I wrote recently about the dangerous imbecility of what is marketed by Tesla and other vehicle manufacturers as “self-driving” cars that require the person sitting behind the wheel to be ready to intervene at all times. In other words, to drive the “self-driving” car when the tech fails to notice a deer (or a kid) that has wandered into its path. In other words, the car is not really “self-driving.” But the driver is egged on to not be ready to intervene at all times.
Because – hey – the car is “self-driving.”
Now behold the self-locking Tesla.
A woman getting ready for Halloween got a trick that wasn’t a treat after she put her toddler in her Tesla and it locked the toddler inside. “The door won’t open,” the woman’s husband exclaimed. “I don’t understand,” the woman replied. “I’m trying the app” – mark that – “the handle won’t work.”
“I was terrified . . .my child was screaming . . . ”
A Fox News reporter added more: “The manual key”- which is actually an electronic card similar to the ones now commonly used in hotels to unlock the door to the room – “didn’t do anything.” Neither did “restarting the Tesla app.” And “despite the vehicle itself being fully charged, none of the doors would open.”
Luckily, a window had been left slightly cracked open, so the toddler didn’t suffocate. Also, the Tesla was parked, so the toddler wasn’t in danger of drowning because she couldn’t get out because the windows wouldn’t roll down, as happened to the sister-in-law of the Dirty Turtle – Senator Mitch McConnell – a few months back when she inadvertently backed up her device into a pond, causing the electronics to fritz.
Including the electronically controlled windows and locks.
This time, the fritz was caused by a battery problem. Not the usual battery problem. A problem with the other battery. The 12 volt starter battery that Teslas and other devices have, in addition to the massive battery pack that stores the electricity that powers the device’s motors.
In a Tesla device, the 12V starter battery supplies power to accessories such as the door locks. Which – in a Tesla – are of course controlled entirely electrically. In the Before Time – when even cars that had power locks also had manual up/down lock releases – you could use a coat hanger to open a locked door, even if the battery was dead. And so long as you had a physical key, it didn’t matter whether the battery was dead. The door could be locked/unlocked just the same.
But that was back when cars still had exterior locks to put a key into – as opposed to having an “app” on your device or swiping a card near your device (or having a fob in your pocket or purse recognized by your device).
Eventually, the cops arrived and got the door open. “We all cheered,” the woman said. But what if time had been of the essence? What if it had been a 100 degree day – and the window hadn’t been already cracked open? Teslas have laminated side glass, so they are much harder to smash. That fact appears to have contributed to the drowning of the Dirty Turtle’s sister-in-law. Would-be rescuers were reportedly unable to break the glass to get her our before the car slipped below the surface.
Astoundingly, the woman who found herself locked out of her device – with her toddler inside the device – told Fox that “one of the things she really likes about Tesla is that she usually gets warnings and updates about any and all issues.”
Italics added.
Does unlocking a car need to be this complicated?
Perhaps it is nice to receive “warnings and updates about any and all issues” from a device, via a device. But when cars weren’t devices, “issues” like this didn’t crop up. If you found you’d locked yourself out of your vehicle, it was just a minor annoyance. You’d call home to have your wife (or husband) or whomever drive to where you were with a spare key. Or you’d open it up with a coat hanger. If that failed, any locksmith could get you in. 
If a kid happened to be in the car, all the kid had to do was pull up the knob – something any kid older than a toddler can do to get out of a car, if necessity requires. And if a kid younger than that happened to be locked inside and no key or coat hanger was at hand and it was very hot out, you could always smash the glass. Because in the Before Time, only the windshield was laminated.
And about those “warnings and updates” . . .
Fox says the woman didn’t get one about the tired state of her device’s 12 V battery until after it had already died. So when it just died, her toddler almost died. Or might have.
“It seems to be a problem,” the woman told Fox.
Of course, the real problem is these devices – which make things that were simple and reliable into complicated and dangerous.
That’s the “update” for today.
. . .
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Solenoids are cheaper than gears and levers. Locks and windows lifts are a “piece of cake” now, and much cheaper. As long as they work. There have been many comments about losing the “wing vents”, but those things were expensive to build. Some were even gear and handle driven, not just unlatch and push. They were a big cost when the price of the car was sub-$2,000. Universal AC and reduced smoking has made most of their utility of no real value to consumers. So, at least in theory, part of the AC was paid for by getting rid of the vents.
In the long run, though, mechanical door latches should be available and right at hand.
