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Thread: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

  1. #1
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    Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    A New Zeland man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

    After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

    The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

    The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

    The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

    The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate; the sheep himself.

    So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

    Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.

    Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

    He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

    Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

    "Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

    The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

    He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

    "No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."




  2. #2
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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Rose
    A New Zeland man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

    After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

    The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

    The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

    The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

    The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate; the sheep himself.

    So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

    Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.

    Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

    He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

    Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

    "Try again" he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

    The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

    He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

    "No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."


    [/quote

    So that's the excuse given for Kiwi behavior!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kwozzie1's Avatar
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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Jokes about Kiwi farmers have been around a long time.
    Ausssies seem to be the main source for them
    Rex
    On the Sunshine Coast, in the Sunshine State Queensland (QLD), Australia

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    >>Jokes about Kiwi farmers have been around a long time.
    Ausssies seem to be teh main source for them <<

    You think that's a joke??????

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kwozzie1
    Jokes about Kiwi farmers have been around a long time.
    Ausssies seem to be the main source for them
    As in, 'A normal Kiwi is one who limits his sheep relationships to ewes?'

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Those sheep and I are just good friends.

    Now, just moving quickly along, I have observed many cars and drivers lately and find little to attract me in the latest models. In fact I find many of them singularly unattractive. This is annoying because I could easily cash up a little property and have a newish car, but I don't want a food blender with embossed corporate desgns in the seats.

    What to do?

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by robmcg
    Those sheep and I are just good friends.

    Now, just moving quickly along, I have observed many cars and drivers lately and find little to attract me in the latest models. In fact I find many of them singularly unattractive. This is annoying because I could easily cash up a little property and have a newish car, but I don't want a food blender with embossed corporate desgns in the seats.

    What to do?
    A 1970-ish Jaguar will relieve both your spare money and spare time problems; failing that, radio controlled airplanes are another time and money pit as are women and alcohol.

    Then again, you could get a decent computer and broadband service at far less cost.

    But ... the very best answer is to supercharge the V8 and when it blows up, take fresh look at what is available in cars. Sadly, cars today are mostly designed in wind tunnels and fluid mechanics are the same everywhere.


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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by jdm
    .. the very best answer is to supercharge the V8 and when it blows up, take fresh look at what is available in cars. Sadly, cars today are mostly designed in wind tunnels and fluid mechanics are the same everywhere.

    As ever I think laterally. I could blow the V8 up *without* adding the supercharger... and save money....

  9. #9
    Senior Member Kwozzie1's Avatar
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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by jdm
    Quote Originally Posted by Kwozzie1
    Jokes about Kiwi farmers have been around a long time.
    Ausssies seem to be the main source for them
    As in, 'A normal Kiwi is one who limits his sheep relationships to ewes?'
    Others just dream?
    Rex
    On the Sunshine Coast, in the Sunshine State Queensland (QLD), Australia

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by jdm

    A 1970-ish Jaguar will relieve both your spare money and spare time problems; failing that, radio controlled airplanes are another time and money pit as are women and alcohol.

    Then again, you could get a decent computer and broadband service at far less cost.

    Broadband? What invention of the debbil is this? It costs, of course, a King's ransom.
    $30/month last time I looked.

    And radio controlled aeroplanes are for children. Mature and sensible people model trains.

  11. #11
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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    >>And radio controlled aeroplanes are for children. Mature and sensible people model trains.<<

    I have to agree with you here, but when a hobby becomes sensible, it's no longer fun!

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kwozzie1

    Others just dream?
    Exactly, they would be your abnormal Kiwis.

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by robmcg

    Broadband? What invention of the debbil is this? It costs, of course, a King's ransom.
    $30/month last time I looked.
    Among other things, broadband will let you waste time faster.

    As suggested, it's possible to blow up that V8 without resorting to a supercharger but remember, the supercharger can always be changed into the next car. How did plan to blow the engine, I hope that it is something elegant and not simply filling up with diesel and floorboarding it.

