Clover Taxonomy VI – The Last Word?

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It may be the fluoridation of the water. Possibly the chem trails. Perhaps it is an assault at the micro-genetic level. Q tip CloverWho can say?

Whatever the source, Cloverism is propagating. There are more of them all the time, it seems. And an ever-increasing variety, too. I thought five chapters (see here, here, here, here and here) would cover it. But it seems there are still a few more subsets to document:

* The Defensive Driving Clover -

He is steeped deep in the learned passivity taught by government “driving” schools and propagandized by their official adjunct, the DMV. If any one thing defines a Clover, it is his reverence for this concept – for the idea of never taking the initiative, never relying on his own judgment – but instead always obeying The Law to the letter, regardless of the sense of doing so. This Clover will sit at a red light all night long, if need be. He will never tread over the double yellow – even for the 10 yards it takes to pass that Amish hay truck crawling along ahead of him at 8 MPH in a 45. But most of all, he expects – demands – that everyone else be just as passive – as “defensive” – as he is.herky jerkey clover

* The Herky Jerky Clover -

This Clover stabs the gas – and then the brakes. Repeat. Over and over and over again. Smoothness is a concept foreign to this Clover. His stabby braking – and equally sudden bursts of acceleration – create an accordion effect that wastes gas, burns up clutches and brake pads. It also wastes time as traffic slows abruptly – the starts up again – for no apparent reason. Probably, the advent of the automatic transmission is inadvertently responsible for the proliferation of this species of Clover – since it made it possible for people who otherwise couldn’t drive at all to pretend they can.

* The “Break Your Car” Clover -

This Clover rails against using more than 50 percent of a car’s performance capability on the theory that to do so constitutes abuse and will result in the car’s premature demise. He therefore buys a car with a 300 hp V-6 and drives it as though it had no more than a 150 hp four under its hood. Why won’t he just buy a car with a 150 hp four? Because then he’d have to drive it as if it were powered by a 60 hp three cylinder – and that’s too slow, even for Clover.

* The roundabout stop Clover -roundabout Clover

Someone ought to tell Clover that the whole point of having roundabouts is to get rid of stop signs – and the need to, you know, stop.  Clover, of course, loves to stop. It’s his next most favorite thing (after slowing down). Clovers look for reasons – excuses, to be precise – to stop. And will do so even when there’s no reason to – as when entering a roundabout. They also like to stop when there’s a school bus on the other side of a divided highway – and a quarter of a mile away.

* Q Tip Clover -

At first, you’d swear the car ahead is driving itself. The Google car! Except Google probably wouldn’t use a ’95 Oldsmobile Achieva as the platform for its driverless car. So, you look again – and see the little puff of white hair just barely higher than the headrest. It’s Q Tip Clover – on his way back from the veterans of the Spanish American War meeting down at the legion hall. He fought for freedom… and now feels free to make you wait.

* The “Kids First” Clover -kids first pic

Vanity plates are helpful in that they give you fair warning that the driver ahead of you is probably – and in some case, almost certainly is – a Clover. If you see a “Kids First” plate – or “Clean Special Fuel” – consider yourself on notice. When the light goes green, Clover won’t go. Almost always, you won’t be able to see, either. Because these spayshull plates are almost always affixed to a monstrous SUV, bloated minivan or similar Clover conveyance.

* The Motorcycle Clover -

It’s less common for bikers to be Clovers, but there are some – and they tend to ride in groups. And when they do, they sometimes occupy both traffic lanes, making it impossible for anyone else to get around them. The result is sometimes an eruption of exasperation along the lines of the Volvo driver in the video above. One can only take so much.

* The conga line Clover - turn 1

At busy intersections, there are often two turn lanes. But frequently, you’ll find only one of them is being used. A conga line of Clovers will stretch back from the head Clover at the front of the line to the point at which the two lanes thin to just one – making it all but impossible for you to access the empty turn lane. Not one of the Clovers ahead notice the empty lane to their left. They just follow the Clover ahead of them who follows the next Clover – and so on. (You’ll encounter this same phenomenon at bank drive-thru windows. Two lanes will be open, with a line of several Clovers waiting in Line 1 – and Line 2 open but inaccessible because of the stacked-up line of Clovers to the left.)

* The Emergency Flasher Clover  – rain clover 1

He’s the Clover who can’t handle heavy rain, but instead of pulling off the road until it clears up, turns on his emergency flashers and keeps on going. . . . very, very slowly. Often, he will straddle the center line of a two-lane highway in order to lead the way and (per the Clover Handbook) prevent anyone else from getting by him. If you try to ease around him, Clover’s concern for your safety will manifest in the form of horn honking and high beam flashing. Sometimes, Clover will even speed up – his fear of rain driving apparently having been trumped by his bottomless urge to show you who’s boss.

What to do?

Ultimately, Cloverism is a function of density. The more people in a given area, the greater the number of Clovers – and the harder it is to get away from (or around) them.  At some point, a critical mass of Cloverism is achieved – and escape becomes impossible. Get by one – and there’s another up ahead. It’s like trying to fend off a Zombie horde with just one mag full of ammo. herd

The only advice I have, therefore, is – simply – flee.

Get as far away from people as possible and you’ll be fairly free of Clovers.

For a little while, anyhow.

Throw it in the Woods?

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eric

Author of "Automotive Atrocities" and "Road Hogs" (MBI). Currently living amongst the Edentulites in rural SW Virginia. 

  230 comments for “Clover Taxonomy VI – The Last Word?

  1. Joe H.
    November 8, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    Had a real Clover incident today. Clover-fuck in a mid-1990’s Ford Thunderbird thought it was awesome to drive down the on-ramp at 40 mph and merge with traffic going 75 mph. Of course, I was stuck behind him. Heavy traffic in 3 lanes. Semi-truck in the right lane could not move over, he was blocked. I had to go onto the shoulder and slam the brakes to avoid a crash while Clover merged right in front of the semi barreling down on him. Semi locked up the wheels, looked like he was going to jack-knife but thankfully didn’t. He almost rear-ended Clover….. Clovers are such fucking IDIOTS…..

    • eric
      November 9, 2013 at 6:49 am

      Hi Joe,

      Yup… and my bet is that Clover didn’t even look in the rearview and never noticed (much less cared about) the mayhem he caused.

  2. Giuseppe Crowe
    November 8, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    I’m not sure if anybody has mentioned one of the most dangerous of all Clover behaviours……the 18 wheeler Clover. This clown, all too common here in the foothills in TN, will pull into the left lane going up a mountain, right in front of a line of cars that can maintain speed up the mountain, often very nearly running a car off the road in the process. People tell me that it’s 1% of the truckers who do this, but my experience is that it happens at least once every trip up the mountain from town to my home. Of all the Clover behaviours listed, this one is most irritating to me because these assholes, much like leviathan government, just do it because they can….their sheer mass protects them from consequences. Oh yeah, the handicapped plates Clover, Cloverus Incompetus, abounds here. Most of them are transplanted Yankees but some are just fat, young inbred locals…..statistically they are most apt to drive like actual turds on a regular basis. I suppose an 18 wheeler with handicapped plates would be the worst….

    • eric
      November 8, 2013 at 4:54 pm

      Second that, Giuseppe!

      I have to deal with that almost every day on US 220 heading out of Roanoke toward Rocky Mount. There is a steep grade just outside of city limits – and there always seems to be a trucker-Clover who won’t mover over…

      • ekrampitzjr
        November 8, 2013 at 4:58 pm

        This is common trucker behavior on I-81 in Virginia. Tractor-trailer pulls out to pass in 70 mph zone, then inexplicably slows to 55–60 mph in passing lane. It seems to be deliberate behavior, and not because of any road hazard.

        My brother says he has overheard truck drivers joking about doing this on purpose all the time to hold up “four–wheelers” (cars). Trucking seems to attract a disproportionate share of numbskulls anyway, many of them with clover tendencies, so maybe this isn’t a surprise.

      • Eightsouthman
        November 8, 2013 at 5:13 pm

        eric, so many roads it’s not legal for big rigs to use the inside lane unless you’re passing. This doesn’t make much sense unless they’re pulling out to pass. I’ve churned up mountains so slow I wished I’d had my own lane. I don’t know that I’ve ever known a trucker who wanted to have cars right on his ass. I have had people in cars I was trying to pass stay beside me and force me into a situation where all I could do was remain in the inside lane and wish I could have run them off the road for my and everybody elses sake.

  3. ekrampitzjr
    November 8, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    One subset of clover that is very common out my way: the handicapped–plates clover. That is, those with the license plates with the stylized wheelchair. Invariably they hog the left lane, drive well under the limit, and engage in other annoying behavior.

    Many with such plates are elderly who seem to have problems driving and therefore probably should not be. But many don’t appear to be elderly. In any event, we should not give a free pass on poor driving with such devices as these special plates.

    Some years ago I was exiting a tunnel in southeastern Virginia and accelerating to the posted 55 mph while passing slower traffic. As I came over the rise to ground level, I nearly rear-ended a handicapped-tag clover in a van who was doing no more than 25 mph in the passing lane—in a 55 zone.

    As an aside, one thing I don’t understand: a handicapped-tag plate on a motorcycle. You can get these in some states including Virginia. The question that arises is, what happens if the motorcycle driver lays down the bike?

    That’s part of the implied equation with driving a motorcycle. It’s going to happen one day. Is he going to be able to right or pick up a 600–pound bike after laying it down? If he can, how is he really handicapped enough to qualify for the tag? (It’s like “disabled” people who somehow still manage to father or bear/give birth to children and care for small infants while receiving disability payments courtesy of you and me. They ain’t disabled if they can do that.)

    • Eightsouthman
      November 8, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      ekrampit, think crippled. I can barely walk but can ride hell out of a bike.

      • ekrampitzjr
        November 8, 2013 at 4:20 pm

        Fair enough. I tend to think of frail elderly, people with heart problems and the like, concerning handicapped tags in general. But, serious question, are you able to get the bike back up on its wheels after something happens? Lots of clovers out there who “don’t see” motorcycles, forcing bike drivers into bad situations.

        • Eightsouthman
          November 8, 2013 at 5:01 pm

          ekram, that depends on the bike. Don’t know I ever saw a lone person get a big dresser up alone and again, that depends on what there is to grab on one. I had a GS 1000L I couldn’t get back up on slick concrete but did in the mud in the pasture with a just wrenched wrist. It was one hell of a lot easier with a sissy bar later on.

    • November 8, 2013 at 9:07 pm

      Many years ago, when I was doing motorcycle training, I heard about a motorcyclist of an earlier generation who could ride motorcycles properly even with an amputated leg. He had to give it up when motorcycles stopped having manual gear operation and went to pedal gear operation.

  4. Marty
    November 8, 2013 at 10:48 am

    I couldn’t agree more Eric…

    What makes me laugh even more is that I can relate to some of these:

    * The “Break Your Car” Clover –
    Yes, I know someone that has an older Mustang 5.0, and yet drove it like an old man driving a Cadillac… He used to drive it a bit below the speed limit on the highway – because he didn’t want too much “wear and tear” on it!

    * The Emergency Flasher Clover
    I remember once being stuck driving behind someone doing 20 km/h (yes, I’m Canadian) less than the posted speed limit, at night, during a rain storm. And yes, he had his 4 ways on. When I finally reached passing lanes, he blocked me from passing on the left. So I tried passing on the right – and he blocked me again! Finally I passed him on the oncoming lane (giving him the 2 other lanes), and then he flashed me the high beams for having the audacity to pass him!

    * The roundabout stop Clover
    I can think of a variation of this one… Nothing irks me more than people who can’t use the acceleration lanes properly to merge onto a highway. Either they’ll stop completely at the beginning of the acceleration lane and wait until all the traffic on the highway clears, or worse, they’ll drive to the end of the acceleration lane, then stop, then wait for the traffic to clear! Equally as annoying are when you’re using the acceleration lane to accelerate and merge into traffic, and the car in the right lane won’t leave you a space to merge in…

  5. Steve
    November 7, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    Replying to my own last 2 messages….

    I see that Eric P described these last 2 clovers in one of his earlier posts. So I’m merely repeating what’s already been said. Needless to say, these 2 types of clovers have frustrated all of us at some time.

  6. Steve
    November 7, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    One more type of clover who unknowingly holds up traffic: drivers who want to turn left and hold up traffic when exiting parking lots at unsignalized points waiting for the almost-never-to-occur gap in traffic (which requires that there be gaps in both directions). Obama will say the ACA was a failure before such a gap ever occurs.

    There is a creative way around this: turn right, proceed to the next intersection or convenient point, then turn left or make a u-turn. That way, you only have to wait for a gap in the near lane (the one you would turn right to enter).

    That’s how many major intersections in Metro Detroit (and much of Michigan as well) are configured. This design is so closely identified with the Wolverine State that it’s called a “Michigan Left.” See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michigan_left, http://www.michiganhighways.org/indepth/michigan_left.html, http://michigan.gov/mdot/0,4616,7-151-9620_10694-161777–,00.html

  7. Steve
    November 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    You’re going hard after defensive drivers. A little bit of caution is always wise, particularly with all the irresponsible drivers there are out there. These include:

    1. Drivers who don’t signal when turning or changing lanes. I’m always cautious when I see gaps in front of me in lines on expressways, because it never fails–a driver will jump into the gap without signaling first.

    2. Drivers who run through red lights at the PSL

    3. Drivers who enter traffic in front of you, forcing you to brake to avoid hitting them

    I always hesitate a second after a light turns green before proceeding. Even when I did that and started to proceed forward, out of nowhere, a driver driving at the PSL hit me, carrying me about 50 feet and tearing off my front end. Needless to say, it was very frightening. Even worse, he claimed I was the one who ran a red light (is he color blind?) A witness stopped and pointed her finger at the other driver, saving me stress and $$$.

  8. dan
    November 7, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    You can’t beat the roundabout in Indianapolis (Monument Circle) The Cross-roads of America. A drivers ed classic.

    Mal -adjusted headlight Clovers : can’t concieve that blinding oncoming traffic (120mph clossing rate with
    2-tons of steel mere inches away) is a bad idea…includes
    bumper sagging trailer haulers and clovers running foglamps .

  9. Chris T.
    November 4, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    disagree with the roundabout point.
    The roundabout pretty much is a European thing, imported to our shores.
    Like in the US (where it is generally ignored or not known alas) the rule is right-before-left, unless signed differently, i.e. stop sign, etc.

    However, this rule does NOT apply, even w/o signage, at roundabouts?
    Why, cause these are always entered from the right, so the circling traffic would have to stop/slow/make room for the entering traffic.
    That exactly defeats the roundabouts purpose, which is to keep the traffic flow moving, from the circle outward.

