By Beck Akers

We may despise bureaucrats as lifeless grey men, but America’s current crop proves us wrong. They are a lustful, bawdy bunch. Indeed, their appetite for voyeurism alone puts the average pervert to shame.

As I write, those at the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) are busily installing their smutty "whole-body imagers" coast-to-coast – "450 body scanning devices at 11 airport [sic] … by the end of this year." And more are on the way. Eventually, every concourse in America will join the national peepshow.

For now, the agency pretends the strip-search is voluntary by labeling it an "option": "Passengers who do not wish to receive imagining technology screening will receive alternative screening, including a physical pat-down." Only the State calls threatening to grope victims who won’t pose naked a "choice." Dissidents report that said gropings are "thorough" and punitive.

But the TSA will soon shuck this sham. Since the Feds spawned it in 2001, it has fostered an ambition that surmounts even Larry Flynt’s wildest: forcibly photographing every passenger on every flight in the raw. As long ago as 2006, the agency confessed that body scanners are "likely future replacements for the metal detectors now in use." And in 2008, "James Schear, the TSA security director at Baltimore-Washington International Airport," called ogling us "’the wave of the future’… Schear said the scanners could eventually replace metal detectors at the nation's 2,000 airport checkpoints …" Last month, the US Senate agreed: Bob Bennett (R-UT) and Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn) shamelessly introduced legislation requiring "the security administration to replace magnetometer metal detectors with body scanners at all airport checkpoints by 2013."

Meanwhile, the TSA continues working diligently to ensure that flying delivers all the pain and twice the humiliation of a public caning. Yet 2 million die-hards line up at checkpoints each day and endure screeners’ shouting orders at them, all so they can board the cattle cars disguised as planes. Ergo, we might suppose that when the agency finishes converting airports into porn palaces, it will enjoy enough involuntary strippers to glut even its most demanding degenerates.

Alas, no.

Catch this bombshell at Government Security News’ website: "…the Department of Homeland Security (DHS)" – among whose bureaucracies the TSA lurks – "is now interested in acquiring portable versions of [whole-body scanners], which could be transported anywhere to quickly establish ‘high throughput security checkpoints.’"

The naïve might consider this evidence of the agency’s concern for its "customers": no doubt, when the TSA’s yahoo in his "remotely located" booth holds up the "security" line whilst he salivates over the lissome lass in the scanner, his cohorts will roll a Port-o-Porn to the checkpoint and wave everyone obese or male through it.

Nope. Recall that the TSA’s "mission" extends to "the Nation’s transportation systems" – whose travelling throngs dwarf the paltry planeloads overhead.

Remember, too, that like the aforementioned Mr. Flynt, the TSA is insatiable. But it’s far cagier: while Larry publishes his evil so graphically that even a child understands, the TSA hides behind jargon that’s nigh impenetrable. And you can see why. Though poor Larry goes to jail for his obvious obscenity, the TSA earns at most a collective sigh: the corporate media has yet to report this shocker published almost three weeks ago.

And no wonder. Who would suspect that "high throughput security checkpoints" refers to busses, ferries, trains above or below ground, highways, even sidewalks? Yet all these locations are precisely where the TSA pants to be, the better to de-pants the entire country.

The TSA already invades "the Nation’s transportation systems" with its "VIPR [Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response] Teams." In New York City, they "assist" the NYPD "in random bag searches in the subway." No love’s lost between "real" cops and the TSA’s Barney Fifes, but I predict brotherly cooperation once Barney lugs the Port-O-Porn down the D-train’s steps to catch all the secretaries and receptionists – sorry, terrorists commuting to work.

How long before bureaucrats at other agencies envy the Warriors on Terror their fun? Will it be one nanosecond or two before their union demands the same "benefits" for them? Expect the Port-O-Porns to pop up in DMV’s, Social Security’s offices, public schools and universities, the hospitals and banks that our rulers are nationalizing, courthouses and police precincts.

They’ll spread from there to the private sector, just as the absurd demand for ID has: entrepreneurs who should know better eagerly mimic the government in all its asininities. Perhaps we’ll eventually stop dressing at all – until Congress realizes that nudists pay no sales tax on clothing.

Let’s hope politicians’ greed saves us from bureaucrats’ lust.