point to the vehicle, seems techy, and generates “peace of mind” for the buyer. Especially if someone else is driving. Old drivers, new drivers, drivers of rentals and fleet vehicles… All those vehicles have someone who would love this technology installed. Not for the people who actually own the vehicle of course, they’re great and very responsible drivers. But all you other people, you need this!
These nannies… It’s why I brought a down-spec car once just to avoid driver assists.
Eric… Question. One of the things that drives me crazy is the adaptive cruise in many (all?) newer cars. I can’t figure out how to turn it off in any of the various rentals I’ve been in. I just want it to be non-adaptive, to be able to turn the thing off. Is it possible to disable them anymore? Or even find a car that has cruise but does not have that “feature”?
Hi Jimmer,
It depends. I have found that in some of the new cars that have adaptive cruise control, it cannot be turned off – without also turning off the cruise control. They box you in this way; want to use the feature? Then you’ll have to accept using it their way.
I’m knocking around the idea of investing $30K-ish in my 24-year-old Sierra. Crate engine with a larger cam, new rear end, rebuild AC, new wiring harness, new suspension, reupholster, etc. Still cheaper than a new truck.
And it won’t nag me. Actually, it doesn’t need to. By simple tactile memory I know where all the switches, knobs, and buttons are and what they do. Unlike the device/appliances nowadays with menu upon menu layers that Eric mentioned.
I would Mike. I am going to fix my old 2007 WRX. No nannies, standard transmission and put a new clutch in at 219k. May need to get a new radiator but that is doable. Like the one said, this old car, too, looks and sounds better every time I read another article about the safety crap in these new vehicles.
I imagine there’s more folks thinking the same given the insane costs of new devices plus all the “extras” nobody wants.
If i had 30k, i know i would do just that.
Hi Mike,
As Arnold used to say, Do it! Do it now!
Seriously, it’s money well-spent. I plan to do the same – piece by piece – with my old truck, too. A new Sierra would cost you close to $50k for a base trim version, plus the cost of all those things you don’t want. Also, you’ll pay far less to “cover” your old/new truck, too!
I appreciate my old ’97 more every day.
As do I. Old ’97 sounds like a veteran steam locomotive, don’t it? Keeps on chugging.
“A Piece of Tape Works … For Now” — if you stuff a rubber ball into Kamala’s mouth first. 🙂
That would make impossible the only skill she actually posesses…
I am waiting for the day when someone comes up with realistic looking glasses with human eyes to wear, so as to fool the all-seeing eye sensor. For every Big Brother that comes along, you know some computer geek will find a way around it, because he sure as hell is not going to want to deal with that either!
I remember in elementary school, the glasses with the holographic eyes on the lenses became popular for a while. I wonder if those would work, and if anyone still makes them.
Haha
https://holographer.com/product/hologram-eye-sunglasses/
‘It’s entertaining – it’s enjoyable – to stymie the electronic nag.’ — eric
When users take perverse pleasure in sabotaging a system, then something is wrong with that system. Ben Schneiderman wrote a book titled Designing the User Interface: Strategies for Effective Human-Computer Interaction, now in its sixth edition after three decades in print. Rule #7:
7. Keep users in control.
‘Experienced users strongly desire the sense that they are in charge of the interface and that the interface responds to their actions. They don’t want surprises or changes in familiar behavior, and they are annoyed by tedious data-entry sequences, difficulty in obtaining necessary information, and inability to produce their desired result.’
A computer nanny nagging one to sit up straight is a dystopian vision straight out of Bentham’s panopticon. An auto maker that introduces a surveilled, harassing flavor to the driving experience is patently brain dead. These firms should be promptly liquidated.
‘you don’t control anything in a vehicle that is controlled by computers.’ — eric
As in this example from the Volvo XC40 Recharge review: ‘The XC40 Recharge only requires that you carry the usual keyless ignition fob with you. What’s unusual is there is no “start” – or “power on” – button. The power just comes on.’
This is what I call ‘trivial automation’ — taking away user inputs that are easily learned by muscle memory, and are not experienced as burdensome or time consuming. Turn the ignition key; you get a reward as the engine fires. If the engine or motor starts itself, you might as well be a passive passenger in a driverless vehicle. You just lost some control. The vehicle considers you an interchangeable, passive nobody.
As a non-automotive example, mid-20th century writers used to relish ripping a completed page from the carriage of a typewriter, and then rolling in and adjusting a new blank sheet. The easy physical tasks, the satisfying hand-eye coordination, and the sound of the pawls clacking on the carriage was a reward, similar to coins clanking noisily into the reward tray of a slot machine.
Automating these pleasing minor interactions with machines is extremely stupid on the part of auto makers. It goes against the psychological and ergonomic science that is well understood by gaming machine makers. When physical interactions and the sense of control are eliminated, the reward is gone and bored customers walk away.
Which they are doing as we speak, disgusted with gov-designed, chip-infested, nannying shitboxes. The auto industry is making a beeline for an existential calamity. And I’ve got a bottle of fine champagne on ice to toast their demise. 🙂