Clover Taxonomy VI – The Last Word?

I’ll add a few since there hasn’t been another. Both based on my experiences today.

The “wait in stupid places” clover: just like the name implies, they… stop and wait in stupid places, in the process jamming up the works. Real life example: a store I shop at has one-way parking aisles with angled spaces. I get there, scan the rows from the “main road” (the one that fronts the store), all the close spots are in the rows coming towards the store because of course they are. I get to the last one-way row, intending to start searching row by row for a space, and… there’s a woman in a Honda CR-V just sitting in the middle of the row, right at the beginning so no one can pull in behind her, with her turn signal on. I figure maybe she’s waiting for someone who’s backing out, so I wait… and wait… and wait… and wait… and soon someone has stacked up behind me (also with their signal on) making me the clover for not finding another place to turn around… and then I start to feel like my engine’s going to cook soon if I can’t get moving (temperature sensor gone silly), so finally I lay on the horn and keep laying on it. After about 15 seconds of angry horn, she finally looks in her mirror and realizes there are at least two people stacked up waiting for her to do something so they can go down the row. Her response is to back up (in the process almost hitting someone who was coming the other way past us), then pull to the side (but not into a space because there weren’t any) and go back to talking on her cell phone. There was no way she was waiting for a space ’cause when I went down the row there were no cars that even had their reverse lights on.

The “embarasser” clover: This clover is fine with driving fast, but takes their sweet frickin’ time getting there… all the better to make you look like an impatient moron for gunning past them when they were accelerating. Throw in a couple of obnoxiously-timed lights if you want to make it extra embarassing.

Had a real Clover incident today. Clover-fuck in a mid-1990’s Ford Thunderbird thought it was awesome to drive down the on-ramp at 40 mph and merge with traffic going 75 mph. Of course, I was stuck behind him. Heavy traffic in 3 lanes. Semi-truck in the right lane could not move over, he was blocked. I had to go onto the shoulder and slam the brakes to avoid a crash while Clover merged right in front of the semi barreling down on him. Semi locked up the wheels, looked like he was going to jack-knife but thankfully didn’t. He almost rear-ended Clover….. Clovers are such fucking IDIOTS…..

I’m not sure if anybody has mentioned one of the most dangerous of all Clover behaviours……the 18 wheeler Clover. This clown, all too common here in the foothills in TN, will pull into the left lane going up a mountain, right in front of a line of cars that can maintain speed up the mountain, often very nearly running a car off the road in the process. People tell me that it’s 1% of the truckers who do this, but my experience is that it happens at least once every trip up the mountain from town to my home. Of all the Clover behaviours listed, this one is most irritating to me because these assholes, much like leviathan government, just do it because they can….their sheer mass protects them from consequences. Oh yeah, the handicapped plates Clover, Cloverus Incompetus, abounds here. Most of them are transplanted Yankees but some are just fat, young inbred locals…..statistically they are most apt to drive like actual turds on a regular basis. I suppose an 18 wheeler with handicapped plates would be the worst….

One subset of clover that is very common out my way: the handicapped–plates clover. That is, those with the license plates with the stylized wheelchair. Invariably they hog the left lane, drive well under the limit, and engage in other annoying behavior.

Many with such plates are elderly who seem to have problems driving and therefore probably should not be. But many don’t appear to be elderly. In any event, we should not give a free pass on poor driving with such devices as these special plates.

Some years ago I was exiting a tunnel in southeastern Virginia and accelerating to the posted 55 mph while passing slower traffic. As I came over the rise to ground level, I nearly rear-ended a handicapped-tag clover in a van who was doing no more than 25 mph in the passing lane—in a 55 zone.

As an aside, one thing I don’t understand: a handicapped-tag plate on a motorcycle. You can get these in some states including Virginia. The question that arises is, what happens if the motorcycle driver lays down the bike?

