"Strict, Unbending Rules For Dealing With Stray Cats"

1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry
cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat
food moistened with a little milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat
food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and
leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this
house their permanent residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked
up and cuddled unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up
and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.

8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be
allowed inside the house at any time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house
except at certain times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house
except on days ending in "y".

11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to
jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or
sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but
must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope
cat-scratching post with three perches.

14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors
in the sand.

15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the
three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with
Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the
hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen
and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined
with an old blanket.

21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-
Bed with non-allergenic lamb's wool pillow.

22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed,
except at the foot.

24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed
under the covers.

25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed
under the covers except at the foot.

26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the
computer.

28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer
keyboard on the desk when the human is sdfjjhhkl;
ljfd.;oier'puyykmm4hbdm9l o9jmdskdm,. USING IT.