Top 10 Most Embarrassing "classic" cars

[Eric]

You don't need to join a religious order to avoid the opposite sex - just acquire one of these road toads and you'll be soltero longer than Liberace.

* Plymouth K-Car:

Lee Iaccoca's sheetmetal chastity belt - the car that defined low expectations for an entire generation. Not even Wayne Newton has a chance in one of these. Attempts to plump up the charisma of these cars by adding "Hemi" badges to the fender worked about as well as Sponge Bob Squarepants' inflatable muscles.

* Chevy Chevette:

The "'Vette" you talk about but never want to show anyone - until you've got at least three Long Island iced teas in them. The car most likely to be owned by a balding guy named Bill working the assistant manager shift at a shopping mall fast food outlet.

* Mustang II King Cobra:

This car has held up as well as Farrah - a liver-spotted disco refugee whose charms have long since faded. It holds the ignoble distinction of being the least powerful V-8 Mustang ever made - just 129-hp from a 5-liter V-8 engine. 2 liter four cylinders make as much power today... .

* Renault Le Car:

This automotive speedo repels women as effectively as a Ron Jeremy book signing. Drive one and you'll be on your own forever. Renault went to extravagant lengths to further humiliate drivers of this road toad by emblazoning the car with enormous "Le Car" graphics on the side - the automotive equivalent of an "I'm 40 and still live at Mom's" T-shirt at a single's bar.

* Dodge Omni Horizon:

The machine for a man who knows his limitations - and isn't afraid to show them. Your date will be far over the horizon when she sees you rolling up in one of these. Seek out the Plymouth "Champ" version for the ultimate in vehicular vasectomies.

* AMC Pacer:

It's round - just like the bathtub you'll want to slit your wrists in after spending a Fridaynight cruising the McDonald's parking lot in one of these. Not even "Wayne's World" could make a Pacer cool. An entire country laughs at you.

*Chrysler Tc by Maserati:

A six-cylinder K-car based LeBaron "custom" with an opera window and front-wheel-drive. 'Nuff said.

* Ford Pinto:

If your love life doesn't go up in flames, perhaps you will. The absence of a $5 piece of steel reinforcement dropped to cut costs resulted in an explosive situation for drivers unlucky enough to be rear-ended. "Hit me and we die together" makes a great Valentine.

* Porsche 914:

The VW of Porsches - literally. Powered by the same basic engine used in humble Beetles and Hippie vans - for almost twice the price. These cars didn't fool anyone - least of all a prospective date.

* Suzuki Samurai:

Some lizards roll over their mates to knock them senseless. The Samurai does the same - but for the both of you. You won't survive long enough to get to second base if you pick her up in one of these.

[grouch]

Now, now, the "K" car did save the company. It was a decent running car with decent fuel mileage for the times. Yes, it was rather rough on the eyes. However, it was the platform for some impressive cars later on. The LeBaron used the same basic floor pan and so did the mini-van when it came out. The mini-van was like a license to print money for Mopar. To be honest, the original "K" cars were on the oogly side. (As in'Ooh, that's hard on the eyes'.) Later versions like the 1988-93 LeBaron coupe were actually nice looking for the times. The convertible sold quite well and weren't bad cars, as long as the top and rear windows worked right. Now, I know that appeal is in the eye of the buyer. A woman I work with drives a Pontiac Aztec. I mentioned it wasn't very stylish and she replied that she liked it and it's actually quite nice inside and that's where she sits.

[D_E_Davis]

Your inclusion of the Ford Pinto is a mistake - that line should be the Chevrolet Vega. Not only was the Pinto far more reliable than the Vega it also outsold the Vega by a good margin. And, with only 27 cases of Pinto fires the furor over read-end collisions was more hysteria than real.

[misterdecibel]

I nominate the Bricklin and Delorean.

[grouch]

Your inclusion of the Ford Pinto is a mistake - that line should be the Chevrolet Vega. Not only was the Pinto far more reliable than the Vega it also outsold the Vega by a good margin. And, with only 27 cases of Pinto fires the furor over read-end collisions was more hysteria than real.