That’s part of the implied equation with driving a motorcycle. It’s going to happen one day. Is he going to be able to right or pick up a 600–pound bike after laying it down? If he can, how is he really handicapped enough to qualify for the tag? (It’s like “disabled” people who somehow still manage to father or bear/give birth to children and care for small infants while receiving disability payments courtesy of you and me. They ain’t disabled if they can do that.)

I couldn’t agree more Eric…

What makes me laugh even more is that I can relate to some of these:

* The “Break Your Car” Clover –
Yes, I know someone that has an older Mustang 5.0, and yet drove it like an old man driving a Cadillac… He used to drive it a bit below the speed limit on the highway – because he didn’t want too much “wear and tear” on it!

* The Emergency Flasher Clover
I remember once being stuck driving behind someone doing 20 km/h (yes, I’m Canadian) less than the posted speed limit, at night, during a rain storm. And yes, he had his 4 ways on. When I finally reached passing lanes, he blocked me from passing on the left. So I tried passing on the right – and he blocked me again! Finally I passed him on the oncoming lane (giving him the 2 other lanes), and then he flashed me the high beams for having the audacity to pass him!

* The roundabout stop Clover
I can think of a variation of this one… Nothing irks me more than people who can’t use the acceleration lanes properly to merge onto a highway. Either they’ll stop completely at the beginning of the acceleration lane and wait until all the traffic on the highway clears, or worse, they’ll drive to the end of the acceleration lane, then stop, then wait for the traffic to clear! Equally as annoying are when you’re using the acceleration lane to accelerate and merge into traffic, and the car in the right lane won’t leave you a space to merge in…

Replying to my own last 2 messages….

I see that Eric P described these last 2 clovers in one of his earlier posts. So I’m merely repeating what’s already been said. Needless to say, these 2 types of clovers have frustrated all of us at some time.

One more type of clover who unknowingly holds up traffic: drivers who want to turn left and hold up traffic when exiting parking lots at unsignalized points waiting for the almost-never-to-occur gap in traffic (which requires that there be gaps in both directions). Obama will say the ACA was a failure before such a gap ever occurs.

There is a creative way around this: turn right, proceed to the next intersection or convenient point, then turn left or make a u-turn. That way, you only have to wait for a gap in the near lane (the one you would turn right to enter).

That’s how many major intersections in Metro Detroit (and much of Michigan as well) are configured. This design is so closely identified with the Wolverine State that it’s called a “Michigan Left.” See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michigan_left, http://www.michiganhighways.org/indepth/michigan_left.html, http://michigan.gov/mdot/0,4616,7-151-9620_10694-161777–,00.html

You’re going hard after defensive drivers. A little bit of caution is always wise, particularly with all the irresponsible drivers there are out there. These include:

1. Drivers who don’t signal when turning or changing lanes. I’m always cautious when I see gaps in front of me in lines on expressways, because it never fails–a driver will jump into the gap without signaling first.

2. Drivers who run through red lights at the PSL

3. Drivers who enter traffic in front of you, forcing you to brake to avoid hitting them

I always hesitate a second after a light turns green before proceeding. Even when I did that and started to proceed forward, out of nowhere, a driver driving at the PSL hit me, carrying me about 50 feet and tearing off my front end. Needless to say, it was very frightening. Even worse, he claimed I was the one who ran a red light (is he color blind?) A witness stopped and pointed her finger at the other driver, saving me stress and $$$.

You can’t beat the roundabout in Indianapolis (Monument Circle) The Cross-roads of America. A drivers ed classic.

Mal -adjusted headlight Clovers : can’t concieve that blinding oncoming traffic (120mph clossing rate with
2-tons of steel mere inches away) is a bad idea…includes
bumper sagging trailer haulers and clovers running foglamps .

disagree with the roundabout point.
The roundabout pretty much is a European thing, imported to our shores.
Like in the US (where it is generally ignored or not known alas) the rule is right-before-left, unless signed differently, i.e. stop sign, etc.

However, this rule does NOT apply, even w/o signage, at roundabouts?
Why, cause these are always entered from the right, so the circling traffic would have to stop/slow/make room for the entering traffic.
That exactly defeats the roundabouts purpose, which is to keep the traffic flow moving, from the circle outward.