    So, it is indeed right to stop at roundabouts, and their purpose is to eliminate traffic lighted intersections, not to eliminate stop signs.

    Not saying one should stop if its obvious there´s no traffic inside, but the theory of the roundabout is the opposite of what you write.

    Question:
    Is it cloverish to straddle the right shoulder enough so people can´t use it where it´s not permitted during a traffic back-up, when all the people who do this will be doing is cutting in front of YOU?
    I do it at the Holland Tunnel off I-78 NJ Turnpike extension, because the shoulder narrows to about 2ft at the ramp anyway, so all they gain is a cut in front of me (not getting to a right turn… ).

    Still, what do you think?

    • Jacob
      November 4, 2013 at 10:44 pm

      Here in Arizona there is a roundabout exactly like you describe. There is not stop sign, just a “yield” sign for on coming traffic. To all in AZ who want to witness the miracle, it is directly off the I-17 and Happy Valley Road (there are two of them there for both North and South bound traffic off the I-17 on to Happy Valley Road). They work fan-frickin’-tastic. No stop lights or stop signs needed. Not surprisingly, it is in the “wealthier” part of town (poor people apparently can’t handle this shizzle).

  10. Inconsistencies
    November 4, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    I have to admit, shamefully, that up until about a year ago I was a die hard clover. It took me 38 years to figure things out, but I’m here and there’s no turning back now. Libertarian philosophy has changed me in a multitude of ways, for the better.

    • Eightsouthman
      November 4, 2013 at 6:11 pm

      Inconsistencies, you’re way ahead of me although I was always an “independent” who wouldn’t follow the crowd but never thought about libertarianism till I was in my 50’s. Admitting what you were and wanting to change puts you way ahead of 99.9% of the sheeple. Hey, none of us were born with a Mises book in our hand.

      meth, he’s just a damned skunk with delusions of grandeur, a bear worshiper.

    • eric
      November 4, 2013 at 6:43 pm

      Excellent, Inconsistencies!

      And – don’t believe for a moment that the rest of us didn’t also have our own “come to Jesus moment.” The miracle is that anyone manages to de-Cloverize themselves!

    • Jacob
      November 4, 2013 at 9:05 pm

      Politically I’ve only been “awake” for barely 2 years and would only consider myself a “good” driver for the past 2.5 years (ever since I learned how to ride a motorcycle). Cheers.

  11. Clayton
    November 3, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    How about the “pull ahead to block your left view when you’re turning right”-Clover? Two lanes of traffic in one direction are at a stop. The Clover in the left lane must turn left. However, he decides to pull ahead and block your left view, making it impossible for you to turn right because you can’t see cross-traffic in the near lane. Nevermind that Clover cannot possibly turn BEFORE you, because for him to turn, BOTH lanes must be clear, while you only need the near-lane to be clear – the very same near-lane whose view Clover is blocking for you.

    • BrentP
      November 4, 2013 at 12:38 am

      I pull up when turning left and often can turn before the clover. Why? Because clover is too much of pussy to use the horsepower of his vehicle. He’ll sit there and wait until he can gradually accelerate on to the road. Me? I just need a big enough gap to accelerate swiftly across the near lanes, usually no more than 24 feet, with a gap in traffic coming from my right to get up to speed.

      Of course the reason I pull up is because clover is driving an SUV and blocking my view of traffic approaching from the right, the traffic that really determines if I can go or nor. The clover can see clear over my car but insists upon pulling forward and blocking my view.

  12. Ron Smith
    November 3, 2013 at 10:37 am

    You forgot the cellphone clover, the applying makeup/shaving clover, the reading a book propped on the wheel clover, the dork with the kids at the light and not notice it turned green clover, the you’re letting me merge on the interstate but I’ll pace you from the ramp clover, the pull into the on ramp during a backup and run ahead three cars clover, the bob & weave through every gap clover the I’m a dumbass and keep missing my road three times around the rotary clover……..all of which I saw yesterday.

    • MikeFromWichita
      November 4, 2013 at 11:28 am

      ” the bob & weave through every gap clover”

      Not Hardly!!!!! You are robbing the term Clover of all meaning beyond- a driver who does things I personally don’t like with a newer more nimble vehicle than mine. Soooo Chill. That’s a purist libertarian exercising their superior driving skills in their superior vehicle. YOU are not being harmed or subjected to expense.

  13. mike
    November 3, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Or the clover who ” passes” a semi on the interstate while going downhill, but instead of executing the pass hangs out adjacent to the truck for fear of going faster than the posted speed limit. I have a buddy who drives truck and when riding with him I’ve seen numerous instances of this. He laughs and calls them idiots. He says only a fool would hang out in that danger zone. They’re one blown truck tire away from death.

    • Jacob
      November 4, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      In the less than 10 years I have now been driving, I have only witnessed one blown out tire from a semi… it was about 50 feet in front of me and holy shit was that way louder than I ever would have thought. I can only imagine what that noise alone would cause me to do if I was riding my motorcycle in the adjacent lane… Chalk up “blown tires” to one more thing the government doesn’t teach new drivers about that they very much need to be made aware of.

  14. Todd
    November 3, 2013 at 4:43 am

    Maybe the “Cross walk clover” has been mentioned or is a sub-category..anyway…
    Cross walk clover comes to a screeching stop once someone on the side of the road appears to move toward the cross walk or is less than 30 feet from the cross walk. It does not matter that there are drivers behind this clover that could possibly adhere to the rule that cars, in general, are bigger than people and people should therefore at least slow down before stepping into the street. I can’t imagine how many unnecessary repairs this clover has caused as a result of their inability to use common sense as other less timid drivers ram into them. Of course, this clover is exonerated by the law since he was the one rear-ended.
    This clover is limited to most Liberal western cities in the USSA, I have found, and do not exist outside of the USSA.

    • MikeFromWichita
      November 3, 2013 at 10:22 am

      Spent two years in Mukilteo, Washington. Its a $200 ticket there to enter a crosswalk space with your vehicle if a pedestrian even looks like they are about to use the walk. City needs the Money so the barneys cite at every opportunity………..especially if they figure you are from out-of-state. Same deal if you partially cross a double yellow to get around a bike, get caught out by a 1 sec cycle on a stop light or park for 5 seconds where its posted NO PARKING. That last can run as high as $900 including towing & fees if you get the worst rent seeking tow truck firm on a Friday night.

      Sooooo, I figured following their Clover Rules saved me Money and the ONLY inconvenience I caused was to locals who created the mess. Y’all wanna fight city hall and lose(expensively)- go for it. BTW, cops in that region are well known for the joy they take in beating down disobedient civilians.

      • eric
        November 3, 2013 at 11:05 am

        Excellent examples of authority run amok, Mike. Wouldn’t you agree?

        Or do you support “terrorizing” (your word choice, recall) the people who transgress against these laws?

        • MikeFromWichita
          November 4, 2013 at 11:56 am

          Just describing what IS in some places and acknowledging the Reality what IS won’t be changing anytime soon. Also pointing out that conforming in such NO WIN situations is a good survival tactic. Don’t come to the attention of the barneys over trivia. Doing so does not make a person a Clover. In the long run a heavy infestation of Clovers will destroy each other. That process can be sped along by a little sly (and pleasant) encouragement of Clover turf battles

          • eric
            November 4, 2013 at 1:24 pm

            I never said otherwise.

            But, I did ask whether you approve of the “Barneys” harassing people over such things.

            How about it?

    • Richard Roland
      November 4, 2013 at 1:04 am

      And then there’s the school crosswalk guard clover subvariant: when children reach a point about 50 yards from the street, she leaps out in front of you waving her stop sign and smirks at you as you sit for the next minute while the kids toddle toward the road. She knows you would have been long gone before the kids ever reached the road, and makes sure you know she knows. Our does malice disqualify her from being a clover?

      • eric
        November 4, 2013 at 5:59 am

        Hi Richard,

        Yup!

        Control freakism/petty authoritarianism is the mark of a Clover – more than any other single thing. It manifests in a variety of ways, including the way you’ve mentioned. Another is when you try to pass the Clover – and it speeds up to prevent you from doing so!

        • Richard Roland
          November 4, 2013 at 8:43 pm

          I got one of my few tickets due to one of those on a miles-long straight two-lane. She was doing 10 below the 45 speed limit, and every time I tried to pass, she accelerated, I gave up, and then she slowed down again. When I decided to make a determined attempt, she accelerated all the way to 65, but I made it past her at 70, and was immediately nailed by radar. The cop claimed sympathy, but wrote the ticket anyway.

          • Jean
            November 5, 2013 at 9:16 am

            Makes you want to run them off the road, doesn’t it?
            Ever wonder why all new cars have crumple zones and tinfoil for body work?

            My dad was in an accident… 50 years ago, maybe, now? He was driving some ancient (at the time!) vehicle, on I think the Tappenzee bridge during construction – all traffic was out on steel plates. It was a rain storm. And then a panic stop. Someone rear-ended a car ahead and stopped all traffic.
            Well, the car in front of Dad stopped, barely. Dad stopped, with a few inches to spare.
            And then he looked in the rearview, and there’s a garbage truck, and there’s NO WAY he’s stopping….
            So, THUMP!
            Bump.
            Crunch.
            The little import between the accident and Dad’s car? Ceased to exist.
            The truck and my dad drove away, Dad had a crimp in the bumper. That was IT for the damage…
            It’s nice to be surrounded by several tons of steel, instead of plastic, carbon fiber, fiberglass, some tin, some aluminum – all bolted together, looking for some lone nut to shatter them/scatter them across the roadway.

            Give me Mad Max any day, over the crap we have in my little Kia. It’s a deent car, but doesn’t have the space, ride, comfort or class of my parents’ old Buicks.

            And Those land yachts? You would’ve been able to get alongside and make Clover part of the scenery, and cop wouldn’t have noticed…

      • MikeFromWichita
        November 4, 2013 at 11:40 am

        yeah had that experience every school day for two years in Mukilteo , Washington. Since my work day was ended I had no reason to rush or raise my BP over the foolishness of the locals who were mutually making eachother’s long term lives unbearable in that area. The region has so very many self-important Clovers itching to control others in one area of life or another that continuously one Clover’s area of jealously guarded freedom is another Clover’s pet cause to stamp on for the ‘kids’.

        Its Clover Karma folks.

      • to5
        November 7, 2013 at 7:16 am

        The school crossing guards here in Oz are ugly women with no ankles, fat old women with no ankles, fat old men looking for a buck…… you get the idea.

        Primary school kids should only come to school by bus, so we don’t have to stop at these time wasting crossings because, well, REMEMBER THE F$%KING CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!

        Can’t having them take the initiative of crossing the street on their own………..

      • Marty
        November 8, 2013 at 11:01 am

        Ha Ha! Yeah, I’ve seen that before…

        Although in my experience what takes the cake is that I’ve been stopped by crossing guards twice for animals crossing where they happened to be – once for a dog crossing the road, and another for ducks crossing the road!

  15. frank
    November 3, 2013 at 12:15 am

    You forgot the toll booth clover(s).

    Pull up at any toll booth and the sheeple will pool up in long lines to the left when the booth on the far right always has few if any cars.

    Stay right

    • BrentP
      November 3, 2013 at 2:12 am

      Toll booth clover starts looking for change when he/she gets to the basket. Not at any time while waiting in line. Not before setting off. But only when confronted by the basket.

      At least IPass means I no longer have to deal with these clovers. (The Illinois toll road authority isn’t that great at using it for tracking, according to their clocks at some times I’ve broken the speed of light and traveled backwards in time) Back in the day of coins I would set out all the tolls before starting off. Clovers would start looking in the seat cushions after spending 15 minutes or more in the back up at a toll plaza.

      • Eightsouthman
        November 3, 2013 at 3:41 am

        BrentP, I’ll pay cash on he barrelhead for one of those backward trips…..hell, I’ll even pay for a speed of light trip…..more for the backward in time though. Govt had my computer, printer and monitor(don’t ask, who could say why they needed the monitor or even the printer)for nearly two years. Had they called and agreed to meet me in the parking lot to give it back, I “might” have gone to retrieve it but not meet them. I could always deny the call since it’s obvious they’re not doing court appointed work. I’ve dealt with off-duty pigs making money on the side, never a straight up thing and you’re gonna get fucked if they get their way.

  16. RothbardianamericanHelot
    November 2, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    Ha! EPA’s clover (a.k.a. Gil, a.k.a. MikeInWichita, a.k.a. Jerry Wolfgang [oops, that’s his handle while commenting at Economic Policy Journal and boy is he more intelligent sounding there) … EPA’s clover is, Agent Smith.

    “The Matrix can spawn one Agent Smith after another, like a machine turning out products, and still the incalculable and magical fact of consciousness endures beyond the machine. ”

    http://jonrappoport.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/the-hidden-paranormal-people/

    With luck, some of the clovers surrounding us on the road can be, enlightened.
    Something tells me it’s just going to require some hard economic times first,… or a simple realization.

  17. Charlie
    November 2, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    I took defensive driving recently to dispose of a traffic ticket. I was glad to see that they FINALLY quit telling people the wrong way to set their door mounted rear view mirrors. They had always taught people to set those mirrors so that they could see down the side of their car when viewing thru them. All this did was replicate what was in their center mounted rear view mirror, so therefore using 3 mirrors to see the same thing. Finally they have started telling people to set them properly: when a car is passing you and as it’s image begins to leave your center mount rear view mirror it should begin to appear in your side rear view, thus eliminating the so-called blind spot that they use to always refer to.
    But of course they add to add more stupid guidelines due to poor drivers: They now tell people NOT to pull into the intersection when waiting for oncoming traffic to clear when making a left turn, which of course is a totally moronic idea.
    This means the Clovers will sit thru the light forever, over and over, if traffic never clears. The whole idea of pulling into the intersection is the fact that when your light turns red, and the oncoming traffic stops, YOU have the right of way – Even tho the cross traffic now has a green light the law states that they cannot proceed until the intersection has cleared, meaning you turning left and going on your way. This new defensive driving instruction came about because too many Clovers would pull out into an intersection, and then once their light turned red, they freaked out and would not go, thus blocking the intersection.

  18. Ann R. Key
    November 2, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    The making of bratty Clover runts in Amerika:
    TV just enforces the behavior.

    http://www.lewrockwell.com/2013/10/fred-reed/the-wussification-of-boys/

  19. Whippoorwill
    November 2, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    What about the Clover driving a head of you on a one-lane road with a shoulder to the right, who signals a left turn and then moves to the utmost right side of the road into the shoulder to make the turn, making it impossible for you to pass on the right, which on this road is perfectly legal. Brings out the type A in me every time!

