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Over here it would go something like this;
'I was proceeding along my prescribed route, one hand on the steering wheel and texting my girlfriend, when I was advised of a disturbance in my immediate vicinity. I switched on the blues and twos and driving all over the road, at a ridiculously dangerous speed, arrived at the advised point where I found Mr X lying in the road holding his head and moaning. Just to be on the safe side, and in the interests of Elf & Saaafety, I tasered him before approaching him, he complained he had been assaulted. When I asked him to describe his assailants he replied 'A wolf, a rabbit, Mickey Mouse and a parcel, Oh, and you.' as he was obviously deranged, and in the interests of my personal safety, I tasered him again (twice), hit him over the head with my side handle baton and called for an armed backup which arrived some time later and, in the interests of Elf & Saaafety, tasered him (three times) just to be on the safe side. The complainant was taken to the station where he repeatedly reported being attacked by the previously mentioned Wolf, rabbit, Mickey Mouse and a parcel, he also trod on my toe. A Police Psychiatrist was called and Mr X was sectioned as being of unsound mind. When I finally got back to my patrol car my doughnuts had gone hard and my coffee was cold.Suffering severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from this sequence of events I saw the Police Doctor, was signed off for nine months (on full pay) and am suing the Service for squillions of pounds for failing to ensure my safety at my place of work. '
Ken.