So, it is indeed right to stop at roundabouts, and their purpose is to eliminate traffic lighted intersections, not to eliminate stop signs.

Not saying one should stop if its obvious there´s no traffic inside, but the theory of the roundabout is the opposite of what you write.

Question:
Is it cloverish to straddle the right shoulder enough so people can´t use it where it´s not permitted during a traffic back-up, when all the people who do this will be doing is cutting in front of YOU?
I do it at the Holland Tunnel off I-78 NJ Turnpike extension, because the shoulder narrows to about 2ft at the ramp anyway, so all they gain is a cut in front of me (not getting to a right turn… ).

Still, what do you think?

I have to admit, shamefully, that up until about a year ago I was a die hard clover. It took me 38 years to figure things out, but I’m here and there’s no turning back now. Libertarian philosophy has changed me in a multitude of ways, for the better.

How about the “pull ahead to block your left view when you’re turning right”-Clover? Two lanes of traffic in one direction are at a stop. The Clover in the left lane must turn left. However, he decides to pull ahead and block your left view, making it impossible for you to turn right because you can’t see cross-traffic in the near lane. Nevermind that Clover cannot possibly turn BEFORE you, because for him to turn, BOTH lanes must be clear, while you only need the near-lane to be clear – the very same near-lane whose view Clover is blocking for you.

You forgot the cellphone clover, the applying makeup/shaving clover, the reading a book propped on the wheel clover, the dork with the kids at the light and not notice it turned green clover, the you’re letting me merge on the interstate but I’ll pace you from the ramp clover, the pull into the on ramp during a backup and run ahead three cars clover, the bob & weave through every gap clover the I’m a dumbass and keep missing my road three times around the rotary clover……..all of which I saw yesterday.

Or the clover who ” passes” a semi on the interstate while going downhill, but instead of executing the pass hangs out adjacent to the truck for fear of going faster than the posted speed limit. I have a buddy who drives truck and when riding with him I’ve seen numerous instances of this. He laughs and calls them idiots. He says only a fool would hang out in that danger zone. They’re one blown truck tire away from death.

Maybe the “Cross walk clover” has been mentioned or is a sub-category..anyway…
Cross walk clover comes to a screeching stop once someone on the side of the road appears to move toward the cross walk or is less than 30 feet from the cross walk. It does not matter that there are drivers behind this clover that could possibly adhere to the rule that cars, in general, are bigger than people and people should therefore at least slow down before stepping into the street. I can’t imagine how many unnecessary repairs this clover has caused as a result of their inability to use common sense as other less timid drivers ram into them. Of course, this clover is exonerated by the law since he was the one rear-ended.
This clover is limited to most Liberal western cities in the USSA, I have found, and do not exist outside of the USSA.

You forgot the toll booth clover(s).

Pull up at any toll booth and the sheeple will pool up in long lines to the left when the booth on the far right always has few if any cars.

Stay right

Ha! EPA’s clover (a.k.a. Gil, a.k.a. MikeInWichita, a.k.a. Jerry Wolfgang [oops, that’s his handle while commenting at Economic Policy Journal and boy is he more intelligent sounding there) … EPA’s clover is, Agent Smith.

“The Matrix can spawn one Agent Smith after another, like a machine turning out products, and still the incalculable and magical fact of consciousness endures beyond the machine. ”

http://jonrappoport.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/the-hidden-paranormal-people/

With luck, some of the clovers surrounding us on the road can be, enlightened.
Something tells me it’s just going to require some hard economic times first,… or a simple realization.