  20. Tomoz
    November 2, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Eric, you had me laughing out loud in so many places in this article, such as:

    “Amish hay truck”, “veteran of the Spanish American War meeting down at the legion hall”, “‘Kid’s First Plate’…consider yourself on notice”, “conga line of Clovers”, “(per the Clover Handbook), prevent anyone else from getting by him”. It’s not only the principles you are writing about that are so great, but the excellent writing style that makes these articles so appealing and entertaining!

    • eric
      November 2, 2013 at 4:31 pm

      Thanks, Tomoz!

      I aims to please!

  21. Joseph Bolz
    November 2, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    Ok Since we are both reading this my girlfriend Jan and I are going to accuse and confess of our cloverisms.
    I drive to slow, talk to much, and always seem to end up pinned in behind dump trucks when driving a car. I drive a motorcycle way to fast.

    She rubbernecks in the middle and on the wrong side of the road in historic or interesting residential neighborhoods. She never gets closer than 40 feet from the person in front of her at a stop light. She totally knows what she she is doing though.

    Pet peeve clover: Magnanimous Clover: Been sitting at the four way stop since you were a half a block away but insists you take the right of way.

    • Ed
      November 3, 2013 at 10:52 am

      “Been sitting at the four way stop since you were a half a block away but insists you take the right of way.”

      Seems that there are lots of people who don’t know how a 4 way stop is designed to work. Some will simply sit there hoping that all the other drivers will go ahead until there’s nobody else at the intersection, while some will barely slow and just blow through because all the other cars are stopped for the moment.

  22. Richard Roland
    November 2, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    I think I must be the discoverer of a species that I’ve not seen in the literature, despite it being so common (at least where I live). This kind is sitting at a stop sign ahead of me as I approach a 4-way stop. They seem to be terrified as I loom in their rear-view mirror. One might think that all the more reason to proceed. But no — evidently their primitive lizard-brain is in charge, and they behave as though I were approaching them from the front. They simply will not budge, regardless of how far back I might have been when I came into their view (even a quarter mile), until I am absolutely fully stopped behind them. Only then are they willing to depress the accelerator and proceed through the intersection. So I must needlessly stop twice. Often, they thus allow other cars to arrive from other directions and stop, who must also wait while Lizard-Brain waits for me to stop behind them. Then, of course, I must wait my turn for the others. A Lizard-Brain can add a half-minute to your travel-time.

  23. Dave P.
    November 2, 2013 at 11:57 am

    Here in Utah the there are three primary types of Clover:

    1. Making right turns from the left-turn lane or vice-versa. A sub-set of this is those who don’t even look when making turns in general. The other day I got cut off twice within 100 feet!

    2. The “Screw you wanting to merge into my lane” Clover. Getting onto the freeway around here is the scariest thing, especially at night, but this also applies to changing lanes in general. If you signal to change lanes and even begin to move over when someone in the next lane is behind you, they will NEVER SLOW DOWN to let you in. Most times, they even speed up to try and get ahead of you instead.

    3. Mostly applies to winter, but the final set is the “Driving in Snowy/Icy conditions is the same as driving under normal conditions” Clover. Every year, starting with the first big snowstorm, the accident rate spikes because people think physics of wet/icy roads don’t apply to them.

    • Dave P.
      November 2, 2013 at 12:05 pm

      Another example that is a sub-set of #2 happens at an elongated roundabout near a shopping center, though it’s more of a U-turn lane than roundabout. Getting back into traffic requires a very short window to merge into the straight lane and, as always, if there are cars coming, they do nothing to let you in, forcing either going around another “lap” of the roundabout or having to slow down and wait for an opportunity, running the risk of hindering the people behind you.

  24. Ed
    November 2, 2013 at 11:18 am

    Porky creates carnage as well. One night I was driving on I-95, cruising at 70,when suddenly traffic slowed to a crawl.. After about ten minutes of crawling, I came up on the emergency that was causing the slowdown problem in the southbound lanes.

    There was a Virginia State trooper who had someone pulled over against the northbound lanes median barrier, and he had his fucking spotlight aimed directly into the eyes of southbound drivers. There’s no way he could have failed to notice how southbound traffic had come to a crawl as blinded drivers had to nearly stop before managing to crawl past the spotlight. He simply didn’t connect the slowdown to his spotlight, or failed, utterly, to give a fuck.

    Fuckin cops. Who needs ‘em?

    • Dave P.
      November 2, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      Something similar happened to me driving home heading eastbound on I-80 one night. I’d gotten into the left lane and sped up a little to pass the guy in the right lane when, going through an underpass, I received as “warning” flash from a cop car hiding in there (since I was going over the limit to get ahead of the other guy). Well, the problem is the flash was bright, blinding, and messed up my vision for several seconds. Not exactly a good situation to be in when going 85.

    • Ann R. Key
      November 2, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      Just part of your submission training.

  25. Nuc L Head
    November 2, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Thanks for writing about the Conga-line clovers that drive me nuts every day on my way to work. There are TWO left turn lanes at an intersection and they will only use the right one, which causes traffic to back up past the choke point. Meaning another light cycle OR TWO to wait for me! The problem is that there is an office park on the right about 1/2 mile or so down the road. So all of those cubicle-dwelling clovers just HAVE TO BE in the right lane to prepare, even when the left lane is almost empty. To make matters worse these a-holes tend to not pull forward as much as they could. I am really sick of these completely self-absorbed d-bags.

  26. gruhn
    November 2, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Used to ride with a guy who spent more time in an average day yelling about people in his blind spot than the sum total of all other people over my entire life. He’d SLAM the gas then SLAM the brake then SLAM the gas then SLAM the brake… His tach would pogo. No more than 2 seconds between changes. With a great ability to overestimate the capabilities of his adversary he’d yell “I vary my speed by twenty miles an hour and he stays right there!” Super-mutant X-reactions this vile creature must surely have. My guy would be slamming the steering wheel and turning bright red, breathing like Sisyphus. Oh, his speedometer? Barely flicker. Two or three mph was about all the chance he gave it.
    I wonder what it’s like in his head that so many people are so determinedly out to get him.

    • Eightsouthman
      November 2, 2013 at 11:25 am

      gruhn, that reminds me of one of the most dangerous clovers, the “I can’t stand for you to pass me so I’ll speed up” clover. I get them all the time on the interstate. I drive 99% by the cruise so it’s infuriating as well as dangerous. What’s really bad is when I’m in a big pickup and they have to match my speed, holding me in the passing lane and there’s always someone going faster than me so that holds the whole line up. I have to increase my speed and sure, they increase their too. Then I slow down and so do they. I sometimes just let them get beside me and honk at them, point to my cruise or shoot them the bird. That’s just about the worst clover out there on divided highways. Try telling a cop you were going the speed limit and had to accelerate quite a bit just to get rid of a car dogging you. In bad traffic I’ve nearly run over countless people who just couldn’t stand the thought of a big pickup and trailer passing them so they get up in your blind spot and hang there. You’re leaning forward and then back trying to see as far to one side or the other but they’re way out there or so close you could have sex. Where’s that side facing gun when you need it? BAM Clover, OMG, what was that? It’s an .06 fool…and it went right through your trunk. Well, I can fantasize can’t I?

  27. David M. Schmidt
    November 2, 2013 at 10:34 am

    Most of my clover encounters involve sail fawns. Last week I was driving in a construction zone. Much chaos, cones, lights, heavy equipment, people running around, stop and go. Look in rear view mirror and see SUV with woman at wheel (I won’t say “driving.”). She had her sail fawn, of course, but wasn’t talking on it. She had it balanced on the top of the wheel and was looking intently into it while steadying it with both hands and, I suppose, texting. Her vehicle was moving.

    I pulled onto the shoulder and let her pass. But I still wonder what kind of mentality allows someone to do that. Even if you don’t care about rear ending somebody else, wouldn’t you at least not want to damage your own vehicle?

  28. Rudi Pets
    November 2, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Clovers annoy me more than they do most drivers because of when and where I learned to drive — in Buenos Aires, a city the size of Chicago, in the late 1940s, prior to the installation of its first traffic light. Instead of learning to drive passively by following established rules, I was taught instead the common practice to always take advantage of the road available to me. This concept — to take advantage of the road available — is as foreign to the clover’s mind as his/her indifference (or is it compulsion?) to annoying other drivers, and is a major factor in most of the above comments, all of which are right-on!

  29. November 2, 2013 at 10:15 am

    I was reading along, being mildly entertained, until I ran into your screed against SUV owners with “spayshul” tags. I am incensed! I own one of these vehicles, and am anything BUT a Clover. I picked up my 2001 Ford Expedition 4×4 at auction for a song and a dance, thinking I could flip it, and make some money. When it did not sell, I added it to my fleet of taxis as an airport shuttle, and large capacity passenger hauler. I love this thing. It has all the power and performance of the F-150 4×4 upon which it is based, plus it can haul up to seven drunks, and/or a shit-ton of cargo. I once used it to haul an 800 pound helicopter part for one of our clients (long story). As for the “spayshul” tags, this thing has a back up propane system on it, qualifying it for sky-blue “clean air” tags. This is important because it is a hall pass for the HOV lane–a major benefit for a taxi when driving in rush hour.
    I would have to say because of its comfort, reliability, power, and overall usefulness to me that this vehicle is my favorite one that I have ever owned. I was so impressed by it, that I bought a second one for our fleet as well!
    Be careful when you generalize, Eric, because not all the flowers of the field are clovers. (I think I’m more of a ragweed than anything else…)

    • BrentP
      November 2, 2013 at 1:20 pm

      Special plates have a number of reasons for being. Usually to show how enlightened and good the owner of the car is or what social groups he belongs to or how he supports the government. Or worse, how he is a member of the government club. Then there is the plate class which is for special privileges, and that’s the kind you’re running.

      Yes, I understand the business need to play the game. I am not faulting you for that, but it does include wearing a label that has perceptions that come with it. In this case not only is it the label of a clover who is showing his social enlightenment, showing how he’s ‘better’ than the rest of us for being concerned about the environment, it also confers the special privileges of using the reserved lanes that the state has set aside for this new slightly higher social class. (Remember the state aims to pit us against each other and by privileging some people over others it can do that effectively.) Thus, even though you do it for business purposes, the vast majority of others wearing that label are just doing it to be of higher social rank than the rest of us and to speed on by while those ‘lower’ than them are stuck in traffic.

      • Tomoz
        November 2, 2013 at 2:52 pm

        Absolutely, BrentP, such as the person I know who has a Chevy Volt (price subsidized by the tax payers) AND special tags that allows him to drive alone in the HOV lane simply because his air pollution comes from a coal-burning electricity plant somewhere else instead of directly out of the car’s exhaust pipe. They may as well offer HOV lane passes to people sporting Omaba/Biden bumper stickers.

  30. Linda
    November 2, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Dear Eric,

    This article came out on Friday. Great timing.

    While driving back to my house on Thursday from a grocery run, I had a clover incident .

    I was driving in an half-mile area which went from posted at 45 mph to 55 mph.
    The only vehicle in front of me was a blue van which had a sign above the back window which read “I stop at all Railroad crossings.” I thought, you’ve got to be kidding me.

    Sure enough for more than 1/2 mile into the 55 mph zone ole blue van continued traveling at 45 mph. I could see in my rear view mirror that he had a congo line forming. I figured that I and my frozen foods aren’t going stand for this pace for another 10 miles.

    I know these roads quite well, and knew if I didn’t get out from behind him, I could be driving for quite a while at this infuriating pace.

    So when we reached the RR crossing ahead and ole blue van stopped at the crossing, I crossed all the double yellows and sped past the ole blue van.

    Guess what thought came to my mind?

    My thought wasn’t concerned that the gov’t plates van might speed up and catch me. No. I thought “Eric Peters would be proud of me.”

    As I speedily traveled down the road toward home, I could see in the far distance ole blue van with his congo line slow-poking along.

    • to5
      November 7, 2013 at 7:03 am

      I look in my mirror and just laugh at all those jackshits wasting their time tagging along behind the ghostly skeletons. My next car will have a lot more power so I can pass those slow moving clovers a lot quicker than my v6 will let me.

  31. Steve Mahan
    November 2, 2013 at 9:25 am

    My least favorite is the ramp clover. You know, the one that goes to the end of the acceleration lane and has a failure of nerves. He then sits and waits for a *big* gap. He also has a very dangerous characteristic when in this position: If a following vehicle uses the ramp to accelerate, picks a gap, and merges, the ramp clover will pull out directly in front of this vehicle regardless of the difference in speeds. The clover reasons that if there’s enough time/space/room for the guy behind me, there’s enough for me too.

  32. GW
    November 2, 2013 at 8:23 am

    What about the ‘Won’t Pass PoPo” Clover….this clover was in front of me the other day on a major artery street, we in the left lane and Johnny Law in the middle lane which was backed up and moving slowly.
    WPPoPo Clover despite having a quarter mile of open road in front of him will not pass the Police car going 15 mph slower than the posted limit. WHADDUPWIDAT ARSEHOLE!
    ATTENTION ALL CLOVERS – Passing a Cop is not illegal in some circumstance – You Can Do It!

    • Jacob
      November 2, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      Yes, the “won’t pass popo” clover is another great example of cloverism.

      When I worked at gas stations doing maintenance I’d run into cops on an almost daily basis. One day I talked with a group of cops about this type of clover (except I wasn’t using the term “clover”)… sometimes cops are purposely going slow on the freeway because they’re trying to get to a car that is behind them. Thanks to sheeple being sheep, these cops can’t get to the car they’re trying to get to because all four lanes of traffic are too terrified to pass the cop who is purposely going way slower than the flow of traffic… That said, unless I’m in my work truck, I try to avoid cops on the road like the plague. I’ve seen it go both ways, but in my experience cops are more likely to “give you a pass” if you’re generating tax revenue for them in the form of working an honest job which they can only tell is an honest job because you’re wearing some sort of uniform and driving a work truck… Ah, having to tip toe around life because of the “above the law” enforcers sure screams freedom, doesn’t it?

      • Eightsouthman
        November 2, 2013 at 1:16 pm

        Jacob, I’ve always had pickups with side boxes, badass headache racks, bed rails that are heavy stuff, not window dressing, things you can put serious weight on, home made bumpers of the “hit this and total your car” variety, crossbars, etc. I was stopped at a “license and insurance” check one day, started digging in the glove compartment, full of papers of all sorts, manuals, guide books, etc. and was pulling it all out when this trooper says “This is a company truck isn’t it?”(well, it was a farm truck but had commercial tags since you can’t legally make a living doing other things with farm tags) I replied “yes”. He said Ok you can go, you have insurance. Good deal.