If time is of the essence you break the window, and that’s what I guarantee you the fire department will do if there’s a baby in there suffocating.
Yes buying a new window sucks, but if it’s urgent it’s worth it.
No it’s not the best system. It’s a gimmick, not robust.
“Luckily, a window had been left slightly cracked open, so the toddler didn’t suffocate.”.
Say what???
A vehicle with fully closed windows and doors isn’t air tight and there is zero risk of a person or animal suffocating from lack of oxygen.
“Fox says the woman didn’t get one about the tired state of her device’s 12 V battery until after it had already died. So when it just died, her toddler almost died. Or might have.”
I’m having a really hard time telling who is being hyperbolic here.
It’s time for the madness to stop. There is a reason trust in the media is at an all time low.
No one almost died.
The story should be clueless woman praises Tesla after locking her child in their car. Everything about cars that used to be simple now is not.
BMW service dept told us last year we had to download the app to reset the clock lafter we switched to daylight savings. They said not even their techs can change it. I decided not to load the app since it asked for a lot of personal info and the next time it went in for servicing the tech updated the clock without even being asked. Is anything not pure BS these days?
‘I decided not to load the app since it asked for a lot of personal info.’ — RS
Precisely. The app is spyware. It includes geotracking, which in turn can be reported to insurance companies. JUST SAY NO.
Good call for the title RS, a normal person would never want to deal with Tesla again after such an experience. All these devices posing as vehicles are in gross violation of the KISS rule – Keep it Simple, Stupid.
My first question was: Why didn’t the parents break the window?
Then I saw the location. Seminole Heights. Tampa. Tesla owner.
No further explanation necessary.
The parents probably don’t even have a tool which would break the glass.
Not that they would have done it. Getting the window replaced would have required sitting on a waiting list for months unless they have Elon’s in-house insurance coverage.
Why does the Tesla (and every other EV) require a 12V accessory battery?
Because it’s cheaper than adding a DC/DC power converter. That’s why.
It would be a trivial matter to tap off the main battery with a 12VDC 20A power supply for accessories. The amount of electricity consumed by the 12V accessories would be trivial in the big picture. So why don’t they do it? Well, because an accessory battery is the cheaper solution. That lets Tesla use existing motors, electronics and wiring loom design that are common in the automotive industry. Why re-invent the wheel, right? Thing is, those accessories were designed for systems that have energy to spare. No one gets worried about the drag induced by an alternator. So they’re not optimized for efficiency. Tesla’s engineers could be designing high efficiency motors and low power electronics (and sell them to other manufacturers, Bosch style), but why would they? That’s not something the marketing department can use.
Wow.
People get aggravated with smartphones autocorrect. People get aggravated with the automated call trees that banks and other services use. Why don’t they get aggravated with “features” new cars offer?
Because we’re in a virtual Skinner box being conditioned, and they’ve hit on that for getting us used to it?
Tesla desperately need to resort to a plethora of silly, meaningless and occasionally even downright dangerous gimmicks, simply to deflect from the fact that the basic concept of a battery-electric vehicle is DOA, having been made obsolete by cars with internal combustion engines a century ago. Those of us who are not hypnotised by Tesla’s gimmicks understand that Tesla is at heart a technology laggard, and the exceptionally long charging times of their EVs is proof of that.
When my house was broken into a number of years a go, the thieves stole the spare fob for my BMW. So, I had to get the locking mechanism reprogrammed, and 2 new fobs issued, which took a week (fobs shipped from New Jersey to California) and cost, IIRD, $1700/fob.
Bring More Wallet, indeed.
Contrast with calling a local locksmith to have your car door lock and ignition switch rekeyed.
‘Does unlocking a car need to be this complicated?’ — eric
In a word: NO.
Some functions are best performed mechanically. Rock solid reliability. No glitches. No low/dead battery contingencies. No need for cell signal reception.
Cadillac’s buttonless glove box which has to be opened from the Clownscreen represents a high water mark in the insanity of turning simple functions into exasperating exercises.
A PROPERLY DESIGNED VEHICLE DOES NOT REQUIRE ‘UPDATES.’
To put a finer point on it: I do not want to receive spam messages from my vehicle every day, nagging me to do this or look into that.
I just want it to shut up, look pretty, and chauffeur me around in high style without all the needy-girlfriend ‘pay attention to me’ notifications.
I do not have a vehicle app on my phone, nor do I ever intend to have one. #REJECT #BULLSHIT #UNACCEPTABLE