I took defensive driving recently to dispose of a traffic ticket. I was glad to see that they FINALLY quit telling people the wrong way to set their door mounted rear view mirrors. They had always taught people to set those mirrors so that they could see down the side of their car when viewing thru them. All this did was replicate what was in their center mounted rear view mirror, so therefore using 3 mirrors to see the same thing. Finally they have started telling people to set them properly: when a car is passing you and as it’s image begins to leave your center mount rear view mirror it should begin to appear in your side rear view, thus eliminating the so-called blind spot that they use to always refer to.
But of course they add to add more stupid guidelines due to poor drivers: They now tell people NOT to pull into the intersection when waiting for oncoming traffic to clear when making a left turn, which of course is a totally moronic idea.
This means the Clovers will sit thru the light forever, over and over, if traffic never clears. The whole idea of pulling into the intersection is the fact that when your light turns red, and the oncoming traffic stops, YOU have the right of way – Even tho the cross traffic now has a green light the law states that they cannot proceed until the intersection has cleared, meaning you turning left and going on your way. This new defensive driving instruction came about because too many Clovers would pull out into an intersection, and then once their light turned red, they freaked out and would not go, thus blocking the intersection.

The making of bratty Clover runts in Amerika:
TV just enforces the behavior.

http://www.lewrockwell.com/2013/10/fred-reed/the-wussification-of-boys/

What about the Clover driving a head of you on a one-lane road with a shoulder to the right, who signals a left turn and then moves to the utmost right side of the road into the shoulder to make the turn, making it impossible for you to pass on the right, which on this road is perfectly legal. Brings out the type A in me every time!

Eric, you had me laughing out loud in so many places in this article, such as:

“Amish hay truck”, “veteran of the Spanish American War meeting down at the legion hall”, “‘Kid’s First Plate’…consider yourself on notice”, “conga line of Clovers”, “(per the Clover Handbook), prevent anyone else from getting by him”. It’s not only the principles you are writing about that are so great, but the excellent writing style that makes these articles so appealing and entertaining!

Ok Since we are both reading this my girlfriend Jan and I are going to accuse and confess of our cloverisms.
I drive to slow, talk to much, and always seem to end up pinned in behind dump trucks when driving a car. I drive a motorcycle way to fast.

She rubbernecks in the middle and on the wrong side of the road in historic or interesting residential neighborhoods. She never gets closer than 40 feet from the person in front of her at a stop light. She totally knows what she she is doing though.

Pet peeve clover: Magnanimous Clover: Been sitting at the four way stop since you were a half a block away but insists you take the right of way.

I think I must be the discoverer of a species that I’ve not seen in the literature, despite it being so common (at least where I live). This kind is sitting at a stop sign ahead of me as I approach a 4-way stop. They seem to be terrified as I loom in their rear-view mirror. One might think that all the more reason to proceed. But no — evidently their primitive lizard-brain is in charge, and they behave as though I were approaching them from the front. They simply will not budge, regardless of how far back I might have been when I came into their view (even a quarter mile), until I am absolutely fully stopped behind them. Only then are they willing to depress the accelerator and proceed through the intersection. So I must needlessly stop twice. Often, they thus allow other cars to arrive from other directions and stop, who must also wait while Lizard-Brain waits for me to stop behind them. Then, of course, I must wait my turn for the others. A Lizard-Brain can add a half-minute to your travel-time.

Here in Utah the there are three primary types of Clover:

1. Making right turns from the left-turn lane or vice-versa. A sub-set of this is those who don’t even look when making turns in general. The other day I got cut off twice within 100 feet!

2. The “Screw you wanting to merge into my lane” Clover. Getting onto the freeway around here is the scariest thing, especially at night, but this also applies to changing lanes in general. If you signal to change lanes and even begin to move over when someone in the next lane is behind you, they will NEVER SLOW DOWN to let you in. Most times, they even speed up to try and get ahead of you instead.

3. Mostly applies to winter, but the final set is the “Driving in Snowy/Icy conditions is the same as driving under normal conditions” Clover. Every year, starting with the first big snowstorm, the accident rate spikes because people think physics of wet/icy roads don’t apply to them.

Porky creates carnage as well. One night I was driving on I-95, cruising at 70,when suddenly traffic slowed to a crawl.. After about ten minutes of crawling, I came up on the emergency that was causing the slowdown problem in the southbound lanes.

