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Thread: Michael Moore has Iraq figured out

  1. #1
    TC
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    Michael Moore has Iraq figured out

    Dear Mr. President,

    Thanks for your address to the nation. It's good to know you still want to talk to us after how we behaved in November.

    Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain't gonna do the job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it was last year. And we were losing the war last year! We've already had over a million troops serve some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few thousand is simply not enough to find those weapons of mass destruction! Er, I mean... bringing those responsible for 9/11 to justice! Um, scratch that. Try this -- BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE EAST! YES!!!

    You've got to show some courage, dude! You've got to win this one! C'mon, you got Saddam! You hung 'im high! I loved watching the video of that -- just like the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The hangmen were as crazy as the hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!

    Look, I have to admit I feel very sorry for the predicament you're in. As Ricky Bobby said, "If you're not first, you're last." And you being humiliated in front of the whole world does NONE of us Americans any good.

    Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with millions of us! I know that you're out of combat-ready soldiers -- so you have to look elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a nation of 27 million -- Iraq -- is to send in at least 28 million! Here's how it would work:

    The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That will quickly take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us will stay and rebuild the country. Simple.

    Now, I know you're saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to go to Iraq? Here are some suggestions:

    1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election (the one that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we were losing). I am confident that at least a third of them would want to put their body where their vote was and sign up to volunteer. I know many of these people and, while we may disagree politically, I know that they don't believe someone else should have to go and fight their fight for them -- while they hide here in America.

    2. Start a "Kill an Iraqi" Meet-Up group in cities across the country. I know this idea is so early-21st century, but I once went to a Lou Dobbs Meet-Up and, I swear, some of the best ideas happen after the third mojito. I'm sure you'll get another five million or so enlistees from this effort.

    3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were your collaborators in bringing us this war -- and many of them are already trained from having been "embedded!" If that doesn't bring the total to 28 million, then draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.

    Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch! Don't be a weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your people behind you and YOU lead them in like a true commander in chief! Leave no conservative behind! Full speed ahead!

    We promise to write. Go get 'em W!

    Yours,

    Michael Moore

  2. #2
    Vulture of The Western World Eric's Avatar
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    Re: Michael Moore has Iraq figured out

    Two years ago, critcism of The Chimp and this war was pretty much confined to the political left. Today, even GOP stalwarts such as Chuck Hagel and John Warner have publicly admitted the war is a debacle - with all that implies about The Chimp's judgment and "leadership."

    I hope a bipartisan Congress can exercise some damage control by cutting off the funding, so that The Chimp has no choice but to draw down troop levels and begin the process of getting us out of Iraq. We've thrown away too much already in wasted lives and precious resources that could have been better spent elsewhere.

    The wild card is Iran; if The Chimp succeeds in pushing us into a war with this country, all the fatuous rah-rahing will return with a vengeance - and The Chimp will once again be the unchallengeable "war president" - at least until the moment that everything falls apart (again). And this time, it will be far worse than the blowback of his failed adventure in Iraq... .

  3. #3
    TC
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    Re: Michael Moore has Iraq figured out

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric
    Two years ago, critcism of The Chimp and this war was pretty much confined to the political left. Today, even GOP stalwarts such as Chuck Hagel and John Warner have publicly admitted the war is a debacle - with all that implies about The Chimp's judgment and "leadership."

    I hope a bipartisan Congress can exercise some damage control by cutting off the funding, so that The Chimp has no choice but to draw down troop levels and begin the process of getting us out of Iraq. We've thrown away too much already in wasted lives and precious resources that could have been better spent elsewhere.

    The wild card is Iran; if The Chimp succeeds in pushing us into a war with this country, all the fatuous rah-rahing will return with a vengeance - and The Chimp will once again be the unchallengeable "war president" - at least until the moment that everything falls apart (again). And this time, it will be far worse than the blowback of his failed adventure in Iraq... .
    I think Michael Moore's idea is to be applauded.
    After all, we might have more guns and ammunition in private households than all the military branches put together and lots of those guys are just itching for some target practice.
    I love the bit about the watchers of Fox News channel.

  4. #4
    Vulture of The Western World Eric's Avatar
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    Re: Michael Moore has Iraq figured out

    "I think Michael Moore's idea is to be applauded.
    After all, we might have more guns and ammunition in private households than all the military branches put together and lots of those guys are just itching for some target practice.
    I love the bit about the watchers of Fox News channel."

    Amen!

    I'd love to see Dick Cheney, the Bush daughters, Wolfowitz, Perle, O'Reilly and the rest of the chickenhawks "stop-lossed" and conscripted to fight in Iraq...

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    Re: Michael Moore has Iraq figured out

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric
    "I think Michael Moore's idea is to be applauded.
    After all, we might have more guns and ammunition in private households than all the military branches put together and lots of those guys are just itching for some target practice.
    I love the bit about the watchers of Fox News channel."

    Amen!

    I'd love to see Dick Cheney, the Bush daughters, Wolfowitz, Perle, O'Reilly and the rest of the chickenhawks "stop-lossed" and conscripted to fight in Iraq...
    Michael Moore was the devil incarnate around most US furums until recently.

    If the messiah for free people exists, he/she is the person who would put Wofowitz in an Iraqi village with nothing but his wits and basic honesty to protect him. And because that is impractical, find someone with the charisma and nous to stand strong for self-determination. Which has many hooks... And within the US to have the ability to articulate in soundbytes some fairly basic principles;

    We stand for freedom.
    We stand for family.
    We respect religion, but will make our rules stand outside religion.
    We will protect ourselves.

    Robbie [NZ]

    British... which for all its flaws is/was pretty damn good.

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