      • BrentP
        November 2, 2013 at 1:51 pm

        The problem with passing a cop is that we never know if that cop is also a ‘none shall pass’ clover. If he is, passing him just brings upon an encounter that is not desirable.

        Yes, I’ve passed cops who drive below the PSL but only after careful observation and choosing my moment well.

        • liberranter
          November 3, 2013 at 5:56 pm

          Good point.

          I usually assume that any porko who is doing significantly below the PSL is trolling for revenue/itching for a violent confrontation with an unarmed Mundane.

  33. November 2, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Someone ought to tell Clover that the whole point of having roundabouts is to get rid of stop signs – and the need to, you know, stop.

    Uh, no. Roundabouts only work properly when arriving traffic gives way to traffic already going round – which means stopping when necessary. Even traffic going round may need to stop to give way to trams going straight over, if there are any (this is much rarer now, with layout changes).

    • eric
      November 2, 2013 at 6:31 am

      PM,

      Of course – and I thought, obviously – I was referring to Clovers who stop when there’s no other traffic around.

  34. blake
    November 2, 2013 at 1:05 am

    Hey – Has anybody noticed that it seems that well over 50% of drivers , sorry – driver’s seat occupants, now leave a 1 1/2 to 3 car length space between them and the car ahead – while stopped at a red light?

    2 cars stopped a at a light and now nobody car get into the left turn lane – or the right turn lane. Which is a green arrow now – which would mean something if only a single car could get into it

    Clovers are time burglars. Stealing years worth of your life – 30-90 seconds at a time.

    Clovers, not “speeders” would be punished on private toll roads, where profits would be reduced when traffic if impeded – resulting in less cars (and dollars) per minute getting through any given distance. Absent any profit motive, socialist roads suck. They always will. There is no reforming them.

    Before clover takes the obvious strawman “and think of all the carnage on your private speedway toll roads…” argument, I offer you this: How much profit do you reckon a private speedway toll road generates when frequent accidents move close to zero cars per mile per minute?

    Yes – the market alternative is also safer than socialist roads.

    Think of what could be

    It’s the way too much space going zero mph clover.

    Is this just a SE Michigan thing – or is it everywhere?

    • eric
      November 2, 2013 at 5:43 am

      Hi Blake,

      Your “Clovers as time burglars” comment was sheer brilliance!

      Top drawer, sir!

  35. dom
    November 1, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    “Sometimes, Clover will even speed up – his fear of rain driving apparently having been trumped by his bottomless urge to show you who’s boss.”

    Two weeks ago I was driving home from karate practice at around 10pm. I was on the back roads near my home and I came up on a slow boater. I didn’t tailgate, never do. At the first clearing I went to make a clean pass (he was doing 35). As I came up on him he floored the pedal. Wouldn’t you know it he got up to 75mph to prevent me from passing. I had no choice but to back off. He then slammed his brakes on and came down to about 10mph, so I went to pass again. Wouldn’t you know it he did the same shit. So then I backed way off. He pretty much parked his car in the middle of the road, so I went to pass again. He pulled the same shit. At this point I was side by side with him, so I said fuck it and just came over on him. Wouldn’t you know it my clover cam was maxed out on memory at the time. All I want to do is get to where I’m going, in this case home. When people want to pass me I let them. If there are pull offs, I pull off. WTF gives..?

    • Jacob
      November 1, 2013 at 11:15 pm

      Here’s hoping that whatever that person’s problem is, persists. It will only be a matter of time before it catches up to them in the form of them fucking with someone who doesn’t have the restraint you do.

      Some one who cut me off while I was riding my bike, ran over my fucking foot at the next light because I blew past them on my bike. I didn’t flip them off, or even make eye contact with them, I just revved the bike hard and passed them…so they attempted to break my fucking leg (and as of now, they are still “getting away with it”. And no, I didn’t call the cops on them, but I do have their license plate number and their image burned into my brain after I chased after them for a few miles…caught up with them on the freeway then backed off because I work for a fucking living and had to get to work, at my new job, on time…). Lots of dipshits out there who have no idea the only reason they’re able to be dipshits is because of the government fucking people like us, who might attempt some street justice…then again, they are probably fully aware of this fact… one more reason to hate the government…

      • Jacob
        November 1, 2013 at 11:16 pm

        Sociopaths.

      • ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N
        November 1, 2013 at 11:28 pm

        Jacob, print out their number plate and put it over yours if you have a car, then blast through every speed and red light cam you can find. They might get out of it, but not after a lot of explaining and evidence.

        I did this all the time around Melbourne – which conveniently has a zillion cameras. Someone fecks me around these days, they’re likely to be hunted as criminals by the next day.

      • November 2, 2013 at 10:25 am

        My friend Pete was on his bike when some idiot cut him off and nearly killed him. Pete simply pulled up alongside the guy, leaned his bike slightly and proceeded to kick a huge dent in the fool’s door with his Redwing boot.

        • Horse Badorties
          November 3, 2013 at 11:02 pm

          Similar story, with a twist: Irvine, CA in the 80’s, when we were in college – a friend on a motorcycle had a BMW roll through a T intersection stop sign without looking in a housing development, 35mph posted, maybe 45. He bumped my friend J and forced the bike into the center divider curb. As J is struggling to keep the bike up, the driver slows down, checking the mirror – then speeds off. J recovers and is now seeing red and flushed with adrenaline – so he pursues. Catches up to the guy as he pulls into his driveway. J gets off and approaches the car – he’s short but powerfully built, thick leather jacket and full face helmet.

          So J is busy slamming the driver’s head onto the hood of his own car, when he feels a firm tap on the shoulder. It’s a cop, who says, “I saw the whole thing. That’s probably enough, you can go now.” Weird because even back then it was common knowledge that Irvine police were basically paid security for the wealthier residents.

          • eric
            November 4, 2013 at 6:09 am

            Hi horse,

            Now that’s a good story . . . well, a good ending.

            These days, it would have ended differently – with your friend probably Tazered/shot for doing as he did while the BMW asshole would escape all punishment and probably wind up successfully suing your friend.

          • BrentP
            November 4, 2013 at 2:28 pm

            Today such acts of adrenaline are only understandable if a cop does them, and then it’s taken to extremes. The slightest thing becomes life and death for a cop justifying deadly force while for a non-cop something that really did nearly kill someone is ‘no reason’ to do anything, even so much as verbalizing one’s displeasure.

    • ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N
      November 1, 2013 at 11:24 pm

      Ah yes Dom, control freak clover. I’ve met several over the years but their tail lights aren’t as motorcycle-boot-proof as they think. Haven’t come across one in my car yet. Shame your mem was maxed out. Woulda made a great present to the pigs. They love evidence.

    • Jacob
      November 1, 2013 at 11:35 pm

      Ah, too much negativity flowing through my mind. Let’s talk about the positives. I say, we all give the next sociopathic clover (sociopathic clovers, has that been officially listed yet?), a love letter! Straight from our fucking hearts, fuckers. :)

    • liberranter
      November 3, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      Dom, you’re a better man than I am. I would have run that fucker right off the road.

  36. ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N
    November 1, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Another brilliant article Eric.

    “Probably, the advent of the automatic transmission is inadvertently responsible for the proliferation of this species of Clover – since it made it possible for people who otherwise couldn’t drive at all to pretend they can.”

    My thoughts exactly. Herky Jerky Clover describes my older sister very well. The frustration of being a passenger with her is almost overwhelming – to the point I feel like exiting the car at the next intersection.

    My younger sister.. well, she used to tailgate within inches, slam on the brakes and curse when the car ahead slowed by 0.0002k’s. Of course, she never understood the physics that being so close requires her to have the reaction times of a trailer. Since she’s moved to rural Tasmania, she and her boyfriend are nannies on the road, of which many are dirt and single lane. They panic and curse the oncoming car to “slow down idiot” if it’s doing more than snail’s pace [sigh].

    Recently I’ve had several clovers in front of me crawling (and slowing) towards a green light, then stopping when it goes yellow. If the next lane’s clear I swerve around them and make my turn.

    Some years ago I was driving my forklift service van, full of parts and tool boxes early one morning, behind another car and we both wanted to turn at the green arrow. Ten feet from the line the arrow goes yellow and this idiot decides to slam on the brakes. I managed to stop inches from his backside but felt all the tools and parts slide up against the cab. What a moron, considering I was more than 2 seconds behind him. If I was any more loaded up, I woulda crushed him.

    I believe that red light cams are purely responsible for this, although many of these intersections don’t have one, lazy clovers act like this “just in case”.

    Once again Eric, another brilliant article. You’ll never cover all the cloveristic tendencies, because they make it up as they go – if they go at all.

    • Ed
      November 1, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      ” I believe that red light cams are purely responsible for this”

      I think so too. Chesterfield county, Va has installed the cameras in suburban shopping areas and it’s now common practice to stop for the caution lights because, as the old Hoyt Axton song said, “that yellow light only lasts for a tenth of a second”.

      Chesterfield county is nicknamed “Arresterfield county”. They have a huge police force, writing tickets and cuffing people 24/7/365.

      • Eightsouthman
        November 1, 2013 at 9:18 pm

        Rev, Ed, I worked for the state hiway dept. when I was 19-20 and amber lights were set up on a timer depending on posted speed limits for the main part. Then in 1980 I started doing electrical work and low and behold one of the things we did was signal light work. We could never convince the genius city managers to let us set up lights so they’d all be coordinated. But amber lights historically have been timed(as in amount of time it’s on) to the speed of traffic and now in many places it seems like they are very short. Yes, better brakes now, but better reaction times? And then there’s the poor liquid hauler who can lock her up and almost stop but that surge keeps eek eek eeek sliding those tires just a little, enough to jack granny up in her Camry. Damn, why does physics always have to rear it’s ugly head?
        eric, stay out of that damned cow’s pasture….what are you thinking?

        • ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N
          November 1, 2013 at 9:31 pm

          Eight, it’s a fact that at many intersects with cams, the yellow is purposely shortened for purely revenue reasons. Many US counties have been caught doing this. It’s all over Google.

          • GW
            November 2, 2013 at 8:00 am

            Case in point Hillsborough County and most all of Flori-Duh. State DOT issued a minimum 3 second recommendation so all these jackholes in the counties interpreted the minimum to be the “required” standard – at least that was how the press butchered the language to try to justify the counties action – it was the most annoying “investigative report” I have ever seen because they were trying to play both sides – ie the people versus the DOT.
            In the end the counties added a whopping .03 seconds on to the minimum yellow.
            Now, I don’t even attempt to stop anymore – I just floor it.
            It is definitely all about the money!

          • to5
            November 7, 2013 at 6:32 am

            Many AUSTRALIAN gubbermints do this also, shorten the yellow lights. Great excuse to use on a red light ticket dished out by a scamera.

            Eric has covered the clovers well. I was going to write an article on Oz clovers but no need to. At least in my area it is possible to get around these clovers.

            But it’s all about safety…………. that scummy word meant to protect small minds……………………

            • eric
              November 7, 2013 at 6:54 am

              Hi To,

              I’m actually working on an eBook (maybe hard copy also) on Cloverism!

    • RothbardianamericanHelot
      November 1, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N wrote, “I believe that red light cams are purely responsible for this, although many of these intersections don’t have one, lazy clovers act like this “just in case”.”

      Yes. I agree the presence of the cameras is a motivating factor, however; the bureaucrats, the politicians, the lobbyist, and the clover supporters are the reason.
      And please consider this: Not all of those who stop on yellow are clovers.

      Some have just had enough of paying them fines and are doing as BrentP does in The Windy City by going ‘by the book’ and then some.

      I do it too now. The fuck, if I’m paying them any more money. They want compliance, they’ll get it, and then some. The bastards.

      …Well, I don’t always do it. It’s mostly only where I think a camera or a cop lurks, those damn autotrons. But most of the time I just get this attitude of, I refuse to give them a reason to get more of my money.

      Anyway, this was a fine article, wasn’t it? A perfect blend of funny and serious.
      And who was that hot, clover-acting chick in the photo? Wow.

      I’ll have to think of her the next time,… just before I blow my cool and cuss out the clover driver in front of me doing something like, ‘the clover wave’ (stopping in moving traffic while waving in a vehicle that’s yielding until we pass by) then maybe I won’t cuss? .. Or, maybe not?

      A pretty clover, now that’s an ugly thought.

      Hope that made sense, I’m frigging tired from a ten hour shift and all day I’ve thought about what that one fella on the west coast wrote, paraphrasing, “I’m just working so I can afford to keep working”.

      Whoa man, there’s a whole lotta that going on these days, and a lot of them aren’t very happy about the situation. …They’re ripe for being taken advantage of, and being manipulated too. ,,.Oh, sorry, I digress. /End.

      • Jacob
        November 1, 2013 at 11:03 pm

        “A pretty clover, now that’s an ugly thought.”

        Some of the most ruthless supporters of tyranny I’ve ever come across in my personal life, have been good looking people. I think they’ve convinced themselves that because they are in the top percentile of popularity due to their looks (that they do indeed work hard to maintain, I say that just to give credit where credit is certainly do. I am currently “in shape” but I know what a pain in the ass it is to get back in shape or maintain the shape) that they are automatically more intelligent than the rest of society.

        I’ve mentioned this here before, but one example that stands out in my mind is a good looking chick I went to high school with. She does cocaine, and plenty of other drugs, and thinks I should have my house raided by the cops simply because I own firearms. I’m praising the heavens that she does drugs that cause much harm in the long run, because I can relish in the fact she won’t be so good looking for long. But alas, there are plenty of young, good looking drug addicts that worship the government to take her place. Welfare recipients come to mind… why work when someone else can do it “for you”.

        Keep on with the keepin’ on dude. I think about this shit all the time when I’m busting my ass… thinking about all the people that are sitting around doing jack shit all thanks to people like me… hard to be optimistic but despite the pessimistic outlook, this shit can’t go on forever. But back to pessimism…will we die before we see “it” stopping? Lots of good people already have… Honestly, the only reason I don’t get myself on the government’s dole is not just that I know better, but because of my god damned integrity. Damn you, integrity!

        • dom
          November 1, 2013 at 11:17 pm

          Couldn’t help but think of this scene:

          • Jacob
            November 1, 2013 at 11:27 pm

            A great scene. All that clip needs is the explanation that Butch beats the other dude to death (it’s been a couple years since I’ve seen Pulp Fiction…pretty sure he beats the dude to death)…. then the scene with Marcellus getting fucked by “Zed” only to be saved by Butch. Ah, such a materpiece.

        • RothbardianamericanHelot
          November 1, 2013 at 11:25 pm

          Jean wrote, “She does cocaine, and plenty of other drugs, and thinks I should have my house raided by the cops simply because I own firearms. ”

          I met her mirror, and her brother, and her ten friends of like mind.