There was a Virginia State trooper who had someone pulled over against the northbound lanes median barrier, and he had his fucking spotlight aimed directly into the eyes of southbound drivers. There’s no way he could have failed to notice how southbound traffic had come to a crawl as blinded drivers had to nearly stop before managing to crawl past the spotlight. He simply didn’t connect the slowdown to his spotlight, or failed, utterly, to give a fuck.

Fuckin cops. Who needs ’em?

Thanks for writing about the Conga-line clovers that drive me nuts every day on my way to work. There are TWO left turn lanes at an intersection and they will only use the right one, which causes traffic to back up past the choke point. Meaning another light cycle OR TWO to wait for me! The problem is that there is an office park on the right about 1/2 mile or so down the road. So all of those cubicle-dwelling clovers just HAVE TO BE in the right lane to prepare, even when the left lane is almost empty. To make matters worse these a-holes tend to not pull forward as much as they could. I am really sick of these completely self-absorbed d-bags.

Used to ride with a guy who spent more time in an average day yelling about people in his blind spot than the sum total of all other people over my entire life. He’d SLAM the gas then SLAM the brake then SLAM the gas then SLAM the brake… His tach would pogo. No more than 2 seconds between changes. With a great ability to overestimate the capabilities of his adversary he’d yell “I vary my speed by twenty miles an hour and he stays right there!” Super-mutant X-reactions this vile creature must surely have. My guy would be slamming the steering wheel and turning bright red, breathing like Sisyphus. Oh, his speedometer? Barely flicker. Two or three mph was about all the chance he gave it.
I wonder what it’s like in his head that so many people are so determinedly out to get him.

Most of my clover encounters involve sail fawns. Last week I was driving in a construction zone. Much chaos, cones, lights, heavy equipment, people running around, stop and go. Look in rear view mirror and see SUV with woman at wheel (I won’t say “driving.”). She had her sail fawn, of course, but wasn’t talking on it. She had it balanced on the top of the wheel and was looking intently into it while steadying it with both hands and, I suppose, texting. Her vehicle was moving.

I pulled onto the shoulder and let her pass. But I still wonder what kind of mentality allows someone to do that. Even if you don’t care about rear ending somebody else, wouldn’t you at least not want to damage your own vehicle?

Clovers annoy me more than they do most drivers because of when and where I learned to drive — in Buenos Aires, a city the size of Chicago, in the late 1940s, prior to the installation of its first traffic light. Instead of learning to drive passively by following established rules, I was taught instead the common practice to always take advantage of the road available to me. This concept — to take advantage of the road available — is as foreign to the clover’s mind as his/her indifference (or is it compulsion?) to annoying other drivers, and is a major factor in most of the above comments, all of which are right-on!

I was reading along, being mildly entertained, until I ran into your screed against SUV owners with “spayshul” tags. I am incensed! I own one of these vehicles, and am anything BUT a Clover. I picked up my 2001 Ford Expedition 4×4 at auction for a song and a dance, thinking I could flip it, and make some money. When it did not sell, I added it to my fleet of taxis as an airport shuttle, and large capacity passenger hauler. I love this thing. It has all the power and performance of the F-150 4×4 upon which it is based, plus it can haul up to seven drunks, and/or a shit-ton of cargo. I once used it to haul an 800 pound helicopter part for one of our clients (long story). As for the “spayshul” tags, this thing has a back up propane system on it, qualifying it for sky-blue “clean air” tags. This is important because it is a hall pass for the HOV lane–a major benefit for a taxi when driving in rush hour.
I would have to say because of its comfort, reliability, power, and overall usefulness to me that this vehicle is my favorite one that I have ever owned. I was so impressed by it, that I bought a second one for our fleet as well!
Be careful when you generalize, Eric, because not all the flowers of the field are clovers. (I think I’m more of a ragweed than anything else…)

Dear Eric,

This article came out on Friday. Great timing.