My sister bought one of the first Vegas off the line. She is more of a fanatic on maintenance than I am. She got 7 years out of the original battery in a '75 MGB by using only distilled water in it. Her Vega got regular oil changes and was kept washed free of salt. A few months after she bought it, I shut the door a bit too hard and rust fell through the headliner. She got rid of it in 1975 for the aforementioned MGB. At that time it had about 30K miles on it and got 100 miles to a quart of oil.

That was one way that GM shot itself in the foot. Chrysler used an aluminum block in 1961 with the 225 slant six. However, Mopar used steel sleeves in the cylinder. GM used steel piston rings in an aluminum bore until 1975. They called the engine the "durabilt" engine that year. Later on, it was called the "Iron Duke" engine. Just a matter of following the lead of another company and doing the job right the first time. The Vega was like the Corvair. They cut costs at first and when they finally got the bugs out and made a decent car, they dropped it. Of course, the Vega lived on under other names. The Monza was a Vega with V-6 and V-8 options. The later Cavalier and now the Cobalt carry on the same way with GM cutting corners to save money and building poor equipment.


My sister has bought several Saturns through the years. The newest one, an Ion, will be her last. The Ion is basically a Caobal with slightly different body and trim. She's had the car 4 years and is on her 4th radio. Now that the warranty has expired, that one is going bad. Poor build quality and it doesn't even get very good fuel mileage. My '93 Lincoln Town Car with well over 100K on it got better fuel mileage (24 as opposed to 21 for the Ion), was more comfortable, more roomy and looked a lot better. Now she knows why I don't buy new cars anymore.

[Kwozzie1]

The Suzuki Samurai was marketed in NZ as the SJ413
Another vehicle I have owned albeit briefly
AND
Yes they do roll over but are easy to put back on their feet again. I wasn't driving it at the time.

[Disco Man]

One correction, the least powerful V8 Mustang was the '80 - '82 4.2 liter V8 with a whopping 120 horsepower.

I posted this article on the main site:




http://www.ericpetersautos.com/home/...3&Itemid=10854

[misterdecibel]

The 914 didn't have a Beetle engine. It had a 411/412 engine. That engine may have been shared with the Series 2 Microbus, I'm not sure but I think so.

It was at least as much of a true Porsche as any 356. And its front suspension was lifted straight out of the 911.

[ReasonOne]

The worst part of this is that I've owned half of the cars on this list at one time or another.........

:

[Disco Man]

The worst part of this is that I've owned half of the cars on this list at one time or another.........

:

The above cars are pretty reliable cars and most sold in large numbers. So you are not alone in owning some of these cars over the years. In fact I still see many of these cars on a regular basis. K-cars are still pretty common on the road.

[Jack]

Renault Le Car:

This automotive speedo repels women as effectively as a Ron Jeremy book signing. Drive one and you'll be on your own forever. Renault went to extravagant lengths to further humiliate drivers of this road toad by emblazoning the car with enormous "Le Car" graphics on the side - the automotive equivalent of an "I'm 40 and still live at Mom's" T-shirt at a single's bar.

I knew a fellow that had one; women thought it was "cute" and he did quite well during his college years while driving the silly thing. I figured he had to have a set to be seen in it.

[Jack]

One would assume this isn't the car you mean.

[Eric]

"One would assume this isn't the car you mean."

Dirty pool, old man! ;D

A competition-prepped Vega looks ok, too...

[DennisWG]

I would say that of the many cars I have owned, by far the worst was the '73 Ford Pinto I had the misfortune of having.
It got10 mpg on the highway, and I didn't want to know what it got in town. In the two years I owned this ugly little beast
I replaced just about everything - sort of an automobile version of Paul Bunyan's axe. When I bought a used Toyota, I tried
to sell the Pinto, but no matter how much I dropped the price no one would touch it. I gave up trying to sell it when one
half-interested guy had the door handle fall off in his hand and then asked me ifI wanted it back. I got 104.00 on a trade in
---- 100.00 for the car because the dealer wanted the tires plus 4.00 for the sales tax. Maybe I should have waited; the
sales tax is now 5.5%.