          They simply sicken me, as it seems there’s no hope in using rational dialogue with them. They’re as bad as MIW, er I mean Gil, er I mean clover. Or perhaps they’re worse because they are such double-standard hypocrites, who want us all dead, while acting friendly to our faces

          Ok, I’m offline, Saturday is a workday.

          • Jean
            November 3, 2013 at 8:55 pm

            Damn work days – that was Jacob, not me. ;-)
            I never knowingly associated with those who did drugs.
            I was a “good boy.”

            Then found out that was as useful as being a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 9:16 pm

            jean, golly, you sound a bit jaded…..and then you met me personally and they’re shitting twice the brick…..we gotta put transponders in both these fuckers so we’ll know when they’re in close proximity…. These are two imaginations we absolutely cannot confer…..and we already have. GUNS UP! CHEMICALS UP! PSYCHES UP! HEART RATES UP! Now let’s get that plan finalized.

          • Jean
            November 3, 2013 at 9:48 pm

            8South,
            If you’re ever in the People’s Socialist State of MAsshole-two-shits, look me up. ;-) Near Bean town.

            Plans never survive first contact.
            We’ll just have to figure out who are the worst and work our way down a list as time permits…
            Might take years.

            Meantime, need to look up methods of making mortars.. It’s Mortar Kombat! ;-)

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 10:17 pm

            jean, you figure out the worst, then the easiest of those or the worst compared to complications. I might go that way since I suspect they think I’ll head towards the border or west toward Ca. since there is some serious nowhere territory that way. Of course I’ll first have to get past EP but I think a detour through NM would cover most of that. I don’t want to smuggle anything but me…..but then again, I’m hard to hide.

      • Ed
        November 1, 2013 at 11:43 pm

        “I’m just working so I can afford to keep working”.

        That’s the case with so many small businesses today, especially independent retailers. Before WWI, the path to the good life could be opening a shop. The whole family would work and save, and expand, eventually buying or building their own building to get out from under the landlord, and the business could grow. That’s how department stores came into being, from small retail startups.

        Naturally, the Chamber of Commerce became a fixture in every town and city, with the political entrepreneurs getting busy bribing the city politicians for legislation and codes which would confer an advantage on the asshole handing over the bribe. The Smith brothers would bribe a city councilman, who was on the make so he could afford to stop wearing the pants to one suit with the coat from another one. The city councilman would get an ordinace passed that would make the Jones Brothers’ stree one way and kill their traffic so the Smiths could gain some more of the market.

        The CoC asshats didn’t realize that when you bribe a politician, he owns you instead of the other way around. You’ve given him influence that he didn’t have before and he’s going to use it for himself, not for you.

        Now, the politicians have all the power they need to feather their own nests and the retailers who handed the politicians their power don’t have a place to hang their hats anywhere in the city. The layers of regulation and laws have made it nearly impossible to start a small retail business and work it until it grows into something bigger. The rents, city owned utilities and city regulations kill most small retail startups within a few years. The city becomes a wasteland as far as shopping goes.

        You can see it in any downtown where the independent department store buildings still exist. Those buildings are now owned by the city governments and are sold to developers who convert them into “luxury apartments” or are used by the city governments as handovers(for bribes, of course) to banks and insurance corporations to be razed so a high rise can go up.

        The parasite has nearly killed the host.

        • Hot Rod
          November 2, 2013 at 12:17 am

          Ed you are exactly right on the town businesses and the politicians. On top of that losing proposition of buy me if you can is the permanent government (executive/judicial/enforcer) busy bodies.

          Of course these people are the real authoritarians. Nothing like taking a man that couldn’t even make minimum wage in the free market and give him the power over intelligent businessmen. These dudes make Al Capone look like your kind old grandpa, mostly because their moral busybodies never rest. BTW ebay is full of the minimum wage rakers who like to disturb well to do businesses just so they can. When Ebay fails and it will because of bad business methods, all these losers will get government jobs in the permanent government so they can “regulate” us.

          Add to that the permanent government worker’s and family get special priviledges in say starting businesses and license. Even a politician doesn’t have it so good as he might get bucked out of office, though many times the politician is related to these same evil kin folk I’m talking about.

          As I always say its a short life, hope they enjoy the fruits of their thuggery here.

          • Hot Rod
            November 3, 2013 at 4:10 pm

            Ed I’m embarassed to say that I was rather ignorant on the real Tombstone history until now. I did have the commonsense though to second guess the Hollywood version as being B.S. Thanks for the confirmation of reality.

            Regards,
            HR

          • Hot Rod
            November 3, 2013 at 4:12 pm

            The following comment belongs in the thread below.

            HR

          • Jacob
            November 3, 2013 at 4:12 pm

            “I was rather ignorant on the real Tombstone history until now. ”

            That makes two of us. I never gave it much thought before.

        • Hot Rod
          November 2, 2013 at 12:28 am

          Ed I bet you and I probably think very similarly. I’m wondering have you ever watched one of those Tombstone movies you know with Wyatt Earp and thought that guy was a real scumbag? To me Tombstone was the classical authoritarian shithole, top down owned town we are talking about.

          Most of history favors the statist when you know that the real story is that they were 98% lkely the problem. And I’m not just saying that because he was Sheriff and I have something against cops, because everyone knows in here I’m probably the most lax about true peacekeepers. You know if Hollywood tries to sweeten the pot, its got to be poison. Welcome to Tombstone—America.

          • Ed
            November 2, 2013 at 10:05 am

            Yes, HR, Earp and his brothers were criminals. They circumvented local laws by getting themselves deputized as US Marshalls, and ran crooked gambling saloons, murdered competitors, and disarmed private citizens.

            The days of exclusive radical republican rule following the Confederate surrender was accurately called the Tragic Era. The “hero” propaganda created as cover for the massive criminality still exists today, fostered by Hollywood and the public schools.

            The Earps and other US Marshalls have been accorded hero status by court historians, the same gang who established the Lincoln mythology.

          • Hot Rod
            November 2, 2013 at 2:00 pm

            I agree and when you think about it, tyrants always work on the same principle. First disarm the competition and then monopolize everything else will surely follow. The fact is that all these badges make me skeptical, its really about giving someone a monopoly of force. After that its only reasonable that those connected to the badges will end up owning and controlling everything and everybody else.

            To be honest that is my observation of all towns and cities is that they are owned by people who own the badges. Yeah they may have a few successfull entrepeneurs paying the bills, but in the end its the parasites with the monopoly of force that live for free off the backs of the many.

            All the other stuff such as Mayors and politicians are just background noise. I’ll give you just one of 20 cases of my past to prove it. We used to RV to a town called Quartzsite years ago (not anymore), and the whole town is owned by the badges and city council. The local business and mayor even tried to fix the corruption and embezzlement using the law to open the government books, and the cops shut him down.

            Go to any small town and you will see the same thing I’m talking about. The local business men sponsor and advertise for consumers and visitors to come in a spend their money of free will. And the cops will be perusing the same parking lots and ticketing in masses on the same day. In small towns its very obvious that the well to do are connected to the police. And its the same in the cities too, just you don’t correlate it as easily. And I’m not saying every cop is a bad guy, simply the good guy who wants to be a “peace keeper” is in fact just used by the Wyatt Earps to steal from the productive.

            Also if a man has ever got a speeding ticket in a small town speed racket, when going into the court to contest you will find how the judicial is in fact an appendage of the executive like everything else. I believe Mao was right that all power comes from the end of a barrel.

            It does not surprise me that the court historians and Hollywood has conviced American of the lie of Wyatt Earp and Lincoln, who else also advocates that all the peasants be disarmed the most?

          • Ed
            November 2, 2013 at 7:55 pm

            HR, part of the Tombstone tale that is seldom told is that the Earps experienced such blowback after their OK Corral shootout that they were basically chased from the Arizona territory.

            The ridiculous film with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer made it look as though Wyatt and Doc avenged the death of Morgan, but that’s bullshit. The Earps went to California and finished their days. Doc croaked from TB and that, as they say, was that.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 4:45 pm

            The Earps and Wild Bill HIckok made their living from others, ripping them off any way they could. I have a problem in Deadwood showing Wild Bill for something he wasn’t, a decent guy if you left him alone, not the truth at all. He went to the poker table meaning to win no matter. I know those types. Looking in their eyes is similar to looking at a snake. It’s just operating on a kill or be killed basis, nothing much else there.
            I once almost went into the ostrich/rhea business but spent enough time around them to realize it really wasn’t for me. Looking in their eyes is like looking into the eyes of that snake, nothing there but sheer instinct and survival, no bonding or anything else. They’ll peck your eyes out just because they’re shiny, think it’s something they might eat and attack for purely instinctual reasons. We used to have wild ostriches and rheas all over this country, guess the hogs ate them or their eggs.

            True story. A friend and I had been dove hunting and headed down a FM road going home. We topped a hill and there’s a rhea running along the shoulder(grass) of the road, probably because the pickup scared it or who knows. I slow down and pace it. The thing is running about 25mph….steady…..so I keep pacing it and it keeps running. Every now and again, it’s head would turn and stare into our eyes, real strange and we’d laugh every time. That’s a weird bird and I ran this thing for 1/2 mile before it started veering off into a pasture, still running. Something was said about shooting it and then we looked at each other and said, Nope, too tough. Who wants to clean a 200 lb bird anyway? Well, a dinosaur to be exact.

    • eric
      November 2, 2013 at 6:55 am

      Thanks, Rev!

      I wish I could say it was my pleasure….

  37. Eric_G
    November 1, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Granddad was a herkey-jerkey clover. Only time I ever threw up in a car was in the back of his 1974 Grand Prix.

    • Eightsouthman
      November 1, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      Eric, reminds me of my grandma driving my grandpa’s pickup. We got to the stop sign and she almost stopped without clutchin, then while still rolling gassed it hitting the floor starter in the process and it started up in 2nd and away we went. I think she was in 2nd across town and back(7-8 blocks). I tried not to laugh since I knew how to drive even though I was small. This would have you believe she drove an auto. Not then, later though.

    • Jacob
      November 1, 2013 at 8:28 pm

      My grandma (dad’s side) was herky jerky. Apparently some car mechanic told her, a couple decades ago, that if you quickly accelerate and brake quickly, your transmission will last longer. Now that I’m typing this out and thinking about it again, this mechanic had to have been screwing with her…. that said, she believed it…so when the light is green you hit the gas hard…when the light is red you slam the brakes’….

      P.S. She died of natural causes, not of a car accident :p

      P.P.S. May anyone who screws with an old person’s thoughts, especially a woman’s, burn in hell.

      • GW
        November 2, 2013 at 7:49 am

        Years ago a couple of my buddies who worked at a gas station had a lady come in and said she needed the air in her tires “changed” – she was under the impression that the air actually had to be changed in order to get them to last…

        • November 2, 2013 at 8:45 am

          During the war, a mechanic told my father about a new kind of tyre that would never go flat, because instead of having a positive pressure it was designed to work with a vacuum; any puncture would let air in and so make it harder. It is unclear if the mechanic really believed it or was trying (unsuccessfully) to fool my father.

          For what it’s worth, in the hard years after 1918 the Germans improvised tyre replacements for bicycles by strapping coil springs around the rims of the wheels, with the spirals going around the circumference.

        • Tomoz
          November 2, 2013 at 2:20 pm

          GW, was her next request to “rotate the oil”?

  38. Ed
    November 1, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    Is it just me or is there a fucking troll in here trying to pretend he isn’t Gil?

  39. MikeFromWichita
    November 1, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Clover“Ultimately, Cloverism is a function of density. The more people in a given area, the greater the number of Clovers ”

    Sooooo Eric the solution is obvious- go somewhere that you have a cow pasture to drive in all by yourself and work off your rage at others for daring to get in your way. YOU won’t be missed and the Roads will be safer with one more nut out of circulation.Clover

    • eric
      November 1, 2013 at 6:03 pm

      Mike,

      You accuse me of “rage” – yet you’re the one who serially advocates violence against people who’ve harmed no one.

      Res ipsa loquitur

      • MikeFromWichita
        November 2, 2013 at 7:20 pm

        CloverEric you are delusional. Get some on some meds before you harm yourself or others.

        • eric
          November 2, 2013 at 7:43 pm

          Poor old Clover … can’t respond with reason or logic. Just insults.

          And threats.

          That’s all you’ve got.

          Which is why you’re a Clover, Mike.

          • Ed
            November 2, 2013 at 7:59 pm

            “Which is why you’re a Clover, Mike. ”

            Oops, I mean Gil. ;-)

        • Jean
          November 3, 2013 at 8:53 pm

          Mike,
          You’re talking to the wrong person, screaming at Eric.

          You want to play for blood, I’m the one you talk to…
          I am not Libertarian, and have no delusions about what I am or where I’m going.
          So, still in Wichita, Kansas, or one of the other Wichitas scattered around the country?

    • dom
      November 1, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      I think it’s time to put MikeFromWichita on the “pay per reply” program just like clover.

      • Ed
        November 2, 2013 at 7:41 pm

        dom, how ’bout $20 per post since he’s Gil the Shill using a sockpuppet ID?

  40. Ann R. Key
    November 1, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    LOL! Was just in a situation where the state parasites were mowing grass on the side of the road and a Clover would not pass by because of a double line…Unbelievable mayhem as all cars behind the unthinking/obedient government-worshiping runt angrily pulled out to pass.

    • Eightsouthman
      November 1, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      Ann, what a weak mind Clover has. I’ve run a mower/shredder more than I care to remember and I get just as far away from them as possible, over on the far shoulder if I can. I’ve seen what looked like a bomb go off and watched dirt explode in a line for a hundred feet or more(and then those you never find) when a 30 lb blade comes off,scares me on the tractor knowing it could come from behind….but at least on the tractor you’re hopefully too close to have it skip and fly up. I have had things go Boom so loud I’d nearly jump off, look around and see a 1″ hole in the welded wire behind me…..hair roams around on top of your head for awhile after that.

    • eric
      November 1, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      Hi Ann,

      Living in a rural area, I have to deal with that scenario frequently. It never fails to boggle (and infuriate) me. Clover will obediently piddle along at the pace of the mower/tractor – and will also leave 50-plus yards between it and him, making it that much harder for anyone behind the Clover possessed of initiative to attempt a pass.

  41. Boothe
    November 1, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    This morning on the way to work, following a good friend and coworker, we were both assaulted by “Crossover Clover.” First of all, we’re dealing with a person who can’t decide between a mini-van, an SUV or a car so they buy a vehicle for the chronically indecisive: a crossover. With that in mind the rest of this should come as no surprise. “It” pulls out of Wendy’s parking lot, angles across both lanes of traffic cutting off my buddy in a mid size sedan (we’re both motorheads, so I could feel his hackles going up). Then “it ” acts like it’s going into the left turn lane, changes its mind and swerves back into the left lane (never signalling) and then slows down as “it” approaches a green light at the next intersection.