While driving back to my house on Thursday from a grocery run, I had a clover incident .

I was driving in an half-mile area which went from posted at 45 mph to 55 mph.
The only vehicle in front of me was a blue van which had a sign above the back window which read “I stop at all Railroad crossings.” I thought, you’ve got to be kidding me.

Sure enough for more than 1/2 mile into the 55 mph zone ole blue van continued traveling at 45 mph. I could see in my rear view mirror that he had a congo line forming. I figured that I and my frozen foods aren’t going stand for this pace for another 10 miles.

I know these roads quite well, and knew if I didn’t get out from behind him, I could be driving for quite a while at this infuriating pace.

So when we reached the RR crossing ahead and ole blue van stopped at the crossing, I crossed all the double yellows and sped past the ole blue van.

Guess what thought came to my mind?

My thought wasn’t concerned that the gov’t plates van might speed up and catch me. No. I thought “Eric Peters would be proud of me.”

As I speedily traveled down the road toward home, I could see in the far distance ole blue van with his congo line slow-poking along.

My least favorite is the ramp clover. You know, the one that goes to the end of the acceleration lane and has a failure of nerves. He then sits and waits for a *big* gap. He also has a very dangerous characteristic when in this position: If a following vehicle uses the ramp to accelerate, picks a gap, and merges, the ramp clover will pull out directly in front of this vehicle regardless of the difference in speeds. The clover reasons that if there’s enough time/space/room for the guy behind me, there’s enough for me too.

What about the ‘Won’t Pass PoPo” Clover….this clover was in front of me the other day on a major artery street, we in the left lane and Johnny Law in the middle lane which was backed up and moving slowly.
WPPoPo Clover despite having a quarter mile of open road in front of him will not pass the Police car going 15 mph slower than the posted limit. WHADDUPWIDAT ARSEHOLE!
ATTENTION ALL CLOVERS – Passing a Cop is not illegal in some circumstance – You Can Do It!

Someone ought to tell Clover that the whole point of having roundabouts is to get rid of stop signs – and the need to, you know, stop.

Uh, no. Roundabouts only work properly when arriving traffic gives way to traffic already going round – which means stopping when necessary. Even traffic going round may need to stop to give way to trams going straight over, if there are any (this is much rarer now, with layout changes).

Hey – Has anybody noticed that it seems that well over 50% of drivers , sorry – driver’s seat occupants, now leave a 1 1/2 to 3 car length space between them and the car ahead – while stopped at a red light?

2 cars stopped a at a light and now nobody car get into the left turn lane – or the right turn lane. Which is a green arrow now – which would mean something if only a single car could get into it

Clovers are time burglars. Stealing years worth of your life – 30-90 seconds at a time.

Clovers, not “speeders” would be punished on private toll roads, where profits would be reduced when traffic if impeded – resulting in less cars (and dollars) per minute getting through any given distance. Absent any profit motive, socialist roads suck. They always will. There is no reforming them.

Before clover takes the obvious strawman “and think of all the carnage on your private speedway toll roads…” argument, I offer you this: How much profit do you reckon a private speedway toll road generates when frequent accidents move close to zero cars per mile per minute?

Yes – the market alternative is also safer than socialist roads.

Think of what could be

It’s the way too much space going zero mph clover.

Is this just a SE Michigan thing – or is it everywhere?

“Sometimes, Clover will even speed up – his fear of rain driving apparently having been trumped by his bottomless urge to show you who’s boss.”

Two weeks ago I was driving home from karate practice at around 10pm. I was on the back roads near my home and I came up on a slow boater. I didn’t tailgate, never do. At the first clearing I went to make a clean pass (he was doing 35). As I came up on him he floored the pedal. Wouldn’t you know it he got up to 75mph to prevent me from passing. I had no choice but to back off. He then slammed his brakes on and came down to about 10mph, so I went to pass again. Wouldn’t you know it he did the same shit. So then I backed way off. He pretty much parked his car in the middle of the road, so I went to pass again. He pulled the same shit. At this point I was side by side with him, so I said fuck it and just came over on him. Wouldn’t you know it my clover cam was maxed out on memory at the time. All I want to do is get to where I’m going, in this case home. When people want to pass me I let them. If there are pull offs, I pull off. WTF gives..?