[misterdecibel]

There's only one car on that list that will ever be a "classic".

[Eric]

I would say that of the many cars I have owned, by far the worst was the '73 Ford Pinto I had the misfortune of having.
It got10 mpg on the highway, and I didn't want to know what it got in town. In the two years I owned this ugly little beast
I replaced just about everything - sort of an automobile version of Paul Bunyan's axe. When I bought a used Toyota, I tried
to sell the Pinto, but no matter how much I dropped the price no one would touch it. I gave up trying to sell it when one
half-interested guy had the door handle fall off in his hand and then asked me ifI wanted it back. I got 104.00 on a trade in
---- 100.00 for the car because the dealer wanted the tires plus 4.00 for the sales tax. Maybe I should have waited; the
sales tax is now 5.5%.

I knew a guy in college who had a Pinto wagon.... it was fun to execute parking brake u-turns in the thing!

[Disco Man]

Renault Le Car:

This automotive speedo repels women as effectively as a Ron Jeremy book signing. Drive one and you'll be on your own forever. Renault went to extravagant lengths to further humiliate drivers of this road toad by emblazoning the car with enormous "Le Car" graphics on the side - the automotive equivalent of an "I'm 40 and still live at Mom's" T-shirt at a single's bar.

I knew a fellow that had one; women thought it was "cute" and he did quite well during his college years while driving the silly thing. I figured he had to have a set to be seen in it.

In a strange sort of way, they were exotic economy cars. Not many of them were around and it had a sporty look to it. I had a neighbor (when I was a kid) who owned one when they were new, and he had the hybrid convertible top/sunroof. Seemed to attract a lot of attention.

[misterdecibel]

Renault Le Car:

This automotive speedo repels women as effectively as a Ron Jeremy book signing. Drive one and you'll be on your own forever. Renault went to extravagant lengths to further humiliate drivers of this road toad by emblazoning the car with enormous "Le Car" graphics on the side - the automotive equivalent of an "I'm 40 and still live at Mom's" T-shirt at a single's bar.

I knew a fellow that had one; women thought it was "cute" and he did quite well during his college years while driving the silly thing. I figured he had to have a set to be seen in it.

In a strange sort of way, they were exotic economy cars. Not many of them were around and it had a sporty look to it. I had a neighbor (when I was a kid) who owned one when they were new, and he had the hybrid convertible top/sunroof. Seemed to attract a lot of attention.

Thing about the R5 Le Car is that, for its time, it was a truly great small car. Until it broke. Sadly they broke often. But when everything was working, it was a fun little car to drive, and was very comfortable too. The R5 was hugely popular in its homeland.

[Eric]

Renault Le Car:

This automotive speedo repels women as effectively as a Ron Jeremy book signing. Drive one and you'll be on your own forever. Renault went to extravagant lengths to further humiliate drivers of this road toad by emblazoning the car with enormous "Le Car" graphics on the side - the automotive equivalent of an "I'm 40 and still live at Mom's" T-shirt at a single's bar.

I knew a fellow that had one; women thought it was "cute" and he did quite well during his college years while driving the silly thing. I figured he had to have a set to be seen in it.

In a strange sort of way, they were exotic economy cars. Not many of them were around and it had a sporty look to it. I had a neighbor (when I was a kid) who owned one when they were new, and he had the hybrid convertible top/sunroof. Seemed to attract a lot of attention.

Thing about the R5 Le Car is that, for its time, it was a truly great small car. Until it broke. Sadly they broke often. But when everything was working, it was a fun little car to drive, and was very comfortable too. The R5 was hugely popular in its homeland.

Gimme a Cordoba... it, at least, had a V-8 and was RWD!

[misterdecibel]

Gimme a Cordoba... it, at least, had a V-8 and was RWD!

Oh yeah, an anemic Lean Burn 318, what a barn burner. I swear you can count, in seconds, the delay time between when you step on the gas and when something actually starts happening. Those late '70s/early '80s Chrysler products were the pits. I'd rather have a Pinto.