    As we cross that intersection, where the road narrows back down to two lanes, “it” slows down even more to <25 in a 35. At this point, my buddy gets pissed, nails it and blows past "Crossover Clover" in what's left of the right merge lane before it can even think about responding. I'd run out of room and was now idling behind this moron at 20 MPH, evoking the high beam in the rearview response from me. At which point "Crossover Clover" puts on its left turn signal riding along with two wheels in my lane and two in the center turn lane and finally turns into the Sonic parking lot! All of this occurred in under a 1/4 mile. We can only hope that this Clover's fast food addiction renders it sufficiently obese, diabetic and otherwise physically incapacitated that it will soon be residing in a state run home for the chronically Obamunistic and not behind the wheel. Heaven forbid that it reproduces before that happens, but since it stopped at two fast food joints….

    • Eightsouthman
      November 1, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      Boothe, what’s really hell? Behind this sick shits in a pickup pulling a trailer. I have almost built a front bumper capable of shoving these people into the next county and never showing a mark, think, tire tread on the leading edge paint just wipes off of,2″ heavywall pipe from back on the frame to the outer corner.

      • Garysco
        November 1, 2013 at 4:32 pm

        @8 – If you build it for my Chevy I’ll go back and drive around the LA freeway system with it. The cubie dwellers will freak and request CHP assistance for that 5150 old man. If you see something, say something.

        • Eightsouthman
          November 1, 2013 at 4:42 pm

          What year, color? Just so long as you get it all on video.

  42. Werner
    November 1, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    “It may be the fluoridation of the water.”

    Well, I think it is one contributing factor to cloverism. Drinking water which has an aggressive non natural chemical added to it for decades is a bad idea, since the stuff accumulates in the pineal gland. This gland is located in the head, people!

    Brush your teeth with fluoridated tooth paste and spit it out!

    • Ed
      November 1, 2013 at 12:52 pm

      Werner, better yet, I avoid flouride altogether. To me, the idea that applying flouride to my teeth will deter cavities, isn’t convincing.

      • Jean
        November 1, 2013 at 1:22 pm

        It won’t. Better to just avoid the sugar that’s so ubiquitous in our diet today. Also the grains (which are digested into sugars as early as the mouth, and alcohols, too.)

        BTW, the “flouride” study looked at a VERY small sample in a place with heavy calcium deposits in the water. It somehow drew the conclusion that flouride (which was part of the calcium salt) was good for tooth enamel by causing calcium absorption/adhesion.

        Our toothpaste conatins a form of flouride which comes from producing Aluminum, and is toxic waste at the Aluminum plant…

        Somehow I do not think these are the same thing…

      • Werner
        November 1, 2013 at 4:37 pm

        Yes, I agree! The natural fluoride which is found in water is calcium fluoride. The sodium fluoride used in tooth paste is of a pharmaceutical grade, the stuff dumped in the tap water is hexafluorosilicic acid, a waste by=product from the phosphate fertilizer industry, sometime also from the aluminum industry. It is typically contaminated with traces of arsenic, lead, mercury and some other exotic poisons. It is unrefined and potentially harmful if ingested for a long time.

        Do we swallow sun screen lotion in order to prevent skin cancer? No.

        Can’t believe that people allow their freedom to choose un-medicated water to be taken away from them!

        Chlorination is for treating water, fluoridation is for treating patients which happen to be drinking it and showering with it.

        • ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N
          November 1, 2013 at 9:05 pm

          Heh.. Remember on the Simpsons “The Great Book of British Smiles”?

          In any case, I’m in a bit of disagreement on this. I remember having some small cavities as a child and I never brushed my teeth – sugar high diet.. Used to eat it by the cupful in front of the telly. Such fond memories..

          Anyway, I remember starting to brush my teeth and the small cavities repaired themselves. I kid you not. Probably because they were only in the outer layer of the tooth. As an adult, I need to change brands every 6 months to retain some benefit.

          As for flouride and brain tissue.. Haven’t studied anything on that so will not entertain argument there.

        • Jean
          November 3, 2013 at 8:31 pm

          Matters very little, actually:
          The crap in sunscreen is absorbed through the skin. It may be the CAUSE of the cancers we see in melanoma.
          Look up Transdermal method of medication delivery: The Patch is the big one, but estrogen is also delivered that way.

          And we absorb the fluoride through the mouth, too. Sublingual method of absorption – also used in hormone delivery, and nicotine.

          Point of these methods is to avoid the “first pass” effect of oral delivery. The liver filters a great deal of the medication out of the blood. (That’s the purpose of the liver.) ;-)

          By dropping the liver from the delivery route, the potency of the medicine is increased.
          And if you keep the vitamin D from forming in the skin, you get less of several hormones and more bone problems…

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 8:59 pm

            Jean, I like the sub-lingual homeopathic pills I take for sinuses, etc. I’m not a big fan of transdermal though since external and physical conditions of the body both affect their delivery. I’ve seen people use patches in really hot conditions where sweating was profuse and get a big OD from them. Then there’s the freezing your butt off, being really physically subdued and just not getting anything. I just get burned for the most part and it plays hell with my skin but I don’t use sunblock unless it’s an extreme situation where I know I’ll have serious damage if I don’t. I can’t get it across to almost anybody including my wife who’ll rag me to put on sunblock. I’d rather have a medium burn than use it. She’ll tell me I’m gonna get cancer burning like that. I probably will anyway but it will be from all the chemicals I’ve had on and in my body from a young age. Wheee, chase the DDT sprayer down the alley and wow, feel real funny after a while. I finally bought a gas mask 25 years ago to avoid the various pesticide/herbicide damage and then had the feds try to crucify me for having one. It’s a wonderful life!

          • RothbardianamericanHelot
            November 3, 2013 at 9:13 pm

            Eightsouthman wrote, “the sub-lingual homeopathic pills I take for sinuses”

            The two of us used to suffer from allergies. The better half would get sinus infections. I, much less so, usually only suffering in the Spring and Fall. Like clockwork for decades. I thought the worst was from ragweed pollen.

            Three years ago we started taking vitamins and minerals. Stuff like magnesium and zinc.

            Neither of us has had so much as a sniffle since then.

            Just thought I’d mention that in case someone is suffering needlessly and thinking that the poison called Benydryl is a solution.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 9:20 pm

            Roth, I used to take mag. but had a problem with zinc. So these things work for sinuses? I could step down my zinc dosage since mostly what it did was heat me up. Wait, I’m thinking niacin, vit. B? right?

          • RothbardianamericanHelot
            November 3, 2013 at 9:25 pm

            It could be the mag, it could be the zinc, it could be vitamin B12, I don’t know.
            All I know is, I – we – suffered for years, then it was gone like a light switch was turned off.
            And the only thing that was different was taking vitamins and minerals.

          • RothbardianamericanHelot
            November 3, 2013 at 9:33 pm

            Oh, and yeah, that niacin will heat a person up, big time. A person I was with that took that thought they were having a heart attack,… until we read the warnings.
            It was funny, then.

            Zinc never bothered me except for sometimes I’d get a bit of an upset stomach if I had it on an empty stomach.
            I take around 12mg of zinc, when I can.

            And mag, well, it has certain after effects, too.
            I found a brand that has 1:1 ratio with calcium, and the mag level is so low it has no after effect. …For me, anyway.

            And B12 is like taking a speeder sometimes.
            It turns … it has effects too, but they are nothing. Just a change in fluid color if you take a little too much.

            That’s my experience, anyway.

            I wonder, Am I going to jail for sharing this?

          • Jean
            November 3, 2013 at 10:06 pm

            RAH,
            Look at the type of niacin you take.
            Time-release is (IIRC) Nicotannic Acid.
            Niacinimide is the one that causes flushing and acts as a MAJOR Vasodilator.
            Also, the woman found out that it’s a bitch on cholesterol, cleaning the arteries quite nicely. Reduces the “bad” cholesterol, though the two types work together to repair cell damage. IIRc, “Bad” cholesterol, the fluffy stuff, seals internal injuries. It’s meant as a temporary fix. The “good” cholesterol, the heavy, thick stuff – it seals the damage and assists new cell growth.

            But, better double check my memory. I’m getting hassled IRL to do something OTHER than the computer – though it’s the first time I’ve picked one up all weekend. I must entertain the biggest child in my life. ;-)

          • RothbardianamericanHelot
            November 3, 2013 at 10:09 pm

            Due to the order the comment posted in, you might take it I meant the mag, zinc or b12 caused your hot flush. That’s not what I meant.
            I imagine you figured that out though.
            I’m up wayy to late. I’m done.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 10:10 pm

            Roth, yeah you’re going to jail and I’m going back but it’s free room and board and the nicest people you’d never want to meet(the staff) and the food is great, why, with iced tea, that makes one thing you can stand to swallow. The staff provides all the supplements you can stand.

          • RothbardianamericanHelot
            November 3, 2013 at 10:20 pm

            Cholesterol isn’t the blocker it’s made out to be, Jean. Saying cholesterol blocks arteries is like saying we need more inflation and money printing.
            It’s calcium that’s the problem.

            Resolving the Calcium Conundrum

            http://archive.lewrockwell.com/sardi/sardi175.html

            See also,

            The Man Who Cured Heart Disease With a Natural Molecule, 20 Years Before Cholesterol Drugs!

            http://archive.lewrockwell.com/sardi/sardi149.html

            That’s not to say niacin won’t help.
            And thanks for the info on that.
            Now that’s it, I must be going, I’m freaking exhausted and 4 a.m. is just around the corner.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 10:25 pm

            jean, I forgot, entertain both of you, could be lots of fun.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 10:56 pm

            roth, here’s to you in the morning. Hope you have some energy. I detest time changes and thanks for the info.

          • Jean
            November 4, 2013 at 9:12 am

            RAH,
            Correct on the calcium connection, the cholesterol is just “glue” to get thigns patched ASAP. The calcium deposits that form in there, THEY are the bigger problem. IIRC, they don’t go away too well. And the cholesterol doesn’t get cleaned away and replaced with the next-level of repairs once the two matrice into a “brick wall”.

            :-)
            Hope you got some sleep. Mornings and Mondays suck as it is…

      • Eightsouthman
        November 2, 2013 at 7:59 pm

        Ed, you are so jaded, never believe anything told to you. If I had been that way, those half dozen quarters every year wouldn’t have been there from the tooth fairy. I was the only one in my class that talked like Gabby Hayes…..but I had some silver.

        • Ed
          November 2, 2013 at 8:23 pm

          8, you had you some silver but you ain’t had you no teefis. ;-)

          • Eightsouthman
            November 2, 2013 at 8:34 pm

            az aigh eh, ur oin?

          • Ed
            November 2, 2013 at 8:37 pm

            Twat you say? I cunt hair you.

    • BrentP
      November 1, 2013 at 8:37 pm

      Cloverism IMO comes to us through the schools and the media.

      The conditioning starts on the children. Each cloverized generation will naturally produce more clovers than the one before it as well. But we aren’t all the same so it doesn’t work on all of us. Or some of us it simply damages.

      Breaking this conditioning in adulthood requires significant effort. Effort relatively few put in until it is a matter of survival.

      • Jacob
        November 1, 2013 at 9:03 pm

        You’re exactly right. Especially about how hard it is to break cloverism as an adult. I think this is why we don’t see masses of young people rebelling… some who start “waking up” turn to drugs to numb the pain of reality, as opposed to working harder in order to “break the spell”. Others who start waking up, who are totally against drugs, decide to side with the system because “drugs are bad M’kay” and if “we” don’t do drugs “we” can just have the government kill all the drug addicts (mandatory drug testing for the population, yay!) and we can all live in the “utopia” of a police state….all because it’s easier than self reflecting, maybe changing your lifestyle (if necessary), and adapting.

        If the government actually gave a shit (ha!), they’d teach kids how to ride motorcycles and other manual transmission vehicles. But “we” all know what their agenda is…

        • BrentP
          November 2, 2013 at 1:28 am

          Then there are the people who are not clovers and go along so as not to be outcast by society… or as you point out medicate themselves to dull the pain.

          • Jean
            November 3, 2013 at 8:47 pm

            Alternatively, they turn out like me…

            Devil doesn’t want me and mine, he’s afraid we’ll take over…

  43. JoePA
    November 1, 2013 at 10:43 am

    I know I’ve said this before but…..The best drivers regardless how perceived by other people are simply accident free. I’ve taken hundreds of accident reports and it ALWAYS come down to non-attention. One or both drivers was either not paying attention or I would get the “I had the right of way” answer. The Volvo video shows a frustrated driver in a car surrounded by *sshole bikers. Rather than slow down and wait till they pass he drives fast on dirt? The *sshole bikers want to control the road but if you hit one of them its ALWAYS the cars fault.
    On a funny note ….. I chased a car once that was stolen. He went through numerous red lights, stop signs etc. I caught him only because he was stopped by traffic. After a very brief foot chase he was arrested. He was more worried about his drivers license then the stolen car charge, why? because he drives for a living! The District Attorney refused to prosecute for reckless driving because he never got into an accident, in his mind that meant he caused no harm.

    NO ACCIDENTS >>>>> NO PROBLEMS

    • BrentP
      November 1, 2013 at 3:45 pm

      It’s more than that IME. No Fatalities >>>>> No Problems.
      Property damage only? Have insurance? The ticket doesn’t matter and the government will let it go. So long as the cartel is paid.

    • ЯΞ√ΩLUT↑☼N
      November 1, 2013 at 8:56 pm

      “I’ve taken hundreds of accident reports and it ALWAYS come down to non-attention.”

      It’s the same statistic globally JoePA. Inattention, rather than speed always tops the list. In a South Australian university study some years ago, of some 22 factors, “speeding” was 16th on the list. Inattention being #1.

      Strangely, a recommendation from the study was returned calling for more speed cams. Follow the money.

      “The District Attorney refused to prosecute for reckless driving because he never got into an accident, in his mind that meant he caused no harm.”

      I’m in full agreement with him. There need only be one law: The right to life, liberty and property (fraud includes property). Infringement of any of these things means harm done. Otherwise no actual crime has been committed since there’s no victim.

  44. Robert
    November 1, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Q Tip Clover — great description! Gotta remember that one.

    As for the Conga Line Clover, I have an example. There’s an intersection near me where there’s a right turn lane. Invariably, there’s a car blocking it that’s going straight through the intersection. All they’d have to do is pull up a foot or so closer to the line to let people through. But they sit back way behind the line and hold up all the traffic going right.