Another brilliant article Eric.

“Probably, the advent of the automatic transmission is inadvertently responsible for the proliferation of this species of Clover – since it made it possible for people who otherwise couldn’t drive at all to pretend they can.”

My thoughts exactly. Herky Jerky Clover describes my older sister very well. The frustration of being a passenger with her is almost overwhelming – to the point I feel like exiting the car at the next intersection.

My younger sister.. well, she used to tailgate within inches, slam on the brakes and curse when the car ahead slowed by 0.0002k’s. Of course, she never understood the physics that being so close requires her to have the reaction times of a trailer. Since she’s moved to rural Tasmania, she and her boyfriend are nannies on the road, of which many are dirt and single lane. They panic and curse the oncoming car to “slow down idiot” if it’s doing more than snail’s pace [sigh].

Recently I’ve had several clovers in front of me crawling (and slowing) towards a green light, then stopping when it goes yellow. If the next lane’s clear I swerve around them and make my turn.

Some years ago I was driving my forklift service van, full of parts and tool boxes early one morning, behind another car and we both wanted to turn at the green arrow. Ten feet from the line the arrow goes yellow and this idiot decides to slam on the brakes. I managed to stop inches from his backside but felt all the tools and parts slide up against the cab. What a moron, considering I was more than 2 seconds behind him. If I was any more loaded up, I woulda crushed him.

I believe that red light cams are purely responsible for this, although many of these intersections don’t have one, lazy clovers act like this “just in case”.

Once again Eric, another brilliant article. You’ll never cover all the cloveristic tendencies, because they make it up as they go – if they go at all.

Granddad was a herkey-jerkey clover. Only time I ever threw up in a car was in the back of his 1974 Grand Prix.

Is it just me or is there a fucking troll in here trying to pretend he isn’t Gil?

“Ultimately, Cloverism is a function of density. The more people in a given area, the greater the number of Clovers ”

Sooooo Eric the solution is obvious- go somewhere that you have a cow pasture to drive in all by yourself and work off your rage at others for daring to get in your way. YOU won’t be missed and the Roads will be safer with one more nut out of circulation.

LOL! Was just in a situation where the state parasites were mowing grass on the side of the road and a Clover would not pass by because of a double line…Unbelievable mayhem as all cars behind the unthinking/obedient government-worshiping runt angrily pulled out to pass.

This morning on the way to work, following a good friend and coworker, we were both assaulted by “Crossover Clover.” First of all, we’re dealing with a person who can’t decide between a mini-van, an SUV or a car so they buy a vehicle for the chronically indecisive: a crossover. With that in mind the rest of this should come as no surprise. “It” pulls out of Wendy’s parking lot, angles across both lanes of traffic cutting off my buddy in a mid size sedan (we’re both motorheads, so I could feel his hackles going up). Then “it ” acts like it’s going into the left turn lane, changes its mind and swerves back into the left lane (never signalling) and then slows down as “it” approaches a green light at the next intersection.

As we cross that intersection, where the road narrows back down to two lanes, “it” slows down even more to <25 in a 35. At this point, my buddy gets pissed, nails it and blows past "Crossover Clover" in what's left of the right merge lane before it can even think about responding. I'd run out of room and was now idling behind this moron at 20 MPH, evoking the high beam in the rearview response from me. At which point "Crossover Clover" puts on its left turn signal riding along with two wheels in my lane and two in the center turn lane and finally turns into the Sonic parking lot! All of this occurred in under a 1/4 mile. We can only hope that this Clover's fast food addiction renders it sufficiently obese, diabetic and otherwise physically incapacitated that it will soon be residing in a state run home for the chronically Obamunistic and not behind the wheel. Heaven forbid that it reproduces before that happens, but since it stopped at two fast food joints….