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?



    >>Among other things, broadband will let you waste time faster.<<



    Ah. The pleasure in reading the calm voice of reason. I have today spent time in the company of females. I learned many things, being as I am a child wide-eyed with curiosity... and amongst these 'things' was the secret code by which one can send text messages via a mobile phone. This is very useful. Or at least would be if I knew anyone who both knew how to text AND with whom I wished to communicate.

    >>As suggested, it's possible to blow up that V8 without resorting to a supercharger but remember, the supercharger can always be changed into the next car.

    The supercharger I use would most likely be a screw-type positive-displacement blower integral with an inlet manifold, limiting its use to this particular model of engine. A centrifugal blowerup stream of the throttle body would be cheaper, but is so, well, inelegant.

    >>How did plan to blow the engine, I hope that it is something elegant and not simply filling up with diesel and floorboarding it.<<

    Such a thing would never occur to one such as me, British, sensible, quiet as I am. I think you would have to be American to think of floorboarding a throttle. Why use full throttle when 3/4 is always ample?
    I find that I could quite easily sell my current GM Aussie V8 and with the price of haircut buy a similar Aussie V8 with a GM Chev LS1 5.7 engine.
    This is a very fine engine but alas it is far too American. You can even buy a bolt-on supercharger and ECU chip for tuppence,
    but the main flaws with the LS1 [or LS2] V8 cars is that they are A:/ favoured by middle-aged men with strange egos
    B:/ have corporate badging C:/have 'designer' seats and appalling ugly dashboards with a zillion buttons.

    Pity, but a man must have some standards.

    So I fed the leather in the Aussie V8 some tanners oil and cleaned the dead insects off the windscreen

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Rose


    I have to agree with you here, but when a hobby becomes sensible, it's no longer fun!
    This is the problem with modern cars.

    They are far too sensible.

    Perhaps I will remove the engine from my V8 and put it in my workshop, remove the heads, valve train and cam, and drive around in my very sensible VTEC Honda. The problem with this is that it is unikely I would get any measurable improvement in performance after I re-install the rebuilt V8, the damn thing is so damn well-made already. Oh, I guess I could raise the compression a tad, do some art around the valve seats and install a slightly longer cam and slightly better exhaust etc., but then, I never use full throttle and 'sport' mode gearchange anyway. Currently the car will shred tyres in 1st and 2nd and rev to 6,000 just in 'D'.... and do it all fairly quietly. The only change after I had a go at the engine would be a 1/4 mile in the 14s rather than the 15s.. and it would be a bit noisier on big throttle, which is SO uncool.

    I saw a 330i BMW yesterday and thought it very pretty....

    then I realised it nothing much better than my 1995 Accord SIR VTEC 2.2.

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    >>The problem with this is that it is unikely I would get any measurable improvement in performance after I re-install the rebuilt V8, the damn thing is so damn well-made already.<<

    The pain involved in doing improvements to it is not worth the strain to do them unless you are racing for big money!

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Rose


    The pain involved in doing improvements to it is not worth the strain to do them unless you are racing for big money!
    Not only that, but to drive a car which is reliable and sensible, well, it's UNBRITISH.

  18. #18
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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by robmcg

    I saw a 330i BMW yesterday and thought it very pretty....

    then I realised it nothing much better than my 1995 Accord SIR VTEC 2.2.
    And that it is German

    C'mon take it for a test drive!
    Rex
    On the Sunshine Coast, in the Sunshine State Queensland (QLD), Australia

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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    Quote Originally Posted by robmcg

    Not only that, but to drive a car which is reliable and sensible, well, it's UNBRITISH.
    But is it UNENGLISH?


  20. #20
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    Re: Wot Say Ye, Robbie?

    >>Not only that, but to drive a car which is reliable and sensible, well, it's UNBRITISH.<<

    How true---

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