    Most times, I start nudging through like a NYC bus driver, and then the driver notices and pulls up. They don’t want to get their precious Audi SUVs scratched, after all.

    • jjb
      November 1, 2013 at 11:32 am

      Q-tip is good. We also call them cotton heads. Damn, they can be annoying!

    • November 2, 2013 at 2:13 am

      Ah, there’s another good one: Wide Turn Clover. Pulls all the way right to make a left turn, and vice versa.

      • November 2, 2013 at 5:11 am

        Ah… here in Melbourne, that is sometimes quite sensible and was once required, at any rate at some junctions that also had traffic lights. The thing is, “turning right from left” prevents cars trying to turn right from blocking trams (which can’t go around), so in fact turning right from right is the cloverish thing that holds up lots of traffic.

        • Ed
          November 2, 2013 at 7:38 pm

          PM, y’all drive on the wrong side of the road down there. I’m amazed at how y’all manage not to wreck and kill each other daily. ;-)

  45. michael.white
    November 1, 2013 at 9:32 am

    (As the story always starts) I was behind a Clover doing ~40 in a 35 that until recently was a 45. We came to a stretch with no driveways, no turnoffs, a bit of a valley where you can see half a mile, and (you guessed it) a double yellow. I try to pass and Clover cuts over to prevent me from passing. I know he sees me because he’s looking at me in his driver’s side mirror.

    • Brandonjin
      November 1, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      I had this happen this week. Though I did eventually pass the clover. Just doing that ruins their day, because they failed to control someone.

      I also dislike the clover who goes on a Sunday drive in the middle of the week. You can tell, because after you’ve been behind them for a while, and they eventually make an unexpected turn, you know that if their destination actually is down that way, there were other, quicker ways they could have gone, but they chose not to because they’re just going for a ride/taking the long way.

      • michael.white
        November 1, 2013 at 3:53 pm

        Glad you ruined his day – I was stuck behind my Clover until the fork in the road. My old Land Rover is geared for highway, which means I need a lot of passing space.

        Not too many Sunday Drivers out my way – I live six miles down a hilly, curvy, bumpy dead end road. One of the items I put in the “plus” column when I bought the house :)

        • Eightsouthman
          November 1, 2013 at 4:34 pm

          Michael, good move. I live not far off a road beside what used to be a RR, 33 Miles between two towns. It used to just be a trail and then the county moved all the old chert and tens of thousands of RR spikes onto it so it’s wide now and fairly smooth if you can avoid ruining 10 ply truck tires with spikes. About 20 years ago they stuck some counters on it so I ask why. Well, if it has enough traffic it might get paved. Shit, I’ll move if that’s the case. You wouldn’t want it paved? I wish it was still the little track.

  46. Ed
    November 1, 2013 at 9:04 am

    There’s something wrong with the people in this farming county where I live. If there’s a car sitting at a stop sign when an approaching car is signaling a left hand turn, the stopped driver will pull out in front of the driver signaling a left turn, cutting across his path. I’ve nearly hit three drivers pulling this retarded move in the past week.

    I guess they think that just because it may be safe to do that to a driver who is signaling a right turn, then it’s cool to run the stop sign if any approaching driver has a blinking turn signal for either direction. Maybe it’s because of a very bad driver’s ed teacher here, since all three of the idiots I nearly hit were young drivers.

    • Jean
      November 1, 2013 at 10:14 am

      So, Ed, I’m unclear here. Is thius a 4-way stop? Because as I read this, I can’t tell who is stopped and who is supposed to stop, or if they’re supposed to stop.
      I comprehend Car A at a stop sign. Car B approaching Car A from head-on.

      Is Car B the one who plans to turn? Is Car B facing a stop sign?
      If Car B has a stop sign and Car A has already stopped, Car A is supposed to enter the intersection first, according to law – and Car B is supposed to stop at the stop sign.

      If Car B has no stop sign, I can see Car A pulling out and cutting off Car B – stupid, BTW, Cloverish – but I can see it happening. Accidents will follow… ;-) Car A should’ve stayed at the stop sign and waited.

      Last thing that is unclear is how Car A, being at a stopped position, is running a stop sign?

      • Ed
        November 1, 2013 at 12:49 pm

        Jean, no, it’s at a crossroads, 2 way stop and I’ve been on the main road in each instance. The scene is like this: you’re on themain road that is intersected by a secondary road that crosses the main road with stop signs on the secondary road only, a 2 way stop intersection. You can go straight through, as you have no stop sign, but the fool at the stop sign on your right, sees you with your turn signal on to turn away from him onto the secondary road and he simply pulls out in front of you as though you’re turning in his direction rather than the opposite direction.

        it’s a dangerous move and a collision could happen.

        • Jean
          November 1, 2013 at 1:19 pm

          Agreed – thanks for the clarification!

        • Tomoz
          November 2, 2013 at 2:02 pm

          Ed and Jean–ah, because you, the one waiting to make the left turn, can’t move yet because there is an on-coming car on the main road (the one you are waiting on), so the Clover on your right, going through, could run into the oncoming car. I think that’s what you are saying. So there are actually two cars either in, or soon to be in, the intersection from the main road so the Clover on the secondary road needs to wait for both to be out the intersection before making is move.

          Every single day, I see people making kind of a similar mistake (or, if not dangerous, is actually a mistake of courtesy), and I used to actually regularly make the mistake that I am going to describe, myself, until I figured it out.

          In the scenario, I am on the four-way traffic light-controlled side street (it’s the street I live on) wanting to cross a main street. The light is green for me, but ahead of me on my street is a car signaling to turn left. Since I am wanting to go straight, I have driven around him to continue straight while he is waiting to make his left turn. I started do that because I have followed other cars who do that…in fact, it is the “normal” behavior there. But after a while, I realized that the car ahead that I am passing can’t make his left turn because the on-coming car he waiting for is wanting to make his OWN left turn, therefore blocking the progress of the car that I just passed. But with ME now in the intersection (and the other ones ahead of me who have also passed the waiting car, as well as those who follow me), further prevent the on-coming car from making his left turn, since now I (and we) are in his way, thus all of us who pass the left-turning driver on our street are preventing both cars from completing their left turns. Our transgression is due to thinking that we aren’t interfering with the car that we pass, and we don’t even see (or pay attention) to the on-coming driver waiting to make his left turn. Now that I understand this, I no longer pass the car ahead of me wanting to make a left-hand turn, but enter intersection after he is gone (if the light is still green). But when I do that, wait for him to turn, all the Clovers behind me start honking at me to go around him! Having overcome this personal driving transgression, I realize that Clovers will not think beyond their own individual needs, or maybe will consider at least one other car (the one in front of them), but that’s the end of it, all the other cars on the road are non-entities to them. They do not operate from a vision of them ALL as if they were moving pieces on a chessboard. That would require too much brain power or society awareness.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 2, 2013 at 3:23 pm

            Huh?

          • Ed
            November 2, 2013 at 7:34 pm

            “That would require too much brain power or society awareness.”

            True, and social awareness is lacking in those who are intensely self absorbed. Self absorption is a marker for psychopathic personality disorder, or so the shrinks say.

        • MikeFromWichita
          November 2, 2013 at 7:11 pm

          CloverFar from being a Clover the person pulling out from the stop sign may well be Eric or one of his buds who simply resents the prior restraint of a stop sign. How dare his Rights be infringed.

          • eric
            November 2, 2013 at 7:53 pm

            Clover, ever hear of a straw man argument? Your latest being a classic example.

            If there’s a reason to stop – that is, not solely because there’s a sign or simply because “it’s the law” – then of course, it’s sensible to stop and, indeed, one is obliged (ethically) to do so. Libertarians believe in tailoring their actions so as to not cause harm to others, irrespective of “the law.”

            But what if there’s no reason other than “it’s the law” (or there’s a sign)? Am I ethically obliged to obey? Is it ethically right to punish me if I do not?

            I’ll give you an example:

            There is a T intersection near our place, with a stop sign at the junction of the T, where the “I” meets the “-” . . . One can see quite literally for 1/4 mile in either direction along the “-” (the main road one is approaching from the “I”) long before one actually gets to the junction and the stop sign. If the way is clear (i.e., it’s physically not possible for there to be an accident – assuming any theoretical oncoming cars aren’t cloaked like a Klingon Bird of Prey) – is there a reason to waste fuel and wear one’s brakes by stopping?

            Is one obligated to mindlessly obey a sign?

            If “the law” required you to do calisthenics every morning at six, would you do that, too?

            So, no, I don’t stop at that sign – because it would be pointless (and therefore, stupid) to do so. Just as I do not wait like a drone at red lights when I can see the road is clear in either direction and I can enter the road without any risk to anyone.

            I have violated “the law,” certainly.

            So?

            We return to the central issue: Should people be punished for harm caused only? Or punished for violating “the law” – even though no harm was caused?

            You believe it’s legitimate to punish people who’ve caused no harm. I do not.

            That’s the difference between an authoritarian statist (you) and someone like me.

          • Steve
            November 7, 2013 at 2:18 pm

            If stopping at a stop sign or red light is discretionary, why have them in the first place?

            I got cited for coming to a rolling stop at a stop sign when there was no traffic. Never hurts to think who might be lurking out there.

            Speaking of whichwhy don’t cops go after real criminals, instead of waiting passively for “crimes” that MIGHT occur?

            • eric
              November 7, 2013 at 2:33 pm

              Amen, Steve.

              No one here – not me – defends reckless or irresponsible driving. We just object to mindless obedience – and arbitrary enforcement.

              Mike’s got a chubby for prior restraint – because it turns him on force other people to do as he thinks they ought to.

              He fails to see that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. That his cheerleading for authoritarianism when it suits him will not be the end of it. That his turn will come, too.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 7, 2013 at 4:17 pm

            I dunno eric, I think Gil just got a different place of connection, sure sounds like him/her, got the same little pissiness. How dare his Rights be infringed sounds just like her. My wife worked at an insurance agency when Tx. got mandatory insurance laws. She told me the day it changed and I made my typical denigrating remark when being screwed by the insurance industry, esp by the state. She said it would increase our rates and we had 6 vehicles then so I said we’d see. Well, it didn’t increase a great deal the first payment but after a few months she says we need to get rid of some pickups or just use them on the farm. Well, says I, if I can’t drive them on the road that really limits their usability and it’s only $5/farm truck registration anyway and the same for trailers(I didn’t insure trailers separately). Oh no she says, it’s not the registration and inspection, it’s the insurance costs, it’s a few hundred dollars more than it had been. There you go, give ‘em an inch and they take everything you have and still want more. So what sort of personality wants me to have to pay much more for the same coverage? That pissy person who is scared of their own shadow. I don’t know anyone who has insurance now that didn’t before the mandate. Sure, I know people who make one payment, get the card and then cruise along without it till the next year but they’re only making one payment as opposed to none whereas I always had uninsured motorist because of those people anyway. Seems like the same stawmen continue to be built.

          • Joe H.
            November 8, 2013 at 8:03 pm

            Fuck you, Clover. Thanks for almost causing a major accident today.

    • Nuc L Head
      November 2, 2013 at 11:06 am

      Maybe they were assuming you would be a brake-or-stop-for-no-apparent-reason-closer before you’d make your left at the intersection.

      • Nuc L Head
        November 2, 2013 at 2:58 pm

        I meant “clover” not “closer”. I must have been thinking of “loser”.

        • liberranter
          November 3, 2013 at 5:14 pm

          “Closer” (pronounced “klooser”): a portmanteau of “Clover” and “loser.”

          Nuc, I think you’ve just coined a useful neologism!

  47. Chris
    November 1, 2013 at 8:29 am

    Hi Eric,

    In “Clover Taxonomy V” you have a picture next to the “Old Car Clover”. That guy is a separate subspecies and needs to be recognized!! I call him the “Breaking on Green Clover”. I find myself behind that guy all the time! Except that he is not always old or a he.

    You’re driving behind this Clover and as you both approach an intersection with a green light, Clover applies his brakes and slows down, “anticipating” a yellow light. One of two outcomes seems assured:
    1. Clover slows so much that neither of you reach the intersection before the light changes yellow at which point he stops. Clover feels vindicated and thinks “Whew! That was close!”
    2. Clover proceeds through the yellow but there isn’t enough time for both of you to get through, so YOU must stop. Once safely through the intersection, Clover presses the accelerator.

    Next to the “Stopping on Hills in Snow Clover”, this guy pisses me off the most.

    • November 2, 2013 at 2:07 am

      Completely agree — Brake-on-green Clover is awful. Here are some more clovers I can’t stand:

      — Dog Clover. Has at least one (very likely more than one) dog running around inside the cabin of his car. Can’t see what’s behind him because of the dogs, and is highly prone to erratic, jerky driving as the dogs bump into him and otherwise create a huge distraction.

      — High-beam Clover. Keeps his brights on at all times, no matter how much traffic is around, and no amount of flashing your brights at him persuades him to turn them off. The most egregious examples of this phenotype go so far as to have outrageous aftermarket floodlights mounted on top of the car also — can’t be too safe!

      — Swerve-for-squirrels Clover. If a squirrel (or similar small animal) jumps into the road in front of him, this clover’s immediate reaction is to jerk the wheel to the left — directly toward oncoming cars.

      • JMB
        November 2, 2013 at 10:47 am

        I did not read all the comments so maybe I overlooked it if somebody else added it. How about Left Lane Clover – ALWAYS drives in the left lane on the Interstate regardless of whether they are passing traffic. There is often not even a car in the right for the next half mile or more but they stay in the left, mindlessly blocking what would otherwise be faster traffic.

        • Ned
          November 2, 2013 at 3:39 pm

          Two thumbs up on that one, JMB

      • Andy
        November 2, 2013 at 6:50 pm

        Darien, I got stuck behind the most annoying dog clover today—-the dog sitting on driver’s lap clover. This one came to a complete stop 30 yards ahead of a traffic light. The only explanation I could imagine is that the dog pissed in the drivers lap.

        • November 3, 2013 at 1:08 am

          We were driving back from Homer this summer, and we ended up behind a Subaru Forrester — which is not exactly a minivan — that contained a driver, a passenger, their luggage, and no fewer than FOUR full-sized dogs. The car would literally bounce and shake as the dogs slammed back and forth. Maybe ask the neighbours to keep an eye on them while you’re on vacation?

          Now that I think about it, “Subaru Clover” should probably be an entry in its own right. Subaru is the new Volvo: an otherwise normal car with a disproportionate chance to have a total dipstick driving it.

          • Ed
            November 3, 2013 at 1:22 am

            You’re right, Darien. The typical Volvo driver seems to think that owning a “safe car” gives them a complete exemption for the responsibility of learning how to drive.

