View Full Version : Stupid car names

Valentine One Radar Detector

10-20-2009, 10:29 AM
Naming cars, like naming kids, sometimes comes out all wrong - even with the very best intentions. Striving to be creative - or just different - some parents cripple their progeny with appellations guaranteed to result in a lifetime of mockery. It's the same with cars - though it's much harder to change the name on the fender than it is to call yourself "Mike" instead of "Dignitarius"!

Here are 15 contenders for the title, "Worst Car Name Ever" -

* Ford Probe -

In a single stroke, Ford managed to alienate half the potential buyers (females) of this otherwise not-bad 1990s-era sporty two-plus-two coupe. The unfortunate connotations bothered many women in the same way that hearing that banjo theme from "Deliverance" tends to put most men on edge. Not one of Ford's better ideas.

* Diahatsu Charade -

It's not really a car; it's just pretending! This was one of those Reagan Era econo-boxes that was not merely humiliating to drive, it embarrassed its owner everytime its name was uttered in pubic.

See also: Ford Aspire.

* Pontiac Aztek -

The name's not even spelled correctly, for openers. And it didn't help matters that the vehicle itself resembled a New Age dumpster. The ancient Aztec civilization stood no chance against the ugliness (and illiteracy) of this General Motors body-cladded atrocity.

* Mazda Protege -

Sort of like Robin looks up to the big guy in tights and a speedo.

* Toyota Yaris -

This name sounds like the noise you'd hear issuing from the gullet of an exotic animal under duress. Or maybe it is a small animal? (My Yaris had an accident on the carpet this morning... .)

* Mitsubishi Mirage -

A "mirage" is something that's not really there; a figment of your imagination that tends to appear when you're in desperate straits. Not the hot ticket for a car name.

* Geo Prizm -

It doesn't separate light waves, just you from your cash. This thinly disguised, rebadged Toyota Corolla sold by Chevrolet was loathsomeness personified.

* Nissan Altima -

A perfectly good car stuck with a stupid name. "Altima" is one of those made-up neologisms that tries to evoke positive associations - in this case, height/achievement, apparently.

See also: Subaru Justy, Toyota Camry, Olds Alero, Chevy Lumina.

* Pontiac Banshee -

This name never reached production, because luckily for Pontiac, someone consulted a dictionary. In Scottish lore, a banshee's shriek heralds imminent death, among things.

* Dodge Swinger -

You'll also find ads for these on the back pages of porno magazines. Ok, it was the '70s. But still. STDs, anyone?

* AMC Gremlin -

Do you really want to own a car named after annoying small problems that are next-to-impossible to fix? Courtesy of the same folks who brought you the Pacer.

* Mercury Mystique -

Way too close to "mistake" for comfort. (A Mercury executive made just that slip-up at one of the press introductions for this car.) The third or fourth attempt by Ford to build a "world car" that not even the U.S. was much interested in.

* Volkswagen Touareg -

Impossible to pronounce or spell correctly without lessons, this name takes the cake for being the most gratuitously recondite car name of the past 30 years.

10-20-2009, 05:40 PM
Yugo. Caprice. Golf.

10-21-2009, 02:42 PM
Yugo. Caprice. Golf.

Tribeca - right back at ya!

10-21-2009, 07:53 PM

10-21-2009, 07:54 PM
* Volkswagen Touareg -

Too much like "twat rag" for comfort.

10-22-2009, 07:20 AM
Too much like "twat rag" for comfort.

Owwwww! :D

10-26-2009, 12:51 AM
What????? Nobody remembers the Chevy Nova? In Latin, Nova means new, such as in a new star when it goes nova. In Puerto Rico though, No Va means "No Go" or, "It doesn't run".

Then again, the Virago seemed to slide right by and it translates as....um...."Grouchy Woman".

Then again, the soft drink Fresca is also slang, at least as far as I've heard, in East L.A. for Lesbian.

10-26-2009, 12:18 PM
What????? Nobody remembers the Chevy Nova? In Latin, Nova means new, such as in a new star when it goes nova. In Puerto Rico though, No Va means "No Go" or, "It doesn't run".

urban legend

Spanish speakers would not make that association.