“It may be the fluoridation of the water.”

Well, I think it is one contributing factor to cloverism. Drinking water which has an aggressive non natural chemical added to it for decades is a bad idea, since the stuff accumulates in the pineal gland. This gland is located in the head, people!

Brush your teeth with fluoridated tooth paste and spit it out!

I know I’ve said this before but…..The best drivers regardless how perceived by other people are simply accident free. I’ve taken hundreds of accident reports and it ALWAYS come down to non-attention. One or both drivers was either not paying attention or I would get the “I had the right of way” answer. The Volvo video shows a frustrated driver in a car surrounded by *sshole bikers. Rather than slow down and wait till they pass he drives fast on dirt? The *sshole bikers want to control the road but if you hit one of them its ALWAYS the cars fault.
On a funny note ….. I chased a car once that was stolen. He went through numerous red lights, stop signs etc. I caught him only because he was stopped by traffic. After a very brief foot chase he was arrested. He was more worried about his drivers license then the stolen car charge, why? because he drives for a living! The District Attorney refused to prosecute for reckless driving because he never got into an accident, in his mind that meant he caused no harm.

NO ACCIDENTS >>>>> NO PROBLEMS

Q Tip Clover — great description! Gotta remember that one.

As for the Conga Line Clover, I have an example. There’s an intersection near me where there’s a right turn lane. Invariably, there’s a car blocking it that’s going straight through the intersection. All they’d have to do is pull up a foot or so closer to the line to let people through. But they sit back way behind the line and hold up all the traffic going right.

Most times, I start nudging through like a NYC bus driver, and then the driver notices and pulls up. They don’t want to get their precious Audi SUVs scratched, after all.

(As the story always starts) I was behind a Clover doing ~40 in a 35 that until recently was a 45. We came to a stretch with no driveways, no turnoffs, a bit of a valley where you can see half a mile, and (you guessed it) a double yellow. I try to pass and Clover cuts over to prevent me from passing. I know he sees me because he’s looking at me in his driver’s side mirror.

There’s something wrong with the people in this farming county where I live. If there’s a car sitting at a stop sign when an approaching car is signaling a left hand turn, the stopped driver will pull out in front of the driver signaling a left turn, cutting across his path. I’ve nearly hit three drivers pulling this retarded move in the past week.

I guess they think that just because it may be safe to do that to a driver who is signaling a right turn, then it’s cool to run the stop sign if any approaching driver has a blinking turn signal for either direction. Maybe it’s because of a very bad driver’s ed teacher here, since all three of the idiots I nearly hit were young drivers.

Hi Eric,

In “Clover Taxonomy V” you have a picture next to the “Old Car Clover”. That guy is a separate subspecies and needs to be recognized!! I call him the “Breaking on Green Clover”. I find myself behind that guy all the time! Except that he is not always old or a he.

You’re driving behind this Clover and as you both approach an intersection with a green light, Clover applies his brakes and slows down, “anticipating” a yellow light. One of two outcomes seems assured:
1. Clover slows so much that neither of you reach the intersection before the light changes yellow at which point he stops. Clover feels vindicated and thinks “Whew! That was close!”
2. Clover proceeds through the yellow but there isn’t enough time for both of you to get through, so YOU must stop. Once safely through the intersection, Clover presses the accelerator.

Next to the “Stopping on Hills in Snow Clover”, this guy pisses me off the most.

“The only advice I have, therefore, is – simply – flee.”

Working on that. With any luck, we’ll have everything in place before things get too bad around here.

Of course, I apply the same principles of that statement almost on a daily basis with regard to the roaming packs of Mutant Zombie Clovers. Especially with the ones that exhibit multiple Cloverific behaviors, I make every effort to put them in my rearview mirror. This activity sometimes comes with commentary by any passengers I happen to be carrying, but I explain to them that the “driver” (and I use the term loosely) I just passed is an accident waiting to happen and if it does happen, there are pretty long odds that it will rush forward to involve me.