          • Hot Rod
            November 8, 2013 at 12:41 am

            Eric, 8, meth, Ed, and Dom,

            Hey I was looking for evidence to see how Obamacare was performing in the month of November, and Seblius won’t release numbers until mid Nov. Of course I’m hoping and praying for failure like all you guys. And so I found it funny on Fox that Sen Alexander (Repub) actually is calling for Sebelius to resign not because she can’t fix ACA website. Now if Republicans were really against ACA wouldn’t they continue to talk about something other than the website “glitches” that any moron knows will eventually get fixed?

            No these republicans are mad that they don’t get to put their good ol boy in place to make a republican version of ACA really work! Never in their minds does it seem to cross that nobody can make ACA work because its purposefully designed to fail, or I should say at least not in their public outspoken words. I beAs we say this skit is going to involve republicans winning over the “conservative” voters at compromised ACA.

            I also confirmed that the reason Obamacare won’t fail is because they have a subsidies program to bail out the insurance companies in a death spiral. So there you go. Unless the government goes broke taking on too much debt, the goal will be to keep a death spiral from happening with government money while increasing the penalties to the serfs that don’t abide. Roberts be damned as that whole shit about penalities being a tax, really means they will take government over by continuously upping the punitive threat. Meanwhile, the ACA glitches will be fixed and Republicans will act like they lost for a little while, but then play on the we can save you though you lost your old insurance by fixing ACA republican style. And the republican serfs will applaud.

            Still I recommend all young and healthy people with catastrophic old plans to take the penalty anyway. It won’t go in a death spiral as I said be stupid Uncle has feedbaskets of printed money to fill the void after all and make tyranny stick. In the end the government by subsidizing the insurance will control them anyway, so its a win/win for the Sadducees and Pharisees as their leavening increases for the stupid masses who are flouride impaired. Quote from Fox below:

            ‘Significantly, Sen. Lamar Alexander, R-Tenn., speaking on the Senate floor, called Tuesday for Sebelius’ resignation. Alexander is the top Republican on the Senate health panel.

            “Mr. President, at some point there has to be accountability. Expecting this secretary to be able to fix what she hasn’t been able to fix during the last three-and-a-half years is unrealistic,” he said. “It’s throwing good money after bad. It’s time for her to resign — someone else to take charge.”‘

          • Hot Rod
            November 8, 2013 at 12:45 am

            Don’t ask me why the above comment doesn’t make sense. Somehow the left and right sides of my brain were seeming to misfire. You know kind of like blabber some thoughts. Or maybe just maybe my cutting and pasting kind of screwed up some sentences. Oh well hope you all can make sense out of the gobble.

            Sorry as I’m heading off to finishing my design. Hopefully I can think engineering better than I write tonight.

            HR

          • Eightsouthman
            November 8, 2013 at 4:55 am

            Hot Rod, my old college buddy crowd has some pretty good rants today about what’s going on. I think we all agree we’re seeing a real dissolution of this country, a tearing it down in very real ways by very unfriendly foreigners(BO)whose entire goal is to rent asunder the entire country for the international bankers and globalists who wish to totally dominate the world. It’s being accomplished on many fronts with players like Monsanto taking over the food supply and other similar players taking over the water. Their ultimate goal is to have ever single human on earth in their control who has to pay them for every morsel of food and drop of water. That’s the ultimate control and no matter what side of the supposed political coin you’ve seen from one prez or another, they have all played their parts in furthering this goals for their handlers. Looks like it’s about to get really ugly and the death of my generation is tantamount to their take-over, hence, death panels. Maybe others don’t see it quite the way we do here separated from the power elites in every way you can think of. Now the new generation of Texans(I speak of Texas because that’s what I have to deal with)don’t seem to understand and the huge influx of yankees has resulted in a population that just approved 9 Constitutional amendments even though they all tax hell out of everyone for the benefit of the few. I am not seeing this as anything but what historically has been done and that’s to completely dominate the world. Why would a people vote to tax themselves for the good of federalists as it were? The $2B fund for water doesn’t even state what the fund will be used for so why would you want it? It’s because you’re brainwashed into believing taxing everyone doesn’t mean what it really means, taking your money to give to invisible entities. I”m discouraged. I do understand your post, all too well. We’re all getting taken.

          • Hot Rod
            November 8, 2013 at 11:02 am

            8 I must agree there is a larger plan behind the scenes. As America exhales its last wind from the manufactured financial chaos, they are tightening up the belt. The vast majority of serfs after decades of inflation and constant wages are living hand to mouth and some even homeless, these people are easily manipulated to do the bidding of the elites. Its probably not by coincidence as you have pointed out that the food and water supply be taken over as well.

            How are you doing considering the Food and Safety Modernization Act? Any of those provisions influence you?

            Regards
            HR

          • Eightsouthman
            November 8, 2013 at 11:23 am

            Hot Rod, there’s no real food manufacturing in this part of the world, not enough rain and the water table is nearly gone from cotton farmers depleting it. I lease my land and have very little of it now. We did truck farm at one time and believe it or not, the back breaker on that endeavor was a flood that covered our fields for 1.5 years so in effect, 2 years. It was so hot and dry(no rain for most of the year)this year we even had no garden and that really sucks.

          • Hot Rod
            November 8, 2013 at 4:56 pm

            8 that sounds like hell, or should I say the desert? We’re currently visiting Nevada which is drier than most. I know Texas is rather arid land. You ever think of heading for greener pastures?

            To be honest I’m not sure I know what the hell I want to do as far as settling down. I don’t trust living in the U.S. Housing prices seem affordable though. Then there is the question of if the U.S. where. I could live in sunshine and hot dry and be happy getting my daily sun and never seeing a raincloud but maybe 20 days a year. But then we’d not be able to grow a garden and the summer would be unbearable. Or we could buy on the ocean and have a plentiful supply of natural water. But the storms could literally rip a house apart there. The taxes are more progressive in the NW USA. The taxes are more liberatarian in the desert here. And I was swaying toward buying something, and then Obamacare keeps slapping me in the face along with that Eckers guy getting an enemy by the New Mexico cops because he asked if he was free to go.

            One things for sure this country seems dried up and had its better days. Though the future looks bright for the self motivated nevertheless as we can live just about anywhere and make the same wages.

            On the other note I don’t know shit about farming or cattle. My career would require some basic level of society and I’m not exactly sure this country is going to support that with the road its on. Renting back and forth between the best of weather still is attractive until I can make up my mind where the hell to be next. Chile is still an option.

            Regards,
            HR

          • Hot Rod
            November 8, 2013 at 5:00 pm

            enemy=enema

            Above.

            8 I’m just about finished with an awesome new product. I don’t want to give details but I’m super excited of its possiblity. One thing I’ve noticed about the idea muscle is how one idea grows off another. Its never ending what a man can do these days and that is the sweet side of the future, the bad side we here already know.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 8, 2013 at 5:41 pm

            Hot Rod, we are in a drought and have been since ’93. The last 3 years have been extremely dry, even worse than the rest of the drought years and so hot temps get into the high teens above 100°. Even house a/c’s won’t be able to keep a normal temp. We had almost decided to relocate in ’98 and again in the early years of this century but it’s tough to leave what you worked so hard to build and easy to take a bath selling out in a drought. Neither of us wants to live in town, in fact, we simply refuse to do so. The part of Tx. we live in is described as semi-arid. We’re right on the western edge of where it’s listed as desert. Our normal rainfall before the drought was 22-24 inches per year, enough to raise a good garden and good crops that are drought resistant although having things such as grazer and other small grains burn up isn’t uncommon. All the lakes in this entire portion of Tx, are down to near record or record low levels and a few are actually totally dry. It’s the worst I’ve seen during my lifetime even surpassing the 1950-1958 drought. Dang it, I have had something I wanted to tell you for weeks and can’t remember it. Send me an e if you have time and inclination, always glad to hear from you. Hope you and yours are well.

          • Hot Rod
            November 8, 2013 at 10:10 pm

            8,

            You are a stubborn old cuss, I like your type. You’re determined to beat the crap out of that land until it does you right (smile), you are a tough one and got some deep roots on that land of yours. The good new is that the drought will soon be over for you.

            I’ll be frank my friend I’m one of those nomadic types and I’ve seen it all but bite on no land. As it turns out, everyplace is a piece of shit for one reason or another. The grass is always greener from afar. Some people just have more wisdom than I and decide young that pure Eden doesn’t exist on this earth, they settle down and fight the elements and call a place home. I admire that in others.

            For guys like you I scarcely doubt the elite will have much luck killing you. Hell if 10 year droughts don’t kill you, I’d say you are roundup resistant as well. Keep up the good fight.

            Regards,
            HR

        • heath
          November 3, 2013 at 6:21 pm

          Well if you were in a clover’s car, wouldn’t you?

      • jpbreon
        November 3, 2013 at 2:27 am

        Darien, you brought up Swerve-for-squirrel Clover, which reminded me of a time that I got to experience the joy of a Clover becoming a victim of the Law he so reveres.

        My wife (dating at the time) was on the way home from my farm in the late afternoon when the above mentioned Clover, in an attempt to avoid a horrendous accident caused by a chipmunk on the road, swerved into the left lane. My wife was forced to leave the roadway to avoid a head-on collision, taking out several mailboxes and entering a culvert, severely damaging the vehicle. Luckily she was not harmed. I arrived at the scene to find Clover hysterical that he was being ticketed for his idiotic behavior and spouting off the same old tired Cloverisms like if she hadn’t been going so fast it wouldn’t have been a problem, or she had seen the chipmunk and should have expected the Clover’s attempt to avoid it. The cop wasn’t buying it and then the Clover pulled the most pathetic and sad display to authority I have seen up to that point, and even since – he points to sticker he got for supporting the Cop union in an attempt to get out of the fines. Just so sad.

        Around here in central PA, we have 4WD Clover. This Clover is a bit different since he/she believes 4WD is equivalent to a GameShark, giving them God-mode. Whether it is sunny, rainy, snowy, or otherwise, 4WD Clover can go 20 over the speed limit. 4WD Clover is always the ones I see off the road in 2 feet on snow, because 4WD means you simply cannot wreck or get stuck no matter how stupidly you drive.

        A good driver knows when to go slower, and how much slower given the conditions. 4WD Clover just ignores all this information and drives the same as he would any other day.

        • Eightsouthman
          November 3, 2013 at 8:13 pm

          jbp, believe it or not, those DPS supporter stickers will get you some very different results in this state….or used to. I never was one to denigrate myself that way but a drunk buddy of mine did regularly and it paid off many times for him. He’d pull out the farm check book and re-up on the spot if necessary. Hey, it’s just money collection and he avoided some serious jail time a couple times I know of. It may be scuzzy but it used to work. I doubt it does now, they know they already have your money and much more to be made from you right now. There’s a reason shit rolls downhill.

        • November 5, 2013 at 1:10 am

          4WD Clover is prominent up here in Alaska too, as you might expect. Virtually every car I see off the road in the winter is an SUV or jacked-up pickup truck. There’s a bit of selection bias involved here — giant wankmobiles are more common here than they are elsewhere — but they confirmably do think of themselves as invincible and drive like idiots in the snow.

    • Steve Victor
      November 2, 2013 at 10:48 am

      Good one!

    • Steve Victor
      November 2, 2013 at 10:55 am

      I once hit a dumbass who stopped for no reason (and was hidden by an embankment) just past a curve in the road. A “Stops in a Bad Place” clover, I suppose.

      • Ed
        November 2, 2013 at 11:22 am

        “a dumbass who stopped for no reason”

        Or, maybe “a dumbass who stopped for some reason that wouldn’t even occur to a normal human being”. ;-)

        • Tomoz
          November 2, 2013 at 1:29 pm

          Ed, the other day, I encountered a guy who had stopped in a regular traffic lane so he could slowly and carefully consult his street map! I think this “dumbass who stops for no reason” or “dumbasss who stops for an inane reason” must be subset of the “‘I’m the only driver in the world’ Clover”.

          • Ed
            November 2, 2013 at 7:30 pm

            Tomoz, that’s as bad as the ones who brake for hallucinations. Those overmedicated goobers will eventually wreck and kill us all. ;-)

          • Enjoy Every Sandwich
            November 3, 2013 at 7:09 pm

            I’ve run into people who stop in the traffic lane because they’re obviously lost–you can tell by the way they keep twisting their head, peering around like a monkey on crack.

            Others do it to debark passengers–apparently it’s soooo inconvenient to park the car to do this, and the passenger can’t be expected to-gasp!-walk a few feet to his doorstep!

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 7:37 pm

            Enjoy, I’ve de-barked a few passengers. Mostly I just pull over, go around and open their door, jerk their asses out and de-bark em right there, where ever there is. Always a better ride after a good de-barking.

          • Jacob
            November 3, 2013 at 7:50 pm

            I need to start writing down some of your comments to put on t-shirts, 8. Ed’s too.

            “Always a better ride after a good de-barking” …classic. Perhaps accompany the quote with a picture of someone with a boot to their ass, out of the vehicle.

          • Eightsouthman
            November 3, 2013 at 7:58 pm

            jacob, I’m glad you liked it. I had already got on another rant. When I came to your reply I laughed out loud, made CJ jump up with bouncy ball. Just for the record, de-barking the different genders doesn’t always mean the same thing.

      • Horse Badorties
        November 3, 2013 at 11:42 pm

        Last town I lived in (central CA) had a population w/40% non-native English speakers – so more of an immigrant tale than a Clover, but it was a scary town to drive in. My favorite news story from there (so far) occurred around 2am on HWY 5 on the north side of town. Driver A decided to stop and park his car in the northbound fast lane, exited the vehicle (probably to take a piss.)
        Meanwhile, Driver B is approaching at 80+ mph, in a stolen pickup truck, with the headlights turned off.

        Driver B finds Driver A’s car and physics happens. B is killed and A severely injured. Both were illegals. I still check that town’s newspaper to see if they can top that.

    • Eightsouthman
      November 2, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      Or the fool who runs 10 below PSL while traffic flies by on either side….fast enough you can’t get into another lane.

  48. ferret
    November 1, 2013 at 7:56 am

    “The only advice I have, therefore, is – simply – flee.”

    Working on that. With any luck, we’ll have everything in place before things get too bad around here.

    Of course, I apply the same principles of that statement almost on a daily basis with regard to the roaming packs of Mutant Zombie Clovers. Especially with the ones that exhibit multiple Cloverific behaviors, I make every effort to put them in my rearview mirror. This activity sometimes comes with commentary by any passengers I happen to be carrying, but I explain to them that the “driver” (and I use the term loosely) I just passed is an accident waiting to happen and if it does happen, there are pretty long odds that it will rush forward to